Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Class #4 Traditions

  • When you get married...you come from a family with lots of traditions, and so does he.  You are trying to do all those traditions from both homes at the same time.  It doesn't work.
  • In-laws have no right to set your traditions.  You need to love and respect your in-laws, but do your own thing.
  • You both leave your homes and cleave to each other and create your own traditions.  Some of them you may want to carry on, but create some of your own.
  • Traditions are the glue that holds your family together.
  • Your family is not in competition with each other or any other families you know.
  • When you try to compete with someone else you feel like you can't do it.
  • look at where you are in your family right now and figure out how you can improve.
  • From a radio program.  There was a guy by the name of Robinson that worked with troubled teenagers.  He asked teens that were in trouble and teens that weren't in trouble the same thing.  He asked them 'What does your family stand for?'  The teens that were in trouble couldn't find anything to tell you.  The other teens were able to identify some things that their family stands for.  We don't stand along in life we stand together. 
  • Patch Adams said, "Perhaps we expect too much from holidays and not enough from everyday life."
  • How many of us get depressed in January?  During the holiday months we are looking forward and anticipating every day until Christmas.  Then there is a huge let down when it's over.
  • We have unread expectations in what we think a holiday should be.
  • Don't put unreal expectations on holiday traditions.
  • Relief Society is the best place to get ideas.  Ask lots of sisters what they do.  Write down their ideas.  You can hear amazing things from others.  Then pick and choose or change what they do and adapt it to your own needs/wants for a tradition in your family.
  • Some traditions are planned....like what you do for General Conference.
  • Some traditions just happen.  Example:  Sister Tanner's sister has 5 boys.  She decided that on the last day of school they would have a little fun.  So she bought cans of whipped cream and they had a whipped cream fight one year.  The next year as school was just about over the boys were asking if they were going to have another whipped cream fight again like they always do on the last day of school and could some of their friends come.  They now have it in the park and it's huge.  Lots of people show up.
  • Traditions are the cement that bind families together that make you bonded.
Daily Rituals are traditions:
  • Whenever her kids walked into the house she was playing the "oldies".  Now whenever you walk into their houses they are playing the "oldies".
  • What was the sound in your house?
  • What was the smell in your house?  Sister Tanner's kids remember homemade bread smell.  She made 4 loaves of bread every day to fill up her hungry kids.
  • What do you do for dinner?  Do you eat together?
  • How do you meet and greet each other at the coming and going?  Are you there.  You need to be there when they arrive and when they leave your home.  Sister Tanner's family walks her out to the car to say good-bye when she leaves.  It makes her feel loved.
  • What about entertainment?  TV, computer, trampoline, basketball.  What does your family do together?
  • In Sister Tanner's family everyone had a friendly, happy, non-destructive, self-chosen nickname.
  • Bedtime rituals are traditions.
  • The walls in your home are traditions.  What are on them?  Sister Tanner had a long hallway.  One one side was their "Hall of Fame".  At one time it had 59 pictures on it.  It was a hodge podge of frames.  They had pictures of the kids in football, choir, formal pictures, family pictures, camping pictures, etc.  The other side of the wall she had their baby pictures.  When they graduated she changed them out for their graduation pictures and then later for their wedding pictures.
  • She had their missionary plaques on the walls.
  • She had an Eagle Scout plaque on the wall...it had their picture, their award and their name.  She left empty space.  She never had to push her kids because they wanted to have their picture up on the wall with their name.  Now her grandkids are asking if they get to be on the Eagle Scout plaque too.  They want to be just like their uncles and don't want to be left out.
  • These become traditions of what your family stands for.
  • Other traditions should be...that you work together, having family prayer, having family scripture study.
  • Make it a tradition to have a picture of the temple in their bedrooms.
  • Make it a tradition for Mom to SMILE.  We go around with straight faces.  You need to tell your face you are happy.
  • You may see yourself as a happy person, but then what you say (negative things) show something different.
  • How do others perceive you?
  • What would it be like to have yourself as a mother? 
  • You can change.  It takes time and work, but you can do it.
Holiday Traditions:

