Friday, September 30, 2011

Class #3 Teaching Your Children To Feel The Spirit

Sister Tanner teaches primary to 9,10, & 11 year old boys.  The lesson this week was on the day of Pentecost.  It is 50 days after harvest is over.  Pentecost is a Thanksgiving day.  The Savior was crucified at Passover.  During the Pentecost the disciples heard what sounded like the great rushing of wind.  Then appeared cloven tongues of fire.  There were people from all over the various countries there for the Pentecost.  The disciples came out and spoke in tongues and the people could understand them.  It is symbolic of being baptized by fire.  They received the Gift of the Holy Ghost.  3000 people were baptized.

How often do we think when the Holy Ghost testifies it should be as a rush of wing? 

If you ask in Primary how the Holy Ghost works the kids will say “A still small voice”.  We know that answer, but when the still small voice whispers to us, what do we do?  Most of us ignore it and continue what we are already doing.  We let the impression fade away.  We don’t even identify it.

We are entitled to daily revelation.  You received daily revelation, but most of us don’t know how to identify and hear the Holy Ghost. 

Elder David A. Bednar was asked as a missionary conference, “How do you know the difference between a prompting of the Holy Ghost and just a good idea?”  His answer, “What difference does it make.  Any thought or inspiration that is good comes from the Spirit and should be acted upon.” 

How do we get our children to form a companionship with the Holy Ghost so they seek it and live by it?  If we teach this to our children then we can have faith that they will be fine.  They will be like the stripling warriors because their mothers taught them.

Allan F. Packer  “Finding Strength in Challenging Times! May 2009 Ensign
“When I was a young man in high school, one of my passions was American football. I played middle linebacker. The coach worked the team hard, teaching us the basics. We practiced until the skills became natural and automatic. During one play against our biggest rival, I had an experience that has helped me over the years. We were on defense. I knew my assigned opponent, and as the play unfolded, he moved to my right into the line of scrimmage. There was a lot of noise from players and fans. I reacted as the coach had taught us and followed my man into the line, not knowing if he had the ball. To my surprise, I felt the ball partially in my hands. I gave it a tug, but my opponent didn’t let go. As we tugged back and forth, amid all the noise I heard a voice yelling, “Packer, tackle him!” That was enough to bring me to my senses, so I dropped him on the spot.

I have wondered how I heard that voice above all the other noise. I had become acquainted with the voice of the coach during the practices, and I had learned to trust it. I knew that what he taught worked.
We need to be acquainted with the promptings of the Holy Ghost, and we need to practice and apply gospel teachings until they become natural and automatic. These promptings become the foundation of our testimonies. Then our testimonies will keep us happy and safe in troubled times.”
Read this next quote as a parent teaching your children…..

            Dallin H. Oakes "Nourishing The Spirit"  December 1998 Ensign

Spiritual things, like conversion and testimony, come in large part by feelings—the enlightenment of the Spirit. Those who seek or are satisfied to stop with an intellectual conviction live in a spiritual habitation built upon the sand. For them and for their children—if that is all the inheritance their children obtain—that habitation is forever vulnerable. The things of God, including a spiritual conversion and testimony, must be transmitted in the Lord’s way, “by the Spirit.”

We are teaching knowledge, but not transmitting the Spirit.  


Dallin H. Oakes "Nourishing The Spirit"  December 1998 Ensign
Parents who fail to provide their children with good examples and positive personal religious experiences seriously jeopardize the transmission of faith and spirituality to the next generation.  Parents teach most effectively by what their children see them do. The parental examples that influenced me most were my mother’s expressions of faith in God, her absolute support and total non-criticism of the leaders of the Church, and her faithful payment of tithing, even when times were hard.”  

How did the stripling warriors know?  They watched their mothers live it.  If we say 1 thing and then do another, they learn to believe in a principle as long as it is easy. 

