Traditions (Follow Up)

Bedtime Tradition:  She read an article on MSN.  She had lots of freckles and kids made fun of her.  Every night her Mom would help her focus on what was happy about the day.  At first he had to say the stuff he liked and disliked.  Now we have to limit it to 3 items that they are thankful for and happy for.

Your mental attitude is a habit that we get into.  We can change our heart through the Atonement.

She stayed home while the kids were little.  Then Mike had back surgery and had to retire early and she went to work full time.  It’s been an eye opener to see what happens when she walks in the door.

Class Member Shared: College daughter still feels connected to home even while away at college because her Mom sent her pillowcase and her Conference binder to her at college early. 

Class Member Shared:  Daughter was scared of her window, but last night it wasn’t.  She took the time to validate her feelings.  That’s really hard for me.  Talked it over with her and took time to pray with her.  I told her that we have our Heavenly Father here to help us and not be scared.  She is really hard to get anything spiritual into her little heart.  I need to grasp these moments when I can penetrate her heart with the Spirit.   She made the effort more than usual.

We have to be on the road going and trying.  It is hard. Change percentages.

We have kids that go to bed really well and then they start not doing it.  You get in there and get to sleep.  Their life continues to change and have new experiences like we do.  The world they see isn’t the world you see.  They can be exposed by something on TV, something some says, to something that is new that is now scary.  A friend tells them about a movie where a robber broke in.  It can be a story.  There is input that we don’t know about.  From time to time…your children are going to push against the pricks.  They start feeling like they are older and suddenly they are pushing to see if you are going to keep the same boundaries.  They aren’t going to tell you that.  It is a subconscious thing.  They push and if you maintain those boundaries they will back off and be happy again.  We push against the Lord, but he keeps his boundaries.   Our principle boundaries need to always stay the same, but the practices can change.  Principles need to be solid and concrete.

Moses 1:39 Behold his is my work and my glory to bring to pass the immortality of man.  

Glory = happiness, my sense of fulfillment. 

Parenting….This is our work and our glory in our home.  It is work!  It is also our glory.  It is the greatest joy you have ever had.

As Sister Tanner looks at my kids and raise their children that is my greatest joy.  Can you imagine if they were raising their kids in a way that wasn’t good. 

In those really discouraging moments remember the “why”.  There are truly sacred moments you are having right now.  I envy you coming into the holiday seasons with little people. 

General Conference:

One year when children were a lot younger her sister came up to visit.  She had 5 children.  They were all playing.  Saturday morning her kids watch conference.  Her kids came up and said what’s going on.  Her kids said Conference is on Sunday.  They didn’t know Conference was on Saturday. 

When we don’t train our children to know that it is on Saturday and our Young Men don’t understand that Priesthood session is an option.  It is a commandment.

Being a dictator doesn’t work.  The things in our power are to create an environment.  We can’t force them to have a testimony, but we create experiences where they feel our love and testimony.

Elder Bednar…Spirit will bring truth “unto”, but they open the door and bring it “into”.

When you have little people it isn’t about them learning principles it’s about them feeling warm fuzzies.  It focuses on what we will do with conference more than what you can’t do during Conference. 

Article of Faith #9

As we teach that principle that we have living prophets to give them the knowledge and testify that is the truth doesn’t take it into their heart.  It’s where we bring that truth to them and let them open the door get it in. 

It’s fun because of how you set it up.  How you set it up is practices.  Article of Faith #9 is principle.  That needs to be taught!  It distinguishes us from all the other churches.  How you do it is practices.

Food is a drawing card for children.  The bait is food.  Anything that helps the child become interactive.  Their attention span is short.  Anything that helps them have recall after they’ve heard it is a good hook.  It opens the door to take it from unto to into.

Conference wasn’t options.  All 4 session.  Our children would start early Saturday morning laying claim to their turf.  This is my spot for Conference.  One son would take the afghans an roll them up and put them in a circle.  That was his nest and no one could get into it.  Someone would bring blankets and pillows.  Everyone defined their areas.  Always make cinnamon rolls, sugar cereal, all that fun stuff.  Food is a real come on. 

Come Listen to a Prophet’s Voice magnet board…mix up the pictures on fridge and put them in order.  Play match with names and pictures.  Use business card magnets on the back.  It helps them to learn faces.  These are up year round on the fridge. 

Highly recommend conference notebooks.  www.lds.org they have preparation for Conference.  It gives you a link to the packet.  It’s fun for primary age children.  Give them part the first day and part the second. 