  • View it as an opportunity to have 'fun' with your kids
  • Everything doesn't have to have a purpose other than fun and happiness.
Birthdays:
The following are some ideas of things that can be done for birthdays....
  • Red plate...put at their place for dinner.
  • Chair back cover with pocket---sew like a pillow case (measure your chair first) add a pocket.  Mom puts it on the chair the night before.  Sometime during the day everyone puts a "love note" for the birthday person in the pocket.  When they open presents that night they read their "love notes"
  • Pillowcase---birthday party fabric.  They get the pillowcase on their pillow for the whole week before their birthday.
  • Tablecloth & Clown Center piece or "Party" center piece---put table cloth on table (fabric from JoAnns) add the Clown Center piece and you are ready to go.  The next morning they wake up to a "party"
  • "Party at Grandma's" cloth banner.  It ties on the blinds for a sliding glass door.
  • Birthday wreath goes on the door.  It is a straw wreath, use balloons without blowing them up and pieces of curly ribbon.  Use the floral staples to attach to wreath. Hang on front door for the day.
  • They get to choose their own breakfast, their own activity, and their own dinner.
  • No friend parties....It changes the focus to one of greed and from family to friends.  Be careful of the message you are sending to your children.
  • Before they open the gift from that person they have to say something nice about the person giving the gift.  It again changes the focus from in to out.
  • Tell them their "birthday" story.
  • Birthday question & answer sheet...."my favorite color, song, food, teacher, etc)
  • Husband buys flowers and gives to mom on child's birthday.  
  • Wife buys mother or mother-in-law flowers to thank them for their spouses "birth"day



Valentine's Day
These are examples of some traditions for Valentine's Day.  Use it as a day to pull the family together
  • The Monday before Valentine's day draw someones name and make a secret "love" poster.  Mom needs to have on hand lots of art supplies and paper.
  • Draw names for "secret pal" of the week
  • Write love letters to each of your children
  • Make a heart pocket that hangs on their beds and every night for a week put a little thing in the pocket....note, candy kiss.
  • Formal Valentine dinner as a family....candles, treat cups, fancy glasses & dishes, etc
  • Valentine mail boxes for each child
Halloween
These are examples of some traditions for Halloween.
  • Family Halloween party
  • Trunk-or-treat
  • Make treats and take them to the fire station and deliver them.
  • Give each child $5 and take them to the dollar store to buy decorations for decorating their room.  Then have a tour of the bedrooms.
  • Camp lantern in the middle of the floor, turn out the lights and sit around it telling 'a little scary stories'.  
  • Halloween pillow cases on bed starting October 1st.  The night of Halloween they take them off and use them as their trick-or-treat bag.  When they are finished they come home get a ziploc sandwich bag pick out what will fit.  They leave the rest in their pillow cases on the porch for the Halloween witch.  She comes when they are in bed and leaves them a book and takes the candy.  You can then use the candy to stuff stockings at Christmas time.
Christmas Traditions:
These are some tradition ideas that can be done at Christmas time.

  • "Forever Christmas Eve" wooden sign up all year in Sister Tanner's sewing room.
  • She carries a notebook in her purse that have her kids and grandkids with their ages and sizes for next Christmas.  When she purchases something she writes down what it is and where she hid it.
  • Christmas pillow cases
  • Cutting your own Christmas tree
  • Giving Christmas away to another family.
  • Christmas Eve program---In 1995 in the middle of their Christmas Eve program some seminary kids came caroling.  Afterwards her son said that he was so grateful to be part of their family because the other kids were out caroling because their families didn't do anything for Christmas Eve.
  • Kids line up Christmas Morning youngest to oldest to go out and open gifts.
  • Christmas book (picture)---They drew names for each other.  Sometimes they made gifts for each other sometimes they bought them.  They also wrote a letter to them.  Christmas Eve right before bed they would sit around the tree and read the letters outloud.  Kept a binder of the letters to re-read later.

  • Mr. Peeps....Elf that comes to your home on Thanksgiving night to keep a lookout for Santa on what the kids are doing right.  There is a poem that goes with it.   You move the elf every night.  The kids can't touch him or he loses his magic.  Christmas Eve he sits in the tree and Santa takes him home until the next Thanksgiving night.  You can use any elf you want.  Here is one website, but it looks like the pattern might be sold out.  You can do a search online and see if you can find the poem that goes with him as well.
  • Thank you letters---you can play and use everything you get on Christmas Day, however on December 26th you can only play and use what you have written letters for.  You can't use any of the Santa gifts until you have all your thank you notes written.
    • Someone asked...How do you introduce that if that has never been the case ever before?  Sister Tanner suggested..."Guess what we are going to do this year?"  Then focus on what they can do and what they are going to do.  It's all in your approach.  Be firm.  Sister Tanner wrote a master list of gifts as the kids opened them and posted it on the fridge.  They checked off the gifts as they wrote their notes.  
  • Polar Express Christmas Eve...They met at one house and read the story of the Polar Express then each child was given a ticket to ride the Polar Express which was a Suburban with all the seats removed.  They rode in the back.  They drove around and the rest of the people followed in their cars.  They went to another house where they had the rooms sheeted off.  In one room they passed out parts of the Nativity story and read it.  That was the "spiritual" room.  In the "family" room they played games like pass the gingerbread man.  In the kitchen they had a caldron of hot chocolate and sugar cookies.  Then everyone opened their Christmas pajamas and watched the cartoon Grinch then went to their own homes.
You have to respect the family that you are creating.  You need to invite family and in-laws to join you in your traditions, but don't allow them to take over.  Be firm in love.  Set boundaries that include them, but don't let them dominate.  