EXAMPLE: If we teach them that we believe in being modest and then buy them an immodest prom dress, because ‘that’s all we could find’, we are teaching them that we believe the principle as long as it is easy.
The living of the gospel is rationalized away. 
We have to learn how to listen to and follow the spirit ourselves before we can teach our children.
PONDER PAD:  Is a pad of paper that you should keep available to you so that when you receive “lights of knowledge”.  These are ideas that come to you.  You write it down then go back to it later.  Keep it accessible.  Then on Sunday night or at early morning scripture study go back to your ponder pad and think about the things you wrote down.  Some of them will fade away and you can just cross them off your list.  Others will stay with you.  Those that stay you need to make a goal.  Inspiration will come in little thoughts.
We often feel like our prayers aren’t answered.  However we are receiving inspiration all the time, but we don’t act on them.
Richard G. Scott “To Acquire Spiritual Guidance”  November 2009 Ensign 
“What may appear initially to be a daunting task will be much easier to manage over time as you consistently strive to recognize and follow feelings prompted by the Spirit. Your confidence in the direction you receive from the Holy Ghost will also become stronger. I witness that as you gain experience and success in being guided by the Spirit, your confidence in the impressions you feel can become more certain than your dependence on what you see or hear.”

You need to learn to recognize the spirit and then testify to your children so they can come to understand.  Then encourage them to share their experiences.  Identify the thought.  “You saw Mary alone on the playground and went over to play with her.”  That was an inspired thought. 

Children need a journal to write down those experiences.  They need to understand quiet promptings are the way the Spirit works.  You need to help your children write down those experiences so when they say, “I have never felt the spirit” you can show them all the times that they have.

When they feel the spirit then they begin to feel that the Savior actually listens to them.

          Everyone feels the Spirit a different way.

1.     You learn to receive the inspiration.
2.     Create an environment in your home where they can experience the Spirit & testify of it.
a.     “17 Miracles” move is faith promoting & full of the Spirit
b.     This creates a stage for you to discuss the roll of the Holy Ghost.
c.     When you are all giggling and laughing and having fun as a family you can stop and identify that feeling.  That the Holy Ghost is making us feel happy.
d.     Sometimes in a profound moment.
e.     We need to identify it for our children.
f.      The Spirit is still invited.  They are always entitled to it, but they have to invite it in.
g.     Do something daily to receive the Holy Ghost that day.  Your morning prayer is where you invite the Holy Ghost in to your day.  Recognize those experiences and then testify of them to your children.  At the end of the day in your evening prayers acknowledge those experiences to your Heavenly Father and thank him for them.

Margaret Lifferth “Respect & Reverence” May 2009 Ensign
My appeal today is to parents, teachers, and leaders to work together to teach, exemplify, and encourage the standards of respect and reverence that will strengthen our children and youth and invite the spirit of worship into our homes and chapels.

Reverent behavior is not a natural tendency for most children. It is a quality that is taught by parents and leaders through example and training. But remember, if reverence is rooted in love, so is the teaching of it. Harshness in our training begets resentment, not reverence. So begin early and have reasonable expectations. A toddler can learn to fold his arms and get ready for prayer. But it takes time, patience, and consistency. Remember that we are not only teaching a child his first lessons in reverence, but the child may be mastering his first attempts at self-discipline.”

You need to  be patient as you teach reverence to them at home.  Practice sessions need to be done at home.  It begins in Family prayers, Family Home Evening, and Home/Visiting Teachers.

You will find that when you are in a class and you are feeling the Spirit really strongly that someone will crack a joke to break the Spirit.  That is because they don’t know what to do with that feeling. 

You need to teach your children that there is a time for fun and a time for spiritual things.  Allow them to have “fun” but be careful that you don’t expect them to ‘flip a switch’ and be reverent.  There has to be some kind of transition. 

Example of a practice:  The kids were allowed to be wild and wrestle and play before dinner, but once dinner was over the silliness was gone.  It was quiet time.  They could still have fun….read, play board games, TV time, etc, BUT it was time for them to tone down.

This creates order at home.  They know what to expect.  It gives them an emotional slot to slow down.  As transition time into family scriptures/prayer sing 3 primary songs.  We have to learn to help them transition. 