Tracy’s traditions:  Conference binder….larger pictures of the 15.  They take notes for whomever was speaking.  They keep their own notes under that apostle. 

Mary Popins “gallon bags” with the prophet/apostle picture in the bag was an activity to do while they were talking. 

Pictures on the wall and put up topic for each one.

Jars of candy in front with “topics” on, when they hear it they get a piece out of the jar.

The purpose of Conference it to “Come Listen To a Prophet’s Voice”. 

The younger the children are the more “fun” things they need, but you need to wean them as they get older to actually listen. 

If you want this principle to get into, it has to be a living principle.  It isn’t momentary.  It’s living!  The principle has life.  I would recommend once Conference is over each member of your family gets their own copy and you put their name on it.  This should go with their scriptures.  They can read in there on their personal scriptures reading time. 

The friend has good follow up.  It should become your FHE manual for the next 6 months.  Put a blank piece of paper next to it.  Let each one of your children pick one of the 15.  They are responsible for teaching the FHE on whatever Conference talk they gave.  As they give the talk, you need to prepare a way for the family to implement it. 

Name, Talk, Goal.  It could last a couple of week…learn about it, then activity on it.  It doesn’t die after conference Sunday.  It lives on and we focus on it and we testify of it and we make it a living part of our home. 

Class Member Shared:  Mormon messages….stories have been put to animation on lds.org   Good Sunday activity.  Mormon channel app.  You can get them anywhere.  We need to use them more often.  They have been created to help teach the youth and catch their attention.

Traditions--Class #3 (Fall 2012)

TRADITIONS:

It is a lot broader than you think it is. 

HOMEWORK:  New page for Traditions on the blog.  If you want to put a picture with your tradition.  Email it to Andrea.  She can post them there.  If you don’t have picture just post to the comments.  Pictures are powerful. 

She came from family without traditions.   Mike came from a family without traditions.  They wanted traditions.  Picked up ideas from Relief Society or sharing with others. 

What was purpose of motto, flag…it creates purpose for your family.   Tie rebar then pour concrete.  Traditions are the rebar.  It keeps them tied together and strong.  They want to come back and continue to share.  You tied the family together with something that was strong.  

There is nothing stronger than a memory that binds the family.  Traditions are binding moments that tie your children to something.

Dr. Robinson……(radio broadcast)  When I interview kids who are in trouble with the law…what does your family stand for.  Most cannot.  If I talk with kids who have  a strong family bond, most can say…we are Jewish, father or mother does this or that.  It has value for them.  Kids must have that.  We don’t stand alone in life.  

If you have families that pass through home, when they are teenagers and plugged into something, they aren’t bonding with family.  You have to create something that bonds family together.  It solidifies family. They need the memories and strength they will find in your home. 

Patch Adams…..There are so many influences on children these days.  1.  Try to have a vibrant relationship with spouse.  Set a good example for children.  I think if they let their creative aspect fly, the kids will see that passion.  If parents are overwhelmed with life their kids will see that too.   

Tanner 1:1  Tell your face you are happy.   

Sing with them.  You yellows do it all the time.  Your homes are really fun….not real ordered, but fun.  Blues have very structured ordered homes and you will behave right.  You are so boring.  It is almost a sin to have fun.  J  We need to mesh the 2.  We need green homes.  We need the order and the fun.  In the fun (traditions). 

Tradition:  Sister Tanner showed a picture of her 5 boys at the top of Mt. Borah after they had climbed it.  Climbed Mt. Borah every year.  Dad took picture.  Mom not in the picture. 

 If you are not in the picture you aren’t in the memory.   If you want family to bond the whole family has to be in the picture.  Memories are made from pictures.  It may not be a physical picture.  When you recall a special moment in life it is a picture in your mind.  Think about creating pictures that will last in the heart.  

Your digital pictures always sit.  They aren’t doing much good.  Use the pictures!  On Sunday afternoon create a slideshow, pull in some activities and get those pictures running.  Have them running all the time.  You have to create an event where they bring up those memories and relive the picture.  They need to do “remember whens”.  DVD of pictures.   You have to play them.

Class member shared…did digital pictures.  Her soft heated daughter told her that, sometimes I cry when I look at our photobooks.  Shutterfly will just auto fill the book.  You upload the pictures and tell it autofill.  Really fast.  Really easy.  www.shutterfly.com

That would be a great thing to do on the birthday…book about them with pictures.. 

