Some ideas....guilt about ruining your kids, worry about kids as adults, teaching children to deal with temper and stress, sick kids, husbands not doing what they should, time, busyness, illness
You don't get through this life without stress and adversity.
Satan teaches if you are good enough and rich enough there won't be any problems.
We think..."If my spouse was just..."
We think if those things changed I wouldn't be stressed.
You've give your power for peace to something outside of you.
You have the power to have peace through the Atonement.
Alma 42:8 Now behold, it was not expedient that man should be reclaimed from this temporal death, for that would destroy the great plan of happiness.
- We shouted for joy at the opportunity to come to earth
- We saw the whole plan. There was no veil.
- We saw pain & suffering. It wasn't a surprise
- We also knew the Savior would rescue us from it.
- We were so confident and sure of him we wanted to go.
- I can do it because of the Savior.
- We knew he would be right there to walk with us and rescue us.
- We knew it would be hard and we wanted it.
We either don't think about it or don't believe it.
We are so involved in the moment we don't allow the Savior in.
STRESS:
- Sometimes self-imposed
- Over scheduling
- Trying to be a controller or dictator
- Parenting styles
- Marriage-we look at our spouse and we criticize.
- We give our power out.
- Example: "I'm so annoyed/upset when he leaves his dirty socks on the family room floor."
- We get so focused on making him good so he can make us happy. As we do that we create stress in our lives.
- Things that come upon us...child born with heart defect, death, illness, job loss
- We didn't ask for them.
- It's the hard things life imposes.
We buy guilt. Change percentages. You need to cheer for yourself and validate you when you make even a small change.
Stop worrying about what you are doing wrong and focus on what will move you in the right direction.
PT-->PF-->PA-->PC
Positive Thoughts lead to Positive Feelings lead to Positive Actions and over time lead to Positive Character.
Negative Thought lead to Negative Feelings which lead to Negative Actions.
We need to change our thought pattern to change our actions. We change our thought thru prayer.
If you are in stress or adversity what are you thinking about.
Scripture reference for this formula...Mosiah 4:30 But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not.
When we are in major stress we are usually in fear. We cannot be in faith.
Faith says I know Heavenly Father will be on the right and the left, his spirit is in my heart, and his angels round about me.
We need to say, "Father show me what to do to protect my children." When he gives you an answer you do it that day. When you do those inspirations straight way, it builds the fortifications around your children.
Example: If you had a fight with your husband the night before and you pray and get the feeling you should take his favorite candy bar and deliver it to work, follow that, don't question it.
Most blue women think they are spiritually better than their husbands.
"Don’t look for a life virtually free from discomfort, pain, pressure, challenge, or grief, for those are the tools a loving Father uses to stimulate our personal growth and understanding." To Be Healed by Richard G. Scott Ensign May 1994
"I am persuaded that there can be a necessary refining process in adversity that increases our understanding, enhances our sensitivity, makes us more Christlike." The Blessings of Adversity by James E. Faust Ensign February 1998
"He is rubbing off our rough edges and sensitizing us for our great responsibilities ahead." The Blessings of Adversity by James E. Faust Ensign February 1998The Lord refines those whom he loves.
Remember that Joseph Smith was a righteous man. He had adversity & stress starting at 8 yrs old with the pain in his leg. At 14 he had the First Vision and was persecuted until his death. His life was a storm. He said, "The envy and wrath of man have been my common lot all the days of my life. . . . Deep water is what I am wont to swim in." "O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?" D&C 121:1 Joseph Smith grew more in Liberty Jail than any other time.
Question: What about parents who have children that go astray?
Answer: Heavenly Father had Satan, Lehi had Laman & Lemuel
The principle is : When you are in stress and/or adversity you never ask the question why.
The why is that you are in mortality. It has nothing to do with righteousness or wickedness.
Women are prone to depression this time of year. It comes from asking why? Why is self-focused. Being turned in with negative thoughts will usually create depression. We become habitual in thinking negative.
Story: For FHE Tracy and her family took a walk. She put a small rock in each one of their shoes. They were not allowed to take the rock out. Then she gave them a jolly rancher to put in their mouth. What did they talk about? They complained about the rock in their shoe instead of enjoying the jolly rancher in their mouth. She said, "You had something sweet & something hard" What did you choose to look at?
Think about Nephi & his family in the wilderness. Laman & Lemuel said,
(1 Nephi 16:35-37) 35 And it came to pass that the daughters of Ishmael did mourn exceedingly, because of the loss of their father, and because of their afflictions in the wilderness; and they did murmur against my father, because he had brought them out of the land of Jerusalem, saying: Our father is dead; yea, and we have wandered much in the wilderness, and we have suffered much affliction, hunger, thirst, and fatigue; and after all these sufferings we must perish in the wilderness with hunger.Nephi had the same experience, but looked at it differently,
(1 Nephi 17:2) And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings.They had the same experience, but different viewpoints. It's how we think about it that creates feelings which lead to actions.