You can also just tell them a story or an experience from that day.  There are times that we are in such a ‘hurry’ to get finished with family scriptures and prayer that we end up missing the opportunity to teach them to feel the Spirit.

Some things are just ‘practices’, but anything given in General Conference is a ‘principle’. 

Margaret Lifferth “Respect & Reverence” May 2009 Ensign
“Teaching our children and youth that it is appropriate to address our leaders as president, bishop, brother, and sister encourages respect and reverence. It also teaches the truth that leaders are called of God and have been given sacred responsibilities.”

We need to demand that kind of respect from our youth.  It creates a feeling of respect for them to use appropriate titles.  Adult & youth are not buddies.  We need to set a pattern and lead the way.  Do not allow youth to call you by your first name.  At times it’s appropriate for them to use a title and a 1st name (Example…Kids in nursery say Ms. Tracy)

Parley P. Pratt “The Key To the Science of Theology” pg 101
“The gift of the Holy Ghost adapts itself to all these organs or attributes.  It quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections, and adapts them, by the gifts of wisdom, to their lawful use.  It inspires, develops, cultivates, and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings, and affections of our nature.  It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness, and charity.  It develops beauty of person, form, and features.  It tends to health, vigor, animation and social feeling.  It invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man.  It strengthens, and gives tone to the nerves.  In short, it is, as it were marrow to the bones, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being. 

In the presence of such persons, one feels to enjoy the light of their countenances, as the genial rays of a sunbeam.  Their very atmosphere diffuses a thrill, a warm glow of pure gladness and sympathy, to the heart and nerve of others who have kindred feelings, or sympathy of spirit.” 

HOMEWORK:  Tear apart this quote.  Make a list of when the Holy Ghost is working with you.

3.     Keep the Sabbath Day Holy
·       D&C 59:9  And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day;

Bishop H. David Burton “A Season of Opportunity” Nov 1998 Ensign
“Now, I know it’s hard, particularly for our young people, to choose to observe the Sabbath day when athletic teams on which they so much want to participate regularly schedule games on Sunday. I too know it seems trivial to many who are in need of just a few items on the Sabbath to quickly stop at a convenience store to make a Sunday purchase. But I also know that remembering to keep the Sabbath day holy is one of the most important commandments we can observe in preparing us to be the recipients of the whisperings of the Spirit.”

·       Your children and you need to “come out of the world and be still and know that ‘I am God’”
·       It needs to be totally different than any other of the 6 days of the week. 
·       It should be a day of rejoicing
·       It is not a day to command them to sit reverently on the couch.  That won’t happen.
·       Mom will work harder than ever before.

Jeffrey R. Holland “To the Young Women” November 2005 Ensign
"I make a special appeal regarding how young women might dress for Church services and Sabbath worship. We used to speak of “best dress” or “Sunday dress,” and maybe we should do so again. In any case, from ancient times to modern we have always been invited to present our best selves inside and out when entering the house of the Lord—and a dedicated LDS chapel is a “house of the Lord.” Our clothing or footwear need never be expensive, indeed should not be expensive, but neither should it appear that we are on our way to the beach. When we come to worship the God and Father of us all and to partake of the sacrament symbolizing the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we should be as comely and respectful, as dignified and appropriate as we can be. We should be recognizable in appearance as well as in behavior that we truly are disciples of Christ, that in a spirit of worship we are meek and lowly of heart, that we truly desire the Savior’s Spirit to be with us always.”

Mark E. Peterson “The Sabbath Day” May 1975 Ensign
“Do we really believe in God—sincerely? Are we convinced that he knows what he is talking about? If we are, then will we take him and his word seriously? Or will we further trifle with divine revelation?  The Lord does know what he is talking about. Sabbath observance will help us to more fully remain unspotted from the world.”
·       What is our habit on Sunday?