There are several kinds of traditions.  Look at your life and home and be sure you have traditions in each area. 

1.  Daily Traditions
2. Family Traditions
3. Holiday Traditions
4. Once in a Lifetime Traditions

You don’t have to do it all.  Pick something and do something new.  Upgrade them a little.  Post a tradition.  You will find something that is exciting and new to you.  Then your assignment is “to do”.  Pick something and make it work.  Add some yellow to your family.  Add some fun.  

DAILY RITUALS:

What you do from day to day in your home is a tradition.  If you doubt it…spend a week as a mouse in the corner in someone’s house.  You will notice the atmosphere in different homes is very different.  That atmosphere is created by that families daily traditions.  It creates an atmosphere. 

Have you walked into someone’s home and just felt peace and happiness?  You will find you have a different feeling in different homes.  If you watch the people you will understand why.  

1.  Family mission statement---say at family prayer, use for FHE.  This is what we believe.  Not a sibling picking on someone else.   Creates unity on daily basis.
2. How you do dinner time.  Powerful tool.
3. Family scriptures
4. Family prayer
5. Crossroads----going and comings of the home.  Anytime any member comes or goes.  Different people are going to be in the home at different crossroads.  You may not always be there at their crossroads.  What is your family tradition of crossroads.   As your children are leaving for school where are you?  Are you saying….You didn’t get your rooms done, you have to finish that when you get home.  As they come home from school are you on pinterest or quilting or anything…do you say…hi how are you?  Or do you say nothing and they have to come find you.  You have had a rough day and come home and husband beat you home from work he is on the computer.  No one says anything.  You say hi honey I’m home.  Nothing.  You have to go into the room where his body is.  He’s not “there”.  It’s a downer feeling.  No one is bad or wrong.  It’s just a down feeling.  If he gets up and comes to you, you feel like it’s so good to be home.  I love coming home.
1. Whenever children left I would be at the door to wave them goodbye.
2. When they come home after date you better be there to meet and greet.
3. Make sure you still do this with your husband.

Class Member Shared:  Grandmother had “waving rock”.  Whenever anyone leaves you stand at the waving rock and wave when they come or go.

Class Member Shared:  Every night I go in and read stories with them.  Since school I have been wanting them to go to bed early.  I need to tell them why I want them to go to bed early.  It’s because I want to spend more time with them instead of rushing to get done.   

She is focusing on the how and the what, but the kids are missing the why.  If she will share it with them it will help them want to do what they are asked.  

6.  Huge hallway…4’ wide through whole house, with 5 teenage boys they could walk down a hall without hitting each other.  They can’t.  That’s the way boys show they like each other.  Hall of Fame….54 pictures.  Pictures of activities, school, camping….it was not nicely matched frames.  Very hodge podge.  They loved that hallway.  On the other side I had baby pictures.  I replaced those with Senior graduation pictures then marriage pictures.  It validates the kids.  It validates them. 
7. Bedtime routines
8. Scripture Time.

FAMILY TRADITIONS:

1.  Working on the subdivision….as soon as they graduated in  jr high.
2. Rites of Passage….age for ears pierced, Sundays, no naps, Memorial Days

EXAMPLE:  Mary Poppins bag…denim bag that was huge…took on trips.  In the bag would be different treats, activities, puzzles, candy, anything.  When you get to Mt. Home, Twin, Snowville….predetermined locations.  String across top of car with clothespins…they had to match the Exit sign for that treat.  At that point they would get their next treat.  They had breakup points.  They were much happier.  All the kids wanted to go with Grandma.  

3. Months of year---file box.  Has number…the cards are just numbered.  Put year on the card and write the year.  The little tiny things are the things the kids want to know.  Once a week write down a couple of events.  Sitting on cupboard. 
4. Family activity…..You HAVE to have something to fill this category….backpacking and camping together.  Water ski, Snow ski, bicycling---races, roller skate, bowl, do it consistently.  That is what your family does.
5. Family Calendar once a year….with pictures

HOLIDAY TRADITIONS:

1. Birthdays….red plate and cup, birthday table cloth, decorations make a happy spirit in the home.  Most important holidays in the year.  You can make individual children feel special.  It needs to be a big deal.  Birthdays start in the morning.  Person’s picture below it.  “Party” banner.  Question & Answer every year they fill it out.  Clown—wooden with eye hook and tie balloons to.  Put in middle of table.  Pillowcase you put over back of chair with pocket for love notes to birthday person.  Read them at party.  Before you could open gift you had to say something you love about the person who gave it to you.  No big “friend” parties.  Big party…do Humanitarian service, bring a gift for shelter home.  So child is not “mine…you can’t touch them.”  Think about what you teach even in the party. Fill out birthday questionnaire.

