Class #9-Manners & Gratitude

Manners

• We live in a crude, rude, undisciplined society.  There is no respect for appearance, people, and positions of authority.
• "Although the world has changed, the laws of God remain constant. They have not changed; they will not change. The Ten Commandments are just that—commandments. They are not suggestions. They are every bit as requisite today as they were when God gave them to the children of Israel"  Thomas S. Monson  New Era November 2011
• We are losing every sense of value
• One lady at work had found pornography on her husband's cell phone.  The other ladies said, "Men just do that."  That's the world's reaction to things now.
• Kids dress with their pants falling off, immodest dress, and horrible language.
• Look at ward dinners....who eats first?  Kids, who overfill their plates and then they play hide-n-seek while the adults are eating whatever is left over.
• There is a lack of respect for personal property.  Kids say, "I'm just borrowing it, I'm not stealing it."
• Children need to be taught what the expectation is.  They don't know and there is no where in the world they will be taught it.
• This started in the 60's with the liberated movement.  The focus from that time on is comfort and ease.
• As life has become faster and easy we lose manners and respect. 

Principle:  We need to teach respect & manners.  It is the core of reverence.
Practices:  Things we need to teach our children...

1.  Do not allow your children to call adults by their first name....

• Margaret S. Lifferth "Respect & Reverence"  April 2009 General Conference  "My stake president has been a dear friend for over 30 years, and as friends, we have always called each other by our first names. But because he serves in a calling of priesthood leadership—in public and certainly in a Church setting—I make a conscious effort to refer to him as President Porter. Teaching our children and youth that it is appropriate to address our leaders as president, bishop, brother, and sister encourages respect and reverence. It also teaches the truth that leaders are called of God and have been given sacred responsibilities.
• What if you are a Young Women's leader and say, "I don't want to be called 'sister' it makes me feel old."  Tough!  You are their leader.  They need to show you respect.
• What if your daughter's Young Women leaders insist on being called by their first name?  When all 3 parties are present say to the leader, "I know you would like her to call you by your first name, but in our home we want them calling you 'Sister_______' as a sign of respect."
• Don't allow someone else to parent your children
• What if it is someone outside the church?  What title do you use then?  Mr. & Mrs.
• Aunts & Uncles/Nursery Leaders/Preschool teachers....Ms. Tracy, Always need to use a title of respect to precede the name.

2.  Leaders of the Church

• Should always use "Elder or President Packer, Monson, Scott, etc."
• Preface their name with a title and it shows respect for the office.

3.  Hold children to higher level of standard.


4.  Teach children how to answer a phone and take a message.

• Have a family home evening on this.

5. Teach them how to shake hands.

• When home teachers come to your home they should....stand, shake hands, listen to the lesson, stand, shake hands when they leave.
• Don't allow them to crawl all over the home teachers during the lesson.  They can give them hugs before and after.
• By the time they are 2 they need to learn to sit.
• In FHE time they need to learn to sit for small amounts of time.
• We need to teach our HT & VT how to teach our family.

6.  Priesthood is the Lord's errand.

• Need to be dressed in a white shirt & tie to give blessings, pass the sacrament, collect fast offerings, anything that deals in a priesthood errand.

7.  Table Manners

• We have fast foods.  We eat on the run or we have picky eaters. 
• One family uses "Manners on/Manners off".  When they say "Manners on" they have to talk in a British accent, use good manners, be polite.  When they say "Manners off" they have to use really bad manners.  They practice at regular meals.  Then when they have guests the parents say, "Manners on for real".  The kids get the point.
• Teach them then give them the opportunity to use them.
• Invite company in.
• The way Sister Tanner learned manners...if you chewed with your mouth open her Dad reached across the table and held your lips closed.  If you reached for things, you got poked with a fork.  She doesn't recommend that method.
• Be consistent.
• Use please pass... and thank you.
• Chew with your mouth closed.
• Children not allowed to say, "I hate (food)."  They still have to take a "thank-you" bite.  It is one bite that says no thank-you I wouldn't like any more.  If they don't dish it then  the parent gets to decide how much they have.