          L. Tom Perry “And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and donot the things which I say?”  November 1984 Ensign
“I often wonder what happened to the good old saying, “Sunday best.” If our dress deteriorates to everyday attire, our actions seem to follow the type of clothing we wear.  Of course, we would not expect our children to remain dressed in their church clothes all day, but neither would we expect them to dress in clothes that would not be appropriate for the Sabbath.”

Example of Practices in Sister Tanner’s Home:
·       Girls in a dress after church
·       Boys—no shorts, no jeans, wear slacks or Dockers, and button up shirt.
·       If there was a Youth Fireside they went to it in the church clothes even if no one else was in church clothes.

Appropriate Activities:  These need to be special activities that are saved specifically for Sunday.  (The following are examples of practices)
·       Read The Friend
·       Play dough
·       Sunday books
·       Special markers
·       Book of Mormon games that mom makes up and asks questions.
·       Go over scouting merit badge requirements & make goals
·       Cut scout requirements
·       Activity day requirements
·       Faith in God requirements
·       Duty to God requirements
·       Write life histories
·       Scrapbook
·       Making cookies and delivering them
·       Writing letters to family or missionaries

The key is “Being there!” with them.  Focus on what you ‘can do’ not what you ‘can’t do’

4.     General Conference
The difference between our church and others is a living prophet.  We need to chow children that he holds a place in your home and your heart.  Our rationalization teaches children to be casual in church.  We need to put aside things of the world and listen to what he prophet says.

You need to create an environment so they love it.  You have to be excited.

Practices:
·       Conference Saturday—have special food: cinnamon rolls or sugar cereal
·       Food is motivating for children
·       Create a “spot” for themselves….her kids rolled an afaghan from corner to coren and made a circle so they had their own ‘nest’ and put their pillow in there.
·       Little kids can have quiet things like legos, crayons, and dolls.
·       Require children to be in the room.
·       Once in Kindergarten or 1st grade do packets
·       General Conference packets available on lds.org here
·       General Conference packets available at Sugardoodle.net here

          Follow through after conference.  Buy each child their own Ensign and use it for Family Home Evenings for the next 6 months.            Write their name on it. 

Each child can choose one of the 15 apostles & prophets and do a lesson on it.

As they pick then you set a goal as a family on how to apply that in your family.  Write the talk title and family goal on a paper and put it up next to their picture.  Review the goals and try to work on them for the next 6 months. 

You are saying by what you do that you believe the words of the prophets.  If we follow what the prophet says we are standing in holy places and we will be ok.  We have to fortify our children and teach them to be immersed in the Spirit.  The Lord will go before them to guide and protect and lead them home.


Post a comment that shares what your family does for General Conference. 

Thursday, September 29, 2011

CD's Available.....

Thank you so much for your interest in my CD's.  I have seven CD's that are available for purchase through me. Each CD sells for $10.  


The following is a list of the titles.


Positive Discipline:  Includes why children misbehave and 11 tools you may use to correct misbehavior without yelling or spanking.


Praise & Encouragement: We often think we are telling our children positives, but it doesn't not seem to help them.  This CD is focused on the difference between giving children empty praise and giving them the encouragement they need to feel their value without external stroking.


House of Order: Sometimes life with little ones seems like chaos.  This Cd gives ways to put order and security into our homes.  When children feel order and security they do not act out as much and thus the need for discipline decreases.


Teaching Children To Be Valiant:  We may spend a lot of time teaching our children knowledge and having these things internalized so they will guide the lives of our children when we are not around.


Building Positive Self-Esteem: Seven steps to help children discover who they really are and find value in it.


Building Positive Relationships Through Communication:  Strong relationships can only be developed as we learn to understand each other and learn how to listen to learn.  This CD gives ways to learn how to communicate with children, spouse, or co-worker so that relationships can be more effective.


Building Marriage Relationships Through Understanding the Differences Between Men and Women:  In the sight of our Heavenly Father, men and women are created to accomplish different things.  As we come to understand these differences, we can help one another grow rather than criticize and find fault with each other.


Atonement In Daily Living:  This CD is about using the Atonement as we go through trials and adversity.


