Message from Sister Tanner 9-23-12

Thank you so much for your reverence in our class this last week.  It is so hard when there are so many of us.  This last week was wonderful!!  Thank you.  

Just a reminder, please use the side chapel door to drop your little ones off at the nursery so they do not have to go through the Institute lobby.  President Cobb told me that the statue of the Christ is on loan to the institute and it is very important that we do not let our children climb on the base or touch it.  I promised him that I would pass along the information.  

Thank you so much for coming and sharing in the class.  

Please come with good ideas on "Traditions" for this next week.  It is wonderful to have each of you in class.  

Sister Tanner

House of Order (Follow Up)

As you read the talk get a hard copy and make a to-do list. "Courageous Parenting"  Elder Lawrence. 

Class member shared:  Super organized Mom. Last 6 months majorly slipping. Summer was chaos. Sh decided that they have to get this together.  All of August super depressed and overwhelmed.  This week pulled it together and created more of a peaceful environment.  Much more peaceful.  Started FHE. 

 

Class Member Shared: Her life is fitting in what I she can fit in.  She has lots of goals and couldn't get them done.  She created schedule and now she can schedule those goals in.

Class Member Shared: She is not an organized Mom.  Life and house has been chaotic for a long time.  Husband was called to be a bishop 2 months ago, school, sports, yelling went up and chaos went up.  She has to look at only doing one thing or she's too overwhelmed.  Right after school when kids get home is when the chaos is the worst.  This week she had snack ready before they got home.  They sat around the table to eat together, homework, dinner started, sports stuff ready.  It made a huge difference.

Class Member Shared: She has been putting off getting up before kids for a long time.  This week she started getting up at 5:40 and exercising and reading scriptures before kids.  It's been a good week.

Class Member Shared: Wanted to piggy back off what previous member said. She started getting up 15-20 minutes earlier.  Helped a HUGE amount.  She was able to read a couple of verses and be dressed before kids got up.

This class is not about becoming perfect Mother's.  It's about changing percentages.  If you didn't do it every day...not important.  Don't beat yourself up if you can't do 100%.  As you work with it you will get better.

If you will pick up 2 things to retain your 10 weeks will be successful.  You can't do everything she teaches in 10 weeks.  Reviewing and giving credit for what you have already done.  Pick up something new each week to just try.   Pick something to focus on for the duration. It's not possible to do everything, but pick something.  Change % and be better off than you were before.  Baby steps to the Celestial Kingdom.

Creating a House of Order (Class #1--Fall 2012)

• Parenting like Godhood takes self-control.  It's hard. 
• There is security when your children know what is going to happen.  It comes from knowing what to expect.
• Some kids have very unordered homes.  Some do jobs in the morning.  Some wait.  Some just react to their day.  
• They don't think they have to follow through.
• Our children need order in their lives.  There is order in the kingdom of God. 
• When you read scriptures they are in lists. 

 Doctrine & Covenants 88:124 Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.

• Cease to be idle--what do you do with your time?
• Cease to be unclean--physically, spiritually, mentally?  
• Cease to find fault one with another---are we always finding fault with our children?  We assume they know what to do by telling them what not to do.
• Cease to sleep longer than is needful--what time did you go to bed?
• Retire to thy bed early....followed by a promise....that you may not be weary---If you go to bed earlier you won't be weary in the morning.
• Arise early....followed by a promise....that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated---If you arise early your thinking will be clearer.

• You need to be up and dressed and ready to greet your children when they get up.  If you are already going they can respect and do what you ask.
• Order is to guide your family not to beat yourself up over.  Can you break the order once in awhile?  Yes. 
• If you children know that this is what you do then it will wipe out arguments for later.  You have to create the routine for them.

PRINCIPLE:  Establish order
Doctrine & Covenants 88:119  Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God

• Organize yourselves---you need to get the vision of what you want.
• Prepare every needful thing---do a Family Home Evening and teach them what you want them to do.  Help them get the vision.
• Establish a house---Do it!  

"Sometimes Sister Bednar and I wondered if our efforts to do these spiritually essential things were worthwhile. Now and then verses of scripture were read amid outbursts such as “He’s touching me!” “Make him stop looking at me!” “Mom, he’s breathing my air!” Sincere prayers occasionally were interrupted with giggling and poking. And with active, rambunctious boys, family home evening lessons did not always produce high levels of edification. At times Sister Bednar and I were exasperated because the righteous habits we worked so hard to foster did not seem to yield immediately the spiritual results we wanted and expected.