Set tradition of family roots.  Tell them about their heritage, what it was like when you were growing up, genealogy sheets, family histories.  

Set a tradition of playing together....biking, backpacking, something you do together as a family.

As you put the mortar of traditions between the bricks your family will be eternal families not just mortal families.

Please share what traditions your family has or does in the comments so we can all get some more ideas.  

7 comments:

Redheaderfriends said...

I love the Mr. Peeps idea for Christmas! I am going to try that this year. Thanks for all the wonderful ideas!

Joanna S. said...

My comment has little to do with traditions and more about the general idea of becoming the women we want to be. I just saw a quote posted on Facebook and felt inspired by it, so I thought I would share. "Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the Devil says, "Oh crap. She's up." I'm trying!!! This class is helping.

gnjpenney said...

I LOVED this lesson.I mean I LOVE THEM all or else I would have be taking the classes for a second time, but I love this class so much.. I share this on MY BLOG cause my sister in laws live in other states but want to read about these classes cause brag all week long about what I learned and what I am not going to do. This is what I wrote in my blog under the share link to THIS blog:

Dear family and Friends, YOU HAVE to read this lesson. I am in love with all these ideas about holidays and traditions. I had a hit of spirit this week. I NEED to be more involved with my kids instead of worrying out the outside world thinks. ( this has been a huge issues for me thinking the world is judging me) I need to worry about what is going on in my home instead. I LOVE the fact that she has a big FAMILY party for birthdays cause it is a celebration of life INTO your family, not for you school friends to come and have cake and play games. I JUST LOVE these ideas!!!!!! Hope you find the same joy and ideas and find some inspiration for your home and holiday's and crafts to do!!...I KNOW DID!

I ALSO love Mr. Peeps, I also love that you can use whatever crafty thing you can but the idea is to make the kid wanna be good!

I also love the quote
" When Life knocks you to your knee's, what better time to pray"

THANK YOU sister Tanner for all these lessons and ideas and inspiration!

Anonymous said...

I found two websites that have the Christmas elves and a book that tells about the tradition. www.elf-magic.com and www.elfontheshelf.com. I like the elf magic one because you can get a more personalized elf for each kid. I have only two so it isn't too expensive. Chrissy Lee

Andrea said...

Our family tradition was started years ago by my Mom & Dad. They grew up in Eastern Idaho where there was a lot of snow. My Dad joined the Navy and they were stationed in San Diego, California where they never saw snow. They decided the first year that they were away from “home” for Christmas they would have to make their own snow. So they began to cut snowflakes, press them, tie strings to them, and hang them from their ceiling. They would save them year to year. They took them down, laid them flat in a file folder and stored them for the next year. When they returned to Idaho the tradition continued.

One year when my Dad was cutting snowflakes he accidentally cut one that looked like Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street with the garbage can lid on his head. Each year the afternoon after Thanksgiving dinner we pulled out the snowflakes and hung them from the ceiling. All of them (more than 100 at a time) were hung except for Oscar. All the kids had to leave the room and Oscar was hidden among the other snowflakes that were already hung. It was then a race to be the first one to find Oscar. Everyone that came to our home was impressed with all the different snowflakes and always had to find Oscar. Quite often they were required to cut a snowflake to add to the collection with their name or initials and the year listed on each one.

As time passed Oscar (and many of the other snowflakes) became very yellow and brittle. It is almost impossible to cut another snowflake identical to another one, however one year my Mom decided that Oscar just wasn’t going to make it another year. She carefully refolded Oscar and traced the pattern onto a new piece of paper and cut a new one. He doesn’t look the same, but the main idea was there. I was given the “Original Oscar” several years after I had been married and had children of my own. I decided that each member of our family needed to have an Oscar in their homes as well. I mounted Oscar on a colored piece of paper with the story of how he came to be and color copied them and put them in frames for each of my siblings. Now we all have an Oscar in our home…on the wall, not our ceilings at Christmas time.