Four Legs of the Table: Family Home Evening, Family Prayers, Family Scripture Study, Temple Attendance:  See how it takes all 4 legs being equal to keep a balance.


If you are interested in purchasing any of these CD titles, please send a check to the following address and a list of the titles that you would like to have.  You will also need to include the return address that you would like the CD's mailed to.  


Syllabus for fall class also available for $10.  Shipping is $3 per package mailed out.


Carleen Tanner
2305 E. Goodman Street
Boise, ID 83712


Thank you so much, 
Carleen Tanner

Class #2 Creating a House of Order (Follow Up)

When Joseph Smith knelt in the grove his first visitor was Satan. The same thing happens to us. We should each realize that Satan will be our first visitor as well.

If you don’t have a good experience with doing the family motto, don’t leave it. Listen to conference. Get some ideas. Then have them make a family flag. Cut out pictures from church magazines. Make a family collage. Then from there begin to pull out things that your family stands for. Make it a process not an event.



As a “blue” parent we need to talk less and “do” more.

Mom has to generate the energy. Don’t let the moment defeat the vision.

You have to keep the idea alive in enthusiasm not lecture.

Another idea for creating a family mission statement….It was created over a period of 3-4 weeks. She didn’t tell them what they were doing, she just had them do an activity each week. Week #1 draw, cut out pictures, or write 5 of your favorite things. Week #2 draw, cut out pictures, or write 5 of your favorite things to do as a family. Week #3 draw, cut out pictures, or write 5 goals or things you would like to do. Then the next week they took all the pictures and compared them and said, “as a family we like to do……the same and we want to……do these the same.” From there they wrote their family mission statement.

For the Tanner Family Reunion this summer they have titled it “Wave Your Flag”. They did a video of kids at sunrise on Tablerock waving a flag so it is silhouetted. They did a video of kids on California beach waving a flag. They used the Young Women Value flags. They did a clip of each grandchild saying their name and a value. Then for the family reunion each family is to create their own family flag that represents them.

Kids have to feel a part of it to be excited about it.


Ponder: D&C 123:16-17 
16 You know, brethren, that a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves.
17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.


It’s the small things we do that keep the family ship straight. With cheerfulness we need to spend one on one time with a child. With cheerfulness we need to get up early. Do the things that are within your power and watch the arm of God be revealed.



Thursday, September 22, 2011

Class #2 Creating a House of Order

Tyler is Sister Tanner's son.  He lives in Blackfoot and is a seminary teacher there.  They were having their 10 year wedding anniversary so Sister Tanner went down there to stay with the kids.  They have 5 kids ages 9 months to 8 years old.  The 2 year old is potty training.  They also have a new puppy they have only had for 6 days.  The puppy's name is Ollie.  She was up several times a night with the kids.  The 2 year old would stick her hand into the dogs mouth and then say, "no bite".  While she was fixing dinner one night all the kids and the dog were on the floor in the kitchen.  She noticed that everyone was saying, "no" or "don't".  How did the poor dog learn what he was supposed to do?  It was chaos.  


Think about your relationship with your children.  What are you teaching them when you say, "no, don't touch." or "You can't have that."  Do you see the confusion that comes across in the learner?  Do they know exactly what they are supposed to do or just what they aren't supposed to do? 


They stop listening because there is no order.  When they can't find order they are confused.


Another example:  
Sister Tanner loves Christmas.  She carries around a small notebook that she keeps a list of the ages of her grandkids for the upcoming Christmas.  When she buys a gift for them she writes down what she got and where she put it.  She has begun wrapping Christmas gifts already this year.  She saw this quilted tote purse and decided that it would be great to make them for the girls this year for Christmas.  She has finished 4 of them.  She has already bought stuff to go in them.  She decided she would finish cutting out the remaining 6 so that in the evening she could just spend the time sewing them.  They have a room that is a combination sewing room & study.  It's about 10x10.  In there is Mike's chair, bookshelves, an ironing board, as well as cabinets, a computer, and bookcase.  She started looking for her pattern.  She knew that she had it, but she couldn't find it.  She looked and looked.  She unloaded cupboards full of fabric and her pattern cabinets.  She decided she would pray about it.  The Lord said, "I'm not telling you where it is.  Take better care of your stuff." :)   She started to get more and more frustrated the longer she looked.  She never did find it.  She finally had to go buy another new pattern for $8.  It was from lack of order.