Today if you could ask our adult sons what they remember about family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening, I believe I know how they would answer. They likely would not identify a particular prayer or a specific instance of scripture study or an especially meaningful family home evening lesson as the defining moment in their spiritual development. What they would say they remember is that as a family we were consistent."  "More Diligent and Concerned at Home" by David A Bednar

Start by Creating:

• House of Prayer---morning, noon, night, meals, personal, couple prayer.  Prayer first because you are bringing the Spirit it.  A car doesn't go without gas.  Prayer is the gas.
• House of Fasting---for strength in the family.
• House of Faith---God will help you.  He will give you the power to do it.  You hope that your children will hear you.  Love will increase.  Humility allows them to be teachable

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior.  The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel."  "Little Children" by Boyd K. Packer

Homework #2:  Look at the order in your home.  Decide how you can improve.

PRINCIPLE: To have the Spirit in your home you have to have order in your home.
PRACTICE:  (Ideas)

• Kids up by 7am
• You get up early enough to be dressed and ready to go (she was up by 5:30am)
• Read scriptures
• Get dressed, beds made, rooms straightened up
• Breakfast
• Practice piano
• Establish dinner time!  (As often as possible).  If you husband comes home at random times what do you do?  Elder Packer's wife had dinner when the children got home from school.  They were hungry anyway.  Then when Elder Packer got home form work they sat around the table and talked while he ate.  It is a time to learn to bond.  No Ipod, No music, No TV, No rushing to eat, No put does.  Ask questions and share ideas.  Teach table manners.  It should be a pleasant time. 

"Besides showing youth the way by example, we lead them by understanding their hearts and walking alongside them on the gospel path. To truly understand their hearts, we must do more than just be in the same room or attend the same family and Church activities. We must plan and take advantage of teaching moments that make a deep and lasting impression upon their minds and hearts.

Similarly, mothers and fathers, as you drive or walk children to school or their various activities, do you use the time to talk with them about their hopes and dreams and fears and joys? Do you take the time to have them take the earplugs from their MP3 players and all the other devices so that they can hear you and feel of your love? The more I live, the more I recognize that the teaching moments in my youth, especially those provided by my parents, have shaped my life and made me who I am.

It is impossible to overestimate the influence of parents who understand the hearts of their children. Research shows that during the most important transitions of life—including those periods when youth are most likely to drift away from the Church—the greatest influence does not come from an interview with the bishop or some other leader but from the regular, warm, friendly, caring interaction with parents.

With that in mind, when we sit down at the dinner table, is our whole family there? I remember as a young man asking permission to play baseball through dinnertime. “Just put my meal in the oven,” I said to my mother. She responded, “Robert, I really want you to take a break, come home, be with the family for dinner, and then you can go out and play baseball until dark.” She taught all of us that where family meals are concerned, it’s not the food but the family interaction that nourishes the soul. My mother taught that the greatest love we give is within our homes."  "Our Duty To God" by Robert D. Hales

• We are losing important teaching moments.
• There will be seasons of sports and some exceptions.  
• We don't need children in activities all the time.  Don't give away your precious time with them to a coach who only cares about winning.
• If it is taking you away from home you need to re-evaluate
• It is the "family" time
• Society teaches to be good parents we have to "get rid of our kids" in preschool, sports, school, any activity
• Bring your family home.  You can't teach them if they are not there. 
• The ultimate "team" is the family.
• Primary doctrine of the church is FAMILY and all around creating celestial families.
• The difference between exaltation vs. the other degrees of the Celestial Kingdom is family.
• Your children's favorite people should be their siblings.

Daily Order

• bedtime routines
• evening hours---not private electronic corner.  Texting friends while with family is bonding with friends not family.
• You need to set the example of teaching them to use electronics respectfully.

Rights of Passage

• Only a few.  They need to be in concrete! 
• The Lord has 8 years old (baptism).  12 years old (priesthood).  They can do those things after that age, but not before.  
• If you bend the rules it negates those rites.
• PRACTICES:  Age naps stop (1st grade).  If you have a 6 yr old and a 5 yr old don't allow the 5 yr old to stay up to play with the 6 yr old just to buy peace in your home.  It defeats the purpose of allowing them to feel "grown up".  
• PRACTICE:  Age for makeup (Jr high or 8th grade)
• PRACTICE:  Conference session with the boys (turn 12)
• PRACTICE:  Conference session with the girls (turn 12)
• PRACTICE:  Ears pierced (age 15)
• PRACTICE:  Dating (age 16)
• PRACTICE:  # of nights out per week

Once In a Lifetime Events:

• Baptism
• Weddings
• Graduation
• Mission calls

Do something for them to look at ways they are growing up.

HOMEWORK #3:  Read Conference Talk "Courageous Parenting" by Larry R. Lawrence and decide what you can do.