8.  Teach children you are not their slave.

• Some families have "leaverights"....Leave 'er right here and leave 'er right there.  :)

9.  Polite language

• Please & thank you
• No name calling or labels

10.  Teach children date etiquette

• Boys open the doors.  Girls let them.
• Teach your girls not to "attack" the boys.  They need to be more lady-like/feminine.

11.  Teach children (and yourselves) to RSVP.


12.  Write thank you letters.


13.  Cell Phones

• They have a place and a purpose.  They don't have a place or a purpose at church, in sacrament meetings, in YM/YW activities, or on scout trips.
• Youth need to learn to be unplugged.
• If your kids are texting their friends in the family room then they are inviting all their friends into your family time.
• Cell phones should never ring in class ever.
• If YM/YW bring their phones to class give them one chance then next time have them leave them in a basket on the table by the door.  They can pick them up on the way out the door from the activity.

GRATITUDE:

• This is the foundation of all other gifts.  This is where all gifts begin.  This will change your life if you let it. 
• Cicero (in Rome) said, "Gratitude is not the greatest of virtues, but is the parent of all virtues."
• Flows out of a heart of gratitude. 
• To build humility, faith, hope, or any other virtue it has to start with gratitude.
• We say we are thankful.  Making a list of thank yous doesn't make you grateful.
• We want to get past the list of thank yous to build character.
• Gratitude is not a suggestion it is a commandment.
• D&C 59:7   "Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things."
• D&C 59:21  " And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments."
• Alma 34:38  "That ye contend no more against the Holy Ghost, but that ye receive it, and take upon you the name of Christ; that ye humble yourselves even to the dust, and worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you."
• Doctrine & Covenants 59 was given when the Saints were in Winter Quarters.  They have been chased out of Nauvoo & crossed the river.  Disease was everywhere.  Babies were delivered in the mud.  They were feeling wretched.  The Lord told them to "give thanks in all things.  If they weren't joyful, then they should pray until they were joyful then sing & dance and give praise & joy."
• What was there to give thanks for?  Why would he tell them to do that?  Gratitude gives peace & heals a broken heart.

Gratitude for the Goodness of God  by Robert D. Hales  Ensign May 1992
"Gratitude expressed to our Heavenly Father in prayer for what we have brings a calming peace—a peace which allows us to not canker our souls for what we don’t have. Gratitude brings a peace that helps us overcome the pain of adversity and failure. Gratitude on a daily basis means we express appreciation for what we have now without qualification for what we had in the past or desire in the future. A recognition of and appreciation for our gifts and talents which have been given also allows us to acknowledge the need for help and assistance from the gifts and talents possessed by others."

• When we are filled with gratitude (or our children are filled with gratitude) we lose the rebellion. 
• We don't teach our children to be grateful when we give them things.
• Withholding stuff and involving our children in hard service gives them a sense of gratitude:  You need to be an example.  We need to develop a core of gratitude and then live it.  It's more than saying thank you.  That gratitude starts in the head and then moves to the heart. 
• Example:  Start a paper chain from now until Christmas and write down something that you are thankful for on each link.  Then take it off each night and talk about that thing you are grateful for and why.  It keeps their minds off "me".
• Example:  When Nathan got home from his mission to Brazil he didn't want a lot of people at the airport to meet him.  He just wanted to slip home from his mission.  He wanted to attend the temple.  So they went through a session and then waited outside for Nathan and he didn't come and didn't come and didn't come for about 45 minutes they waited.  Sister Tanner assumed that he had run into someone he knew and was chatting.  Finally she sent Brother Tanner back in looking for him.  When they came out Nathan just had tears in his eyes and apologized for making them wait for him.  He had been standing in the bathroom with his hands under hot running water.  He hadn't seen that or experienced that for 2 years.  Even when they went to the grocery store he was so amazed at all the food.  It took the 2 years of being without that made him appreciate the small things we take for granted. 
• Example:  Have a "blackout" night.  No electronics or electricity.  Cook with out it, eat without it, and just have a fun night. 
• Example:  Sister Tanner's Dad would purchase 1# boxes of chocolates and take them to the bank teller and the laundry where his shirts were done.  His daughter asked him one time, "Isn't this a little much?"  Dad answered and said, "This in not strange.  Remember this day.  When anyone gives you service you need to express appreciation."
• Gratitude comes form giving thanks.