What did it create in her?  All the emotion was filled with negativity.


Think about this with our children.  We keep coming down a level until we are so mad we send them to their rooms until their next birthday.  We become angry when things don't go our way and then we react.

  • Heavenly Father's kingdom was created with order.
  • There is order in his plan.  We were in his kingdom until we progressed to the point we needed to be sent to earth to continue on.  We live here and progress and when we die we continue on.  In this order in his kingdom we know his plan.
  • There is order in the church.  They don't give the boys the Melchizedek Priesthood at the age of 8.   We get to be baptized at 8yrs. We go to Young Men/Young Women at 12yrs.  Boys go on missions at 19yrs.
  • We know what we can expect from the Lord.  It's a fact.  There is no guess where we are at or what is coming next.
When you build a house it has to be in order and approved before you can begin.  Your plans have to include a plot plan (where the house sits on the lot), an elevation plan (what the house looks like from all angles), foundation & joists plan (where they will be placed), and a floor plan (where you are going to put the walls).  Everything has to be in order before you can begin building a house.  Mike (her husband) has built houses before, but he didn't just start and say, "Just trust me.  We'll do the plans later."  Also a blueprint of the plan has to be on site all the time.  That way anyone that comes on the site will have access to the plan and know what is going on.

  • As you look at your family...do you have a plan?  We usually have a general plan....kids go on missions, go to college, get to the Celestial kingdom....but our plans need to be more specific.  you can't teach them how to build their lives from those "general" goals.  
  • Do your children have access to the family plan?
  • Do they know the order the family plan goes in and how to progress at it?
  • Do we know the order?
  • We have this vision (mission, Eagle scout, college), but daily we react to the day without referring to the plan.
Principle is:  There must be order.  
  • Order in our homes, our lives, and in the lives of our children.
  • Order has a priority and sequence.
  • You have to have a blueprint for your family.  
  • What is it for your family?  Do you know what you want for your family (in specifics)?
  • All plans won't be the same, but they will be similar because they are based on gospel truths.
  • Your plan will change over time.  It is not the same for preschoolers as it is for teenagers.  Some things remain constant, but how you do them changes.
  • We have to parent with a purpose and stop being reactive to what the moment and our emotions bring.
  • If we parent with a purpose and principles then those are what will govern the moment, not our emotions. 
How do we go about getting that vision?  
1.  Create a family mission statement with your children
  • Something you can refer to constantly
  • Something you will use to discipline or set the values of your children.
  • It says what we want our family to be.
  • It creates a picture of what we want it to look like
  • What can you put in it?  Use the "My Gospel Standards" that the primary has.
Here is an example...

  • Notice the kids signed it with their thumbprint. 
  • They are very simple items in a list.
  • Your children need to find their value and magnify them by serving others.
  • They should be able to say...."I am a 'Tanner' and this is what I stand for."
  • They had a vision of what it was like to be in our family.
  • As a family you need to create a blueprint with what your family stands for.
President Cobb (seminary director) said he wanted to add his testimony to that of Sister Tanner's about creating a family mission statement & motto.  He said, "We measure what is happening by that statement.  When they had a problem with respect we looked at our family mission statement.  It blessed our home.  It took awhile to put it together.  It was not done overnight. When his daughter was a freshman at BYU she struggled with her identity, but she used their family mission statement to ground her."  

President Cobb gave us a copy of his family mission statement & motto to put on the blog as an example....(Thank you President Cobb!)
Mission Statement:
"Our home will be founded upon the principles of faith, prayer, order, respect, love and gratitude.  As a family we will go to church together, have family home evening together, eat together, read scriptures together, work together, pray together, and play together.  As we do these things, we will have a Christ-centered home where the Spirit is present."