"President Monson recently said, “Sometimes we are too quick to judge the effect of our successes and failures.” May I add, don’t look at today’s trials as eternal. Heavenly Father does His work in the long term. “There is much which lieth in futurity,” the Prophet Joseph Smith said. “Therefore, … let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed”  "Our Duty to God" by Robert D. Hales

He loves your children more than you do.

HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS: 

Homework #1:  Create a Ponder Pad.  Write down anything that comes to your mind.  You may not ponder it yet.  Make a note and set a day to go back to it.  Those are ideas given to you individually.  Some things you will just cross off.  Others will stand out.  Do them immediately.  Then you will receive more personal revelation.
Homework #2:  Look at the order in your home.  Decide how you can improve.
HOMEWORK #3:  Read Conference Talk "Courageous Parenting" by Larry R. Lawrence and decide what you can do.

NEXT WEEK'S CLASS.....

"Teaching Your Children to Feel The Spirit"

Introduction in Parenting Class (Fall 2012)

• As you become different your children react different.
• The change is usually because of something you do.
• The even years are rough when children are young (ages 2-4-6-8-10) and the odd years are rough when children are older (ages 11-13-15-17)
• If you stand firm it gives your children a sense of security.
• How often does Heavenly Father change?  If you complain about paying 10% tithing he won't change it to 9% for you just because 10% is too hard.
• Use order to put "play time" in your routine.
• Class member stated, "I want to parent different than I was parented."
• What your children are growing up in and what you grew up in are completely different.  You cannot parent the way you were parented and expect the same results.  You have to change to accommodate what is going on in the world.  
• Sister Tanner is going to teach "principles".  They are always right.  They never change.  She will offer suggestions of "practices".  That is 'how' you do something.  Those can change based on your children's ages or environment or any reason.
• Our parenting is like a pendulum....sometimes when you don't know what else to do you withdraw and do nothing.  Then your children do nothing.  Then you change and become military "You will do what I say when I say it."  They say, "I hate you!"  You give in again to buy their love.  They become rotten and spoiled.
• Sister Tanner's goal #1:  To teach you to live by the Spirit.  You don't need her to teach you.  You just need the Holy Ghost to teach your family.
• Sister Tanner's goal #2:  To teach you to love being a parent.  Enjoy every moment now so that you have no regrets.
• Sister Tanner has been teaching this class for 22 years.  She was raised in a military home.  She has a blue personality.  Blues desire to do what is right.  She was the ideal child.  She carried a lot of baggage.  She was obedient, but missed out on loving and independent thinking.  Forgive your parents.  Your children will need to forgive your parenting one day as well.  She decided she couldn't parent like she was and she had to learn different tools.  Her #1 textbook is the current Ensign.  The Lord blessed her with and understanding and she began to teach the things she was learning.
• The Lord will use her to teach us the things we need. 

Homework #1:  Create a Ponder Pad.  Write down anything that comes to your mind.  You may not ponder it yet.  Make a note and set a day to go back to it.  Those are ideas given to you individually.  Some things you will just cross off.  Others will stand out.  Do them immediately.  Then you will receive more personal revelation.

• We pray with real intent.  We say, "Bless Johnny to be more receptive.  Soften his heart."  When we are praying we are praying with real intent.  Then we get up and do the same thing we have done every day and expect things to be different.  We are praying the Lord a "to-do" list.  We want him to do it for us.  We need to pray for the Lord to show us what to do to change myself and to help them feel more loved.

Sister Tanner's promise:  If you will do the homework and keep a ponder pad you will be a different person in 10 weeks if you choose to do the work.

Sister Tanner had 10 children in 12 years...no double births.  In the beginning she dealt with infertility.  Her first baby died of crib death.  She knows those burdens.  She has a husband that was inactive and active in the church.  She has 33 grandchildren. 

One memory that stands out is sitting behind 6 of her kids on a Saturday night.  The kids were in their pajamas sitting there in a semicircle watching TV.  The Spirit put his arms around her and told her, "In all eternity you will never have this experience again."  In that moment she realized that those spirits won't crawl on her lap again or come to her hurting or as their care taker.  She needed to teach them to go to Heavenly Father.

Treasure the moment.  Treasure the here and now.  Find joy in it!

Notices....

Here are a few updates/notices about class.

1.  We love your babies!  However, there were 150+ people attending class this last week.  Noisy babies/children make it very difficult to hear.  We ask that you please either take your child out when they are noisy (not just crying) so others can hear or find a friend that could watch them during that 2 hours of class.  There are several of us with young children (under a year old) that are all in the same boat.  Please help us keep the spirit in class and show respect for the time and preparation Sister Tanner puts into her messages for us.

One suggestion last year was that someone bring a baby monitor and put the transmitter in the class to pick up Sister Tanner talking and finding another room that we could put the receiver in so that you could have your small children in the other room with the door closed to minimize the noise.  We don't know if there is another room available to us, but we can check this next week if someone wants to bring their baby monitor.