Henry B. Eyring "O Remember, Remember" Ensign October 2007

• This begins in the head and takes it to the heart.
• Write down the tender mercies you see in your life and encourage your children to do the same.

Elder Stephen West "Small Experiences"  Ensign February 2004 
"A third experience occurred while we were touring the Jamaica Kingston Mission in 2000. As we drove through a slum in Kingston, I saw graffiti written in large white brush strokes on a brick wall of a decrepit building. The message read, “Blessed are those who can give without remembering and those who can receive without forgetting.”

• This means no keeping score, especially with your spouse

"

A fourth experience happened in 1957 in Portland, Oregon, where I served as a young missionary in the Northwestern States Mission. Several of us were walking from the mission home to the mission office a few blocks away. As we walked, a car stopped abruptly, and a man jumped out and ran toward us asking, “Are you preaching the gospel of Brigham?” We started to reply, “We are missionaries from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,” when he handed us $9.00 and a box of saltwater taffy. Before we could give him back the money, he ran back to his car and drove away. We thought the experience was very unusual.

Some months later in a multizone conference, a missionary told about an experience he and his companion had while waiting at a bus stop. A man stopped his car, jumped out, and gave them $7.00 and a box of peanut brittle, then drove off. Another missionary related a similar experience while tracting in a suburb of Portland, this time with $14.00 and a box of chocolate mints. The pattern continued as one missionary after another told similar stories, each involving various amounts of money and different types of candy; in all instances, the man left before much discussion could ensue.

Finally, a missionary stood and told how he and his companion happened to know this man. As the elders were preparing to enter a bus station, a man, seeing they were missionaries for the Church, asked where they were going and if they needed a ride. Those being simpler and safer days, the missionaries accepted the offer and rode with him south through Oregon. During the course of that ride, their newfound friend gave them some money and candy, then told them this story:

In 1932 he had been young and unemployed because of the Depression. While crossing the United States as a vagrant looking for work, he ventured to a town in the northern part of the Great Plains. Since it was Christmas Eve and he had no place to stay, he decided to crawl under a bridge to spend the night out of the snow. He found there were two people already there—two young men in coats and ties and white shirts with some packages on their laps. They were LDS missionaries who had just been to the post office to pick up Christmas packages sent to them by their families. Being too excited to wait until they arrived home, they had decided to get out of the snow and see what their families had sent.

The missionaries invited the vagrant to join them under the bridge as they opened their packages. One of the missionaries received cookies and hand-knit gloves. The other received brownies, homemade candy, and a hand-knit scarf. As they sat under the bridge, they shared their treats with this man and then sang Christmas carols together. When the elders were ready to leave, they asked the man if he had a place to sleep. He told them he was used to staying outdoors and would be all right. They then said, “If you are going to stay here, you should take our cookies and brownies to eat as well as the scarf and gloves to keep you warm.” He protested, but they persisted, so he happily accepted the cookies, brownies, scarf, and gloves. The missionaries then left to go to their lodgings.

The man told the two missionaries he was giving a ride to in 1957 that he had never forgotten that experience and had resolved to never pass LDS missionaries without giving them whatever cash he had in his pocket. And inasmuch as he was at that time a wholesale candy salesman, he could also share samples of his wares. He told the missionaries he had been doing this for years and years. When they asked if he was a member of the Church, he said he was not because his wife objected to it. But he added that if she ever consented, he would be most interested in joining. For 25 years, he had been sharing with our missionaries. Who knows how long thereafter he continued to do the same."

HOMEWORK:

Write down 3 things you are thankful for.  To give requires action.  For these things you are thankful for you need to do something.

• EXAMPLE: If you are thankful for food....Invite someone else to dinner, donate food to a food bank, sort food @ the Idaho food bank.
• EXAMPLE:  If you are thankful for your home....Keep it cleaner, invite others in, FHE lesson with another family.
• EXAMPLE:  If you are thankful for your family....Make a commitment to validate them more and write notes about specific reasons why you are thankful they are in your family.
• EXAMPLE:  If you are thankful for the gospel...Read your scriptures more, Study the life of Christ before Christmas.
• This is doing more than saying "thank you".  "Thanks-giving" requires you to "give" something because of what you are thankful for.