"Attitude is what will pull us through whatever comes our way. It will not remove our troubles from us but rather will enable us to face our challenges, to meet them head on, and to emerge victorious." Ensign, May 2009 pg 89 Thomas S. Monson
When we pray we pray to have the problem removed. If he removes it then he removes the learning experience.
Instead of asking the question why we should ask these questions instead..."Obtaining Help From The Lord" by Richard G. Scott, Ensign October 1991
1. What does the Lord want me to learn?
- In the moment if you pray about it you will get little pieces. When you act on those you get more.
- You seek, ponder scriptures and talks
- The answer is not to sit in one place and murmur
- This is taking our own power back.
5. What characteristic must I improve? (What must I stop doing and what must I start doing)
EXAMPLE: With stress in your marriage. You feel like you are unequally yoked to your husband. You want to do FHE, family prayers, keep Sabbath day holy, etc. He wants to watch football on Sunday, play video games late into night. We say, "If he would change, I would be happy." You are putting all your power in his basket. You keep your own agency.
- What does the Lord want me to learn?---Be submissive. He is the head of the home. You need to treat him like that, lift him up. Might need to learn to overcome your pride. Blame give away your agency.
- What do I need to do?---Love him, forgive him
- What do I need to change?---Change me--my pride & my critical nature
- Whom do I need to serve?---Him, care unconditionally
- What characteristic must I improve?---Looking for good, support, lift, stop being critical.
1. We cannot choose to be free from difficulties, but we are free to choose how to handle them.
- As long as you are in this world you will have stress & adversity.
Every Monday John left home at two o’clock in the morning and walked six hours in order to be at his post on time. On Friday he would leave his work at five o’clock in the evening and walk almost until midnight before arriving home. He did this year after year.
One day, while he was doing his chores at home, a cow kicked him in the leg, causing a compound fracture. With limited medical resources, the only option was to amputate the broken leg. So John’s family and friends strapped him onto a door and, with a bucksaw, cut off his leg a few inches from the knee.
In spite of the crude surgery, the leg started to heal. Once John could sit up in bed, he began carving a wooden leg with an ingenious joint that served as an ankle to an artificial foot. Walking on this device was extremely painful, but John did not give up, building up his endurance until he could make the 22-mile (35-km) journey to the Salt Lake Temple each week, where he continued his work.
2. In adversity we must stay committedHis hands carved the words “Holiness to the Lord” that stand today as a golden marker to all who visit the Salt Lake Temple. "Lift Where You Stand" by Deiter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign November 2008
"When we face seemingly insurmountable obstacles in the fulfillment of righteous responsibilities, we should remember that when we are involved in the work of the Lord, the obstacles before us are never as great as the power behind us. We should reach out and climb. Handholds will only be found by hands that are outstretched. Footholds are only for feet that are on the move.” "Reach Out and Climb!" by Dallin H. Oaks, Ensign April 20023. Have faith that the Lord is mindful of us and we can have a perfect brightness of hope.
STORY: Tracy’s husband has been out of work for 14 months. They have kids ranging from age 6 yrs to 15 yrs. In the beginning you have a lot of faith. After it goes on and the storm continues to go it gets harder. She decided she would have to choose how to look at the trial. She read “Remember Remember” and wrote all the tender mercies she could see each day. If you are not in the storm these are the things you can do. A friend took Mallory shopping and bought all her school clothes. Someone had paid for year book and choir fees. With Spencer a different family took him shopping for school clothes. He came home with name brand things. They came home one day and the front porch was full of food. She left it in the living room for awhile so she could see just how blessed they were. In order for her to receive what she could she wanted to give what she could. She would go visit someone who was sick. She would take in dinners. She took every assignment she could and served. When she wanted the Lord to bless her she served in every way she could. She had to have faith and keep focus. Never lost hope. Always lifting those around her. They kept a journal of the 'tender mercies' they received. That journal is their most prized possession.
They felt good about it. They had previously put in an application to transfer to Boston so they thought maybe that was going to go through. He has wanted to purchase a company and went online to look. There was a pump company in Middleton Idaho for sale. He decided maybe that's what he was supposed to do. So he flew home. Over the weekend he had 3 goals. 1. Sign on the company. 2. Get financing. 3. Come up with $50,000 of his own money. By Sunday night all those things had happened and he found a house to buy.
He went home and didn't tell anyone. He didn't want to until his financing went through. When there was a 90% chance it was going to go through he gave his 2 weeks notice and told their bishop. Everything fell into place. Jenny's Dad flew out to New Jersey to drive back with them. While they were in Snowville, Utah they got a phone call that Tuesday night saying that their financing had failed. Tuesday night the contract was up and someone else was in line to purchase the business. The business went to them.
So they arrived in Boise with no house, no job, no money. He said, "Mom, we followed every prompting. We're not sure why we are here, but the Lord has brought us here." Cory is excited. He feels like he can do anything right now.
Do we have enough faith to listen to Heavenly Father say, "Be still, and know that I am God"?
"One’s life, therefore, cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free....How can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, “Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!”...Real faith, however, is required to endure this necessary but painful developmental process." "Lest Ye Be Wearied and Faint In Your Minds" by Neal A. Maxwell, Ensign May 1991
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