Class #4 Traditions

• When you get married...you come from a family with lots of traditions, and so does he.  You are trying to do all those traditions from both homes at the same time.  It doesn't work.
• In-laws have no right to set your traditions.  You need to love and respect your in-laws, but do your own thing.
• You both leave your homes and cleave to each other and create your own traditions.  Some of them you may want to carry on, but create some of your own.
• Traditions are the glue that holds your family together.
• Your family is not in competition with each other or any other families you know.
• When you try to compete with someone else you feel like you can't do it.
• look at where you are in your family right now and figure out how you can improve.
• From a radio program.  There was a guy by the name of Robinson that worked with troubled teenagers.  He asked teens that were in trouble and teens that weren't in trouble the same thing.  He asked them 'What does your family stand for?'  The teens that were in trouble couldn't find anything to tell you.  The other teens were able to identify some things that their family stands for.  We don't stand along in life we stand together. 
• Patch Adams said, "Perhaps we expect too much from holidays and not enough from everyday life."
• How many of us get depressed in January?  During the holiday months we are looking forward and anticipating every day until Christmas.  Then there is a huge let down when it's over.
• We have unread expectations in what we think a holiday should be.
• Don't put unreal expectations on holiday traditions.
• Relief Society is the best place to get ideas.  Ask lots of sisters what they do.  Write down their ideas.  You can hear amazing things from others.  Then pick and choose or change what they do and adapt it to your own needs/wants for a tradition in your family.
• Some traditions are planned....like what you do for General Conference.
• Some traditions just happen.  Example:  Sister Tanner's sister has 5 boys.  She decided that on the last day of school they would have a little fun.  So she bought cans of whipped cream and they had a whipped cream fight one year.  The next year as school was just about over the boys were asking if they were going to have another whipped cream fight again like they always do on the last day of school and could some of their friends come.  They now have it in the park and it's huge.  Lots of people show up.
• Traditions are the cement that bind families together that make you bonded.

Daily Rituals are traditions:

• Whenever her kids walked into the house she was playing the "oldies".  Now whenever you walk into their houses they are playing the "oldies".
• What was the sound in your house?
• What was the smell in your house?  Sister Tanner's kids remember homemade bread smell.  She made 4 loaves of bread every day to fill up her hungry kids.
• What do you do for dinner?  Do you eat together?
• How do you meet and greet each other at the coming and going?  Are you there.  You need to be there when they arrive and when they leave your home.  Sister Tanner's family walks her out to the car to say good-bye when she leaves.  It makes her feel loved.
• What about entertainment?  TV, computer, trampoline, basketball.  What does your family do together?
• In Sister Tanner's family everyone had a friendly, happy, non-destructive, self-chosen nickname.
• Bedtime rituals are traditions.
• The walls in your home are traditions.  What are on them?  Sister Tanner had a long hallway.  One one side was their "Hall of Fame".  At one time it had 59 pictures on it.  It was a hodge podge of frames.  They had pictures of the kids in football, choir, formal pictures, family pictures, camping pictures, etc.  The other side of the wall she had their baby pictures.  When they graduated she changed them out for their graduation pictures and then later for their wedding pictures.
• She had their missionary plaques on the walls.
• She had an Eagle Scout plaque on the wall...it had their picture, their award and their name.  She left empty space.  She never had to push her kids because they wanted to have their picture up on the wall with their name.  Now her grandkids are asking if they get to be on the Eagle Scout plaque too.  They want to be just like their uncles and don't want to be left out.
• These become traditions of what your family stands for.
• Other traditions should be...that you work together, having family prayer, having family scripture study.
• Make it a tradition to have a picture of the temple in their bedrooms.
• Make it a tradition for Mom to SMILE.  We go around with straight faces.  You need to tell your face you are happy.
• You may see yourself as a happy person, but then what you say (negative things) show something different.
• How do others perceive you?
• What would it be like to have yourself as a mother? 
• You can change.  It takes time and work, but you can do it.

Holiday Traditions:

• View it as an opportunity to have 'fun' with your kids
• Everything doesn't have to have a purpose other than fun and happiness.

Birthdays:

The following are some ideas of things that can be done for birthdays....

• Red plate...put at their place for dinner.
• Chair back cover with pocket---sew like a pillow case (measure your chair first) add a pocket.  Mom puts it on the chair the night before.  Sometime during the day everyone puts a "love note" for the birthday person in the pocket.  When they open presents that night they read their "love notes"
• Pillowcase---birthday party fabric.  They get the pillowcase on their pillow for the whole week before their birthday.
• Tablecloth & Clown Center piece or "Party" center piece---put table cloth on table (fabric from JoAnns) add the Clown Center piece and you are ready to go.  The next morning they wake up to a "party"
• "Party at Grandma's" cloth banner.  It ties on the blinds for a sliding glass door.
• Birthday wreath goes on the door.  It is a straw wreath, use balloons without blowing them up and pieces of curly ribbon.  Use the floral staples to attach to wreath. Hang on front door for the day.
• They get to choose their own breakfast, their own activity, and their own dinner.
• No friend parties....It changes the focus to one of greed and from family to friends.  Be careful of the message you are sending to your children.
• Before they open the gift from that person they have to say something nice about the person giving the gift.  It again changes the focus from in to out.
• Tell them their "birthday" story.
• Birthday question & answer sheet...."my favorite color, song, food, teacher, etc)
• Husband buys flowers and gives to mom on child's birthday.  
• Wife buys mother or mother-in-law flowers to thank them for their spouses "birth"day