This is a story Sister Tanner was going to use, but then ran out of time.  DANCING IN THE RAIN

Class #8-Service (Follow Up)

• One lady in our class told this story....Her older daughter saw a nightgown and wanted it.  Mom wouldn't buy it.  The other daughter went to the Mom and said she wanted to buy it for her sister for her birthday.  It was a ridiculous price.  She tried to talk her daughter out of it.  She bought it anyway and gave it to her for her birthday.  Sister Tanner suggested that to finish learning the lesson she needed to provide opportunities for her daughter to earn the money she needed to restock what she had spent on the birthday gift to buy future Christmas gifts rather than that parents just giving her the Christmas money because they were proud of how unselfish and giving she had been.
• Life is full of windows.  This is a one time shot.  You will never have this opportunity to influence these people in the same way ever again.
• It takes courage to get our of our circle and give
• Read "A Heart Like His" by Virginia Pearce
• "Welcome the inconvenience brought on by another's need"
• Our children need to see us as real people.  We need to share 'some' experiences about when we weren't perfect.  Don't share so many that you lose credibility as a parent.
• If your child says, "You are always yelling at me."  Maybe you could say, "I'm sorry I didn't realize you felt like I was yelling so much.  I will try to use a softer voice to talk to you."

A Couple of Decisions....

In class on Tuesday we had a discussion about "making up" the missed Tuesday morning class.  It was decided that we would add one more class on November 22, 2011 for a total of 10 classes this semester.  The Thursday night class will be finished on Thursday November 17, 2011.

November 15, 2011 class will be "Gratitude & Manners"
November 22, 2011 class will be "Marriage-Love Languages"

Class #8-Service

James McArthur was Mike Tanner’s mission companion and now teaches at BYU.  He was teaching at education week.  He grew up in a harsh dysfunctional family.  One day he had a prompting to go visit a lady.  She was in need and he was an answer to prayer.  He said, “I reached a point where I could turn my life over to God.”  Before you can turn life over to God you have to have your own life.

What does it look like to go from where I am not to turning my life over to God?  What does it mean to own your own life?  If you don’t own it who does?

When you say I wish I was more kind, more patient, had more charity, you are trying to improve yourself in the negative you can’t take hold of it and change.

Where is your spirituality or your capacity to say, “I can turn my life over to God?”

Matthew 20:28 Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.

Think about Frances Monson on Christmas day when President Monson delivered 85 turkeys to widows.  What was her attitude?  What would ours have been?

The Savior never turned away someone sick or afflicted and he blessed the children one by one.

It’s not just doing the act, but it’s a condition of the heart.

It is a development/journey into charity.  “I can turn over my life” because your goal is to serve.

“Charity is an act, it is the condition of the heart.”

You can do good things and not have charity.

When the service is accompanied by taking your personal temperature you aren’t in charity.

Vision of Service by Elder V. Dallas Merrell  December 1996 Ensign

“Charity is not just works or gift giving but a condition of the soul, a quality of our character.  The gift of charity flows from God as he reveals His love for us and from our reciprocating feeling love of God, His work, & His children.”

What do we learn from this quote….

1. Charity is not just doing an act of service
2. It is a condition of the soul or character.
1. If you have a condition of the heart it is to serve, but you can serve without your heart being in it and it won’t develop charity.
3. Gift of charity flows from God
1. It has to be given
2. You have to ask for it.
3. D&C 46  “Pray for all the best gifts”
4. In the process of gifts the reason why we do the acts changes.
4. In receiving that gift you come to understand how much God has given us.  Then turn and serve God’s children because we feel that love.

You can have charity in some things but not be charitable.

It isn’t your character yet.  Eventually over time service changes your character.

How do  you have a spiritual report card to check where you are in service?

• Personal Prayers
• Personal Scripture Study
• How you keep the Sabbath Day holy

Those are a good indication of where you are right now.

When we pull away from the Lord in our busyness our prayers and intensity diminish.

The more often we check those 3 things (prayer, scripture, Sabbath day), the more often we can change

Women tend towards depression and discouragement.  If we evaluate and repent or turn around on the things  you need to fix you will come out of that pit of depression no matter what the reason.