Class Member Shared:  Each child picks a cause to donate to.  They take the things in.  

2. Lessons for Life---binder---ABC tabs—repentance, faith, testimony—as they have experiences it becomes a family journal of experiences.
3. Halloween---On pillow October 1^st all through Oct…it become trick or treat bag.  They come home and dump candy.  Tracy gives them each a sandwich size Ziploc bag.  Fill it as full as it will go and zip shut.  They take the rest and put it out on the front porch.  During the night the Halloween witch comes and takes their candy and leaves a book.  Then if you are frugal you now have your candy for Christmas stockings. 
4. Valentine’s Day---draw names and make poster for whoever they drew.  Have FHE—buy paper, markers, stickers.  No candy.  Depicted what they loved about that person.  Share posters and say what they meant.  They would be in the kids room for the next year.  It says how much each sibling loves each of them.
5. Christmas—make it a tradition.  There reaches a point where you do not go to Grandparents home and don’t feel guilty about it.  Your kids need to remember traditions in your home.  You can invite them to come to you.  Christmas book…pictures from year to year.  Packs away with decorations.  They pick names…they had to buy or make gift.  Had to write a Christmas love letter to that person.  It evolved into a salad bar as the kids got older.  Christmas Eve about 5pm.  Sign says, “Forever Christmas Eve”.  33 Grandchildren….keep notebook and write down what is bought and where you put it.  Read Christmas story, talent show, pick a family about Thanksgiving time.  Each child assigned a family member.  They had to buy 3 gifts…something to wear, something to do, something to eat.  That was the focus of pre-Christmas season.  Go to neighboring ward and get the name of a family.  Great experiences!  Deliver secret family gifts. 
1. One year we had a trampoline.  Down the street 2 blocks in the middle of the road trying to put up the trampoline.  Really snowy.  Put together and put packages on the trampoline.  Carrying down the road and laughing so hard.  Put in on the porch when they couldn’t miss it.  Giggling and laughing.  The look on their face was the greatest gift.
2. Nathan had someone’s name who knew this person.  He came and said I want to buy a Quicksilver jeans (expensive).  If you want to you can.  He did.  He used every penny to buy him jeans and sweatshirt.  Are you sure you really want to do it?  Did drop off.  From that point until the end of the year.  That boy wore those jeans every day to school.  He washed them at night.  Everyday Nate was so grateful. 
3. Turn off all lights and watch the “Grinch who stole Christmas”.  Opened their new PJ’s.  Read their love letters to each other.  By the time they would get finished reading.  The kids would say we don’t need presents.  It created love in the family.  That was all they needed.
4. Mr. Peeps…Comes out the day after Thanksgiving.   Every night you have to remember to move him after everyone is asleep.  First thing your kids look all over to find him. 

General Conference needs to become a tradition. 

ONCE IN A LIFE TIME---Marriage, Graduation, First Babies, Mission

Heavenly Father has traditions.  We can count on them.  Conference will come.  At 8 baptized.  At 12 priesthood.  The Lord gives us rebar to cement our life with because he wants us to feel so much a part of his family that we would do anything to come home.  We want our children to feel so much a part of our family that they want to come home.  

Tradition is critical!!!  They have to feel like life is “fun”.  They have to feel like it is “heart fun”.  We always need to be creating wonderful new experiences, but hold on to a few new ones.  Start the tradition in your home this week of being happy, smile, be grateful to be a mom. 

Message from Sister Tanner 9-23-12

Thank you so much for your reverence in our class this last week.  It is so hard when there are so many of us.  This last week was wonderful!!  Thank you.  

Just a reminder, please use the side chapel door to drop your little ones off at the nursery so they do not have to go through the Institute lobby.  President Cobb told me that the statue of the Christ is on loan to the institute and it is very important that we do not let our children climb on the base or touch it.  I promised him that I would pass along the information.  

Thank you so much for coming and sharing in the class.  

Please come with good ideas on "Traditions" for this next week.  It is wonderful to have each of you in class.  

Sister Tanner