Each of us cuts our own snowflakes and hangs them and save them from year to year. We have shared this tradition with so many people. It is always fun to see their reactions to our snowflakes. We have been married for 18 years now. A few years ago someone asked me how many we had in our collection. I had no idea. I couldn’t even guess. So we counted them when we took them down. We had over 175 snowflakes. We have since added to that and will continue to add to them as each year passes by.

It takes us about 1 to 1 ½ hours to hang them each year. We have all been cutting snowflakes since we were big enough to hold scissors. Each year someone challenges me to a new one and me being the competitive person that I am has to take that challenge. I have cut names, dates, company logos, and lots of other things into them. We all have our favorites. One year I cut a violin into one with the bottom of it to the center and the handle to the outside for the points of the snowflake….then just to prove I could do it (I was told it couldn’t be done) I cut it again with the bottom of the violin on the outside and the handle in the middle.

My kids now enjoy cutting snowflakes each year. It’s fun to see their progression from year to year. They are already talking about what they are going to do when they get married and leave home. For their first Christmas they will probably receive a copy of the “Original Oscar” to have in their homes to carry on that tradition.

Leslie said...

I have been working on helping my kids have more confidence, so every night we do the "who rocks the house" cheer as a family, for each person, then end with' Simmons rock the house and when Simmons rock the house we rock it all the way down.'. And a hug of course! It has been fun to watch my kids beg for family cheer every night ( and all day for that matter.. :)

Betsy said...

I have six kids, ages 13 – 3. Our family’s favorite unique holiday tradition is what we call our “New Year’s Eve Spectacular!” It is a night for us to celebrate being a family and reminisce on the blessings of the past year. It consists of a formal dinner, awards ceremony, family slideshow, games, and a movie. It takes some prep work for me, but it’s so much fun and something we can all look forward to after the excitement of Christmas is over.

One of the silly parts of the night is that everyone gets to wear whatever they want – my husband and I dress up in “formal” wear, my older daughters use it as a chance to wear my old prom dresses, and my younger kids like to dress up silly with costumes and wigs from the dress-up box, etc. We start the evening with a processional down the stairs, set to some dramatic music, where we “announce” each child, one at a time, and they pose for pictures and show off their outfits. They love it! Then we meet in the dining room where the kids are excited to see a candlelit and decorated table -- glass goblets, cloth napkins, etc. I usually buy some cheapie “Happy New Year” crowns and blowers that are part of the table settings that we wear and use throughout the night.

Our dinner consists of everyone’s very favorite food (this is in contrast to New Year’s Day where I make a brand new meal). I let them choose whatever they love, though I do use some persuasion, so I’m not making too many things. It can be a little wacky -- last year we had chicken pot pie, spaghetti, sweet and sour meatballs, jello and fruit snacks. ☺ (It’s nice the rest of the week for leftovers!) Throughout dinner, we go around the table and reminisce about the year, asking each child what they’ve learned this past year and what they feel like their year’s highlights were.

After dinner, we have an awards ceremony. This is my husband’s assignment and he prints up official looking certificates and presents the awards in a fun, dramatic fashion. He comes up with awards that are unique to each child’s personalities and talents, so that it’s not competitive -- such as “Lego Man of the Year” for my son who’s a lego maniac or “Award for the Longest Book Read” the year one daughter completed Les Miserables. We clap and cheer and take pictures.

At this point, we usually run and change into pajamas for the evening. We gather in the family room to snuggle up on the couch and watch a slide show set to our favorite songs from the year, of our year’s highlights. The kids love, love, love this! (We do, too!) It’s fun to see how much we have all grown and experienced over the year. With digital cameras, it’s amazing how many pictures we take -- it’s usually almost an hour long!

After the slideshow, those of us who are still awake play games like Twister and Mad Gab and other fun games everyone can play. (This year we’re planning to have a dance party and some karaoke!) We wrap it up by putting on a fun movie (usually one we get for Christmas) until the clock chimes midnight!

This has been such a fun “family only” tradition – it would be hard now to ever get together with friends or other family again for New Years. And I hope as my kids get older, they will look forward to spending New Years Eves at home with the family!

******
Other Daily Traditions:

We have a clock that chimes at 7:00 a.m. -- the same time everyone is to be at the table for morning scriptures. Whoever is not there by the last chime has to do everyone else's dinner chores that night! Very effective!

This year we're having a problem with a few children dragging their feet getting ready for school. So, we've altered it to having to be not only *at* the table at 7:00 a.m., but also dressed and ready to go by the time the clock chimes. If everyone does this Monday-Thursday, they earn doughnuts on Friday for breakfast.