What have I don’t of value in the Lord’s kingdom?  What have I done for the Lord in my life?

The Dash Poem

by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak

At the funeral of a friend

He referred to the dates on her tombstone

From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came the date of her birth

And spoke the following date with tears,

But he said what mattered most of all

Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time

That she spent alive on earth.

And now only those who loved her

Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;

The cars, the house, the cash,

What matters is how we live and love

And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.

Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left,

That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough

To consider what’s true and real

And always try to understand

The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,

And show appreciation more

And love the people in our lives

Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,

And more often wear a smile

Remembering that this special dash

Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read

With your life’s actions to rehash

Would you be proud of the things they say

About how you spent your dash?

©1996 Linda Ellis

It took Sister Tanner about 5 years to put together the Service Continuum.

The core to do something to become Christlike is in service.  How does that translate into my life?

He is perfect.  Though that is my goal it’s defeating.  I need it broken down into steps.

Jesus gave 2 great commandments---“Love God” and “Love your neighbor as yourself”.  We can increase our spirituality by obeying those 2 commandments. 

Most of our love is toward ourselves (natural man).  We have to learn to love enough to take our minds off us. 

Service is a condition of the heart no time management.

Evaluate yourself.  You can be in different levels on the Service Continuum in the different roles in your life (Relief Society Calling, Visiting Teacher, Mom, Spouse, Daughter, Sister, Friend)

Identify where you are and then take the very next step to move up on the Service Continuum.  You can’t move directly to the goal.  There is a process you have to go through.

 

1.     I won’t/I can’t

·       Example:  The Bishop says you need to have family home evening every Monday night.  You go home and say, “I can’t do that, my husband works…I have ornery kids”

·       This is a justification for why you can’t do it.

·       It’s an attitude

·       Rationalization

·       Only focused on self & how it affects them.

·       I can’t do it because of you or something else (blame)

·       Lives with a lot of offense.

·       Carry hurts, focus on those.

·       Most of us go here occasionally

·       You are the “victim”

·       You feel like you are powerless.  It’s in how you think. 

·       The goal is simply to move to the next step.

·       Example:  There was a Relief Society lesson on charity.  A sister was making profound contributions to the lesson.  When it came to a close the Relief Society president said, we have an opportunity in our ward to serve.  There is a non-member in our ward with a 6 week old baby.  She had an aneurysm.  Her prognosis is good in the long run, but right now she is in the hospital and her husband has to work.  We need someone to take the baby and take care of it.  They just moved to Boise and have no friends and no family here. The Sister that was making those great comments toward the lesson said, “I just don’t see how they can ask us to do this.  She isn’t even a member of the ward.”  Sister Tanner took the baby home for 2 months and raised her along with her own 6 little kids she already had at home.

·       This is verbally expressing the testimony, but it still comes down to the act.

2.     I have to/I need to

·       You say “I need to” but you really don’t to it.

·       This is Laman & Lemuel.  They went but they whined the whole way.

·       This is better than the one that won’t do it.

·       Many of us live here.

·       I’ll accept the calling and come to do it, but grumble the whole time.

·       I’ll do it but there is emotional repercussions to everyone around me from it.  Silent treatment and withdrawal of affection are an adult temper tantrum.

·       Example:  Marilee (Sister Tanner’s sister) was teaching a primary class of age 7 kids.  She had Hinckley bucks.  They earned them for prayer, reading scriptures, memorizing scriptures.  Some of it they did in class and some of it they did on their own.  There were some over achievers and some under achievers that only earned exactly what they did in class together.  She made sure each child had enough to buy some dollar store trinkets at a year-end party.  A mother called and asked, “How many Hinckley bucks did some of the kids have?”  Marilee said they all have what they earned.  The mother said, “That’s not fair.  It will hurt my daughters self esteem if someone has more than she does.”  All the children had the same opportunity, but they wanted the reward without the work.

·       This is typical of the “I have to” but they want the greatest reward in the end. 

·       These are the people that say, “I need to call ____.” “I need to do my visiting teaching early.”  “I need to read my scripture.”  They say the things, but never really intend to do them.

3.     I will

·       I will teach the class

·       I will be responsible.

·