Motto:
"Be there!"

It is a list of "to be's" then he added in the "to do's" to create how it is to happen.  

2.  Create a family cheer.
  • Keep it simple, but memorable.

We need order in it's SEASON, in it's PLACE, and in it's TIME.



We need order in it's SEASON:
"I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. If a child lives with parents for 18 or 19 years, that span is only one-fourth of a parent’s life. And the most formative time of all, the early years in a child’s life, represents less than one-tenth of a parent’s normal life. It is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek, with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our homes."   "Daughters of God" by Elder M. Russell Ballard (Ensign May 2008)
  • We forget to focus on them.  This is our season to be with them.
"I have realized, perhaps more than ever before, how critical the formative years of my life were.

Many of the most important and life-changing moments of my life occurred when I was a young man. The lessons I learned then formed my character and shaped my destiny. Without them, I would be a very different man and in a very different place than I am today. "  "Life's Lessons Learned" by Elder Joseph B. Wirthin (Ensign May 2007)
  • this is the season to parent.  Make it the highest priority when you do.
  • If you miss your season it's not that you can't help your children, but those lessons will be harder to impact your children. 
"Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11)." "Daughters of God" by M. Russell Ballard (Ensign May 2008)

EXAMPLE:
Last night Sister Tanner talked to her daughter Jana on the phone in San Diego.  There has been a power outage from Mexico all the way up the coast.  They cancelled school and the stores were giving away ice cream.  They live in a subdivision where all the garages open into an alley.  That evening all the neighbors were outside playing with their kids in the alley with flashlights.  The kids were up late, everyone was out chatting.  Jana's neighbor Joe said, "It's too bad we don't have a power outage every night."  Jana's response was, "You could turn off the TV every night and do it."

We need order in it's PLACE:
Principle:  Cleanliness.  
  • This does not be perfect, but it does mean our homes need to be clean so we can have the Spirit there.
  • Things need to have a place.  We need to put things away.
  • It is not an obsession, but a good balance.
  • It need to be comfortable.

We need order in it's TIME:
When you read scriptures they are in lists.  They are in the correct order of importance.

"Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;"
  • This is a list of "be's" and they motivate the "do's"