Valentine's Day

These are examples of some traditions for Valentine's Day.  Use it as a day to pull the family together

• The Monday before Valentine's day draw someones name and make a secret "love" poster.  Mom needs to have on hand lots of art supplies and paper.
• Draw names for "secret pal" of the week
• Write love letters to each of your children
• Make a heart pocket that hangs on their beds and every night for a week put a little thing in the pocket....note, candy kiss.
• Formal Valentine dinner as a family....candles, treat cups, fancy glasses & dishes, etc
• Valentine mail boxes for each child

Halloween

These are examples of some traditions for Halloween.

• Family Halloween party
• Trunk-or-treat
• Make treats and take them to the fire station and deliver them.
• Give each child $5 and take them to the dollar store to buy decorations for decorating their room.  Then have a tour of the bedrooms.
• Camp lantern in the middle of the floor, turn out the lights and sit around it telling 'a little scary stories'.  
• Halloween pillow cases on bed starting October 1st.  The night of Halloween they take them off and use them as their trick-or-treat bag.  When they are finished they come home get a ziploc sandwich bag pick out what will fit.  They leave the rest in their pillow cases on the porch for the Halloween witch.  She comes when they are in bed and leaves them a book and takes the candy.  You can then use the candy to stuff stockings at Christmas time.

Christmas Traditions:

These are some tradition ideas that can be done at Christmas time.

• "Forever Christmas Eve" wooden sign up all year in Sister Tanner's sewing room.
• She carries a notebook in her purse that have her kids and grandkids with their ages and sizes for next Christmas.  When she purchases something she writes down what it is and where she hid it.
• Christmas pillow cases
• Cutting your own Christmas tree
• Giving Christmas away to another family.
• Christmas Eve program---In 1995 in the middle of their Christmas Eve program some seminary kids came caroling.  Afterwards her son said that he was so grateful to be part of their family because the other kids were out caroling because their families didn't do anything for Christmas Eve.
• Kids line up Christmas Morning youngest to oldest to go out and open gifts.
• Christmas book (picture)---They drew names for each other.  Sometimes they made gifts for each other sometimes they bought them.  They also wrote a letter to them.  Christmas Eve right before bed they would sit around the tree and read the letters outloud.  Kept a binder of the letters to re-read later.

• Mr. Peeps....Elf that comes to your home on Thanksgiving night to keep a lookout for Santa on what the kids are doing right.  There is a poem that goes with it.   You move the elf every night.  The kids can't touch him or he loses his magic.  Christmas Eve he sits in the tree and Santa takes him home until the next Thanksgiving night.  You can use any elf you want.  Here is one website, but it looks like the pattern might be sold out.  You can do a search online and see if you can find the poem that goes with him as well.

• Thank you letters---you can play and use everything you get on Christmas Day, however on December 26th you can only play and use what you have written letters for.  You can't use any of the Santa gifts until you have all your thank you notes written.
• Someone asked...How do you introduce that if that has never been the case ever before?  Sister Tanner suggested..."Guess what we are going to do this year?"  Then focus on what they can do and what they are going to do.  It's all in your approach.  Be firm.  Sister Tanner wrote a master list of gifts as the kids opened them and posted it on the fridge.  They checked off the gifts as they wrote their notes.  
• Polar Express Christmas Eve...They met at one house and read the story of the Polar Express then each child was given a ticket to ride the Polar Express which was a Suburban with all the seats removed.  They rode in the back.  They drove around and the rest of the people followed in their cars.  They went to another house where they had the rooms sheeted off.  In one room they passed out parts of the Nativity story and read it.  That was the "spiritual" room.  In the "family" room they played games like pass the gingerbread man.  In the kitchen they had a caldron of hot chocolate and sugar cookies.  Then everyone opened their Christmas pajamas and watched the cartoon Grinch then went to their own homes.

You have to respect the family that you are creating.  You need to invite family and in-laws to join you in your traditions, but don't allow them to take over.  Be firm in love.  Set boundaries that include them, but don't let them dominate.  

Set tradition of family roots.  Tell them about their heritage, what it was like when you were growing up, genealogy sheets, family histories.  

Set a tradition of playing together....biking, backpacking, something you do together as a family.

As you put the mortar of traditions between the bricks your family will be eternal families not just mortal families.

Please share what traditions your family has or does in the comments so we can all get some more ideas.