2.  I take notes in Sister Tanner's class for myself and my family.  My family situation is different than yours and I will hear things differently than you will.  I encourage you to take notes on your own.  I will try to get my notes posted to the blog as soon as I can, but I have an extremely limited amount of time.  Please bear with me and I will get to them as soon as I can fit them in.  There may be weeks that I don't get them posted. 


3.  If you have not registered for class you can do that at the beginning of class for the next several weeks.  Please arrive early or plan on staying later to sign up.

4.  Please be in your seats by 9:20am so we can begin promptly at 9:30am.  We need to be respectful of Sister Tanner's time.

5.  I will be adding a "page" on the left hand side that says "Questions & Answers".  If you have a question that you would like Sister Tanner to answer please post it in a comment on that page or email it to me and I will get it to her.  She is incredibly busy too and will answer the questions as she is able to.

6.  I will not be sending out reminders via email very often.  You will either need to check the blog on your own or you can "Join this site" (button on the right) and add your email.  The blog will automatically email you when there is a new post. 

Thank you for your understanding. 

Reminder: Parenting class starts this week + message from Sister Tanner

Just a quick reminder that Parenting Class begins this week.  You can see the information for the class here .  Sister Tanner also sent this message.....

It is amazing that summer is already over.  I can almost feel a little fall coolness to the air at night and I have already been to several high school foot ball games.  I love the fall and the energy of a new beginning of school.  It is time to get children back on schedules and ourselves too.  I am excited to get back to class and share trials and successes of the summer. 

The first week we are going to talk about how we can get our lives back in order so we can find peace in our homes.  As parents we are responsible to create an environment where learning can take place and the Spirit can be felt.  Too often we get caught up in the busyness of the day and simply react to the demands of our families.  We need to learn that it is possible to take control and create a place of  happiness and peace.  We just have to learn how to do it.  There are a few tools that I want to share with you to help you. 

I am so excited to be starting class again.  Hope to see you on Thursday! 

Sister Tanner

Welcome Summer!

Welcome Summer!

We have been into summer only a couple of weeks and it already feels a bit crazy.  We have added six baby chicks to our family in the past month and it has been exciting to watch them grow.  We have taken a trip to Blackfoot to see our son and our daughter came here for a visit.  Our Pathway mission is keeping us busy and we love it.  Our son Cory and his little family are living with us for a time and that has been such a blessing.  Life is great!

My son Tyler, whom we visited in Blackfoot has five wonderful little children.  It was interesting to see how they are already "bored" with the summer vacation.  They are wondering what to do.  I am sure that some of you are experiencing the same situation.  I wanted to share a few thoughts about summer and how to make it fun for the children as well as mom! 

Just a couple of weeks ago the children were in school and all their time was scheduled for them.  They went to school and were told what to do.  They find security in knowing what is expected each day.  Now with order is gone, they are a bit lost.  To help your summer run better I would suggest you sit down in a family home evening and make a schedule.  This should include a schedule for daily routine as well as when a summer vacation may be or when some in-city fun activities can be planned.  Children will be happier if they still go to bed at a reasonable time, get up early and get into the plan for the day. 

When my children were young I tried to keep the morning pretty structured and the afternoon became their free time.  We would plan a once a week outing that may be to the park, the library, the discovery center, a hike or bike ride on the green belt.  I also tried to have time to teach them things that may turn into hobbies for them.  Computer time, TV time, any type of electronic time needs to be limited and is an earned privilege for good behavior and attitude, not a "right" that comes just because it is summer. 

It seems that during the school year, our lives are so busy that we often do not have time for real family bonding.  Summer can be a great time for family projects.  Not all free time should be spent with friends. 

An idea of a summer schedule could be:

7:30 Get up
8:00 Come to scriptures dressed
Scriptures and family prayer
Breakfast
Exercise time (just in home aerobic fun)
Jobs
Lunch
Quiet time--reading
Activity time
Free time
Dinner
After dinner activities
Family prayer
Bed

The schedule is to guide your day, it is not to rule your day.  Once a week I would schedule a "field trip" experience in the afternoon.  Look at your goals for the summer.  Think about what you want to teach your children this summer.  This is such precious time to teach them things you do not have time to teach during the school year.

Next week I will post ideas of what to have them do during job time.  This needs to be more than a 15 minute pick up of a bedroom.  This needs to be a time to teach them to do hard things. 

I loved the summer time with my children.  I loved having them with me so I could influence them for good.  I loved having them around me so I could help them know I loved them.  These are such precious moments.  Hope you have fun planning!

Post in the comments what your summer schedule looks like for your family.  Also.....What is your biggest struggle during the summer?

Sister Tanner