  1. Organize yourself.  How?  Get the vision, make the plan
  2. Prepare.  What? You need to accomplish in the organization of you to prepare the family
  3. Establish.  Make it happen.
Here is the order....
  • House of Prayer
  • House of Fasting
  • House of Faith
  • House of Learning
  • House of Glory
  • House of Order
  • House of God
"Create inspiring, noble, and righteous goals that fire your imagination and create excitement in your heart. And then keep your eye on them. Work consistently towards achieving them."   "Life's Lessons Learned" by Elder Joseph B. Wirthin (Ensign May 2007)
  • Find something that gives you energy not a "have to"
Doctrine & Covenants 88:124
"Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated."
  1. Cease to be idle
    • We are busy, but we are busy doing unessential things. 
    • We are content to be mediocre
    • We think that if we are better than someone else then it is adequate and we don't need to try harder.
    • We do need to do something more.  We need to strive a little harder. 
    • Example:  We are doing Family Home Evening (FHE) each week, but are we doing it with a purpose or are we putting in our "hour" because we have to.
    • Pick 1 think & focus on that.  The energy comes from ceasing the "I can't" and changing it to an "I want to."
  2. Cease to be unclean
    • We don't have a chastity problem, but what about the movies you watch?  Could you watch them with Jesus Christ in the room with you?
    • What do you do in your leisure time?  We should have leisure time, but what do you do with it?
    • What about the music you listen to?  Is it uplifting.  
    • Sister Tanner's children used to tease her about having 'elevator' music going in their home all the time.  She likes classical music.  Now her children have 'elevator' music going on in their home as well.
  3. Cease to find fault one with another
    • We need to stop criticizing
  4. Cease to sleep longer than is needful
    • The teaching in the scripture is what is critical
    • Commandment:  Retire to your bed early......Promise: Ye may not be weary.
    • Commandment:  Rise early....Promise: Your bodies & minds might be invigorated.
    • When Harold B. Lee was called as an apostle he was told that if he got up early every morning to read his scriptures that his mind would be invigorated and he would get the most out of it.
    • If you think you are a 'night owl' use Alma's 'experiment' about growing a seed.  To know it is to try it.
    • When your alarm goes off at 4:30 or 5am we won't be 'excited/invigorated'.  You won't wake up charged and ready to go, but if you (STOP, TURN, ACT) get up and get moving you will find that promise is true.
    • If you as a mother will get up and be dressed and read scriptures and say your prayers before the kids get up you will get more things done in your day.
    • Example:  Sister Tanner has a friend that takes her kids to school every day.  They could ride the bus, but it has all the ages of the kids from K-12 on the same bus.  She doesn't like to get up early so she waits until the last minute and then rushes her  kids to school.  Her daughter was called into the principles office for all her tardies because when she gets to school she still wants time to visit with her friends before school starts.  However, because her Mom waits until the last minute to get up she ends up talking to her friends anyway and ends up tardy for her classes.  Instead of the Mom deciding to get up 20 minutes early and get them to school earlier she has decided to put them on the bus.  She went for the comfort of the moment over the principle of her kids riding the bus with older children.  
Daily Routines:
  • Kids feel more secure because they know what is coming.
  • They are self starters because they already know what is next.
  • If you read scriptures every morning as a family when your kids are small, they will still not want to when they are teens, but they will do it anyway, because it's part of the routine.
  • You need set times for meals, FHE, Family prayers, Family scriptures
  • Dinner together is CRITICAL!!!
  • Watch the friend time carefully.  They still need to have friend time, but you can't teach them if they are not with you.
Rites of Passage:
  • There shouldn't be many, but they should be in concrete!
  • These are privledges the kids earn because you turn a certain age.  
  • When you are 8 you are baptized.
  • We have nothing in our society that teaches children that they are growing up.  Nothing defines that.  We need to create that.
  • Practices: (May vary from family to family)
    • Stop taking naps or having quiet time (6 yrs old)
    • Ears pierced for girls (15th birthday--lunch & mother/daughter day)
    • When to wear makeup
    • Priesthood-12 yrs old
    • Activity days-8 yrs old
  • Some of them are natural rites of passage like baptism, priesthood, YM/YW others are ones we create.
  • You have to make sure it's in concrete though.  If you have a 5 yr old and a 6 yr old.  The 5 yr old still has to have quiet time/take a nap but the 6 yr old can stay up.  If you let the 5 yr old stay up so the 6 yr old has something to do (buy yourself peace) then you have invalidated the 6 yr old.  Because being 6 means nothing if the 5 yr old can stay up too.
Lifetime:
  • What will you do at 'once in a life-time' events....baptism, mission, college, marriage
  • Make having father's blessings before each of those events a habit in your home. 
  • Father's blessing before school starts each year.
HOMEWORK:
  1. Write a family mission statement.  At least think about it.  It won't be in stone.  Write it in pencil.  Have your family help you.  Organize yourself first before you present the idea to your family.
  2. Look at your daily & weekly schedule.  We you create order daily & weekly, it will reduce the stress & contention in your home.
  3. Study, read, & pray about the The Family: A Proclamation to the World  That is the doctrine on what the family is based.  It's not just something to look good on your wall.
  4. Before the end of the semester (November 2011) have a FHE lesson on the Proclamation.
  5. Study "Life's Lessons Learned" by Elder Joseph B. Wirthin (Ensign May 2007) 
  6. Whoever is brave enough post an experience to the blog that could help others.  It could something from last week's homework (post under the comments for that lesson please) or it could be an example of your family mission statement, family cheer, or family motto.
Cherish this season where you can have your children to yourselves.  It won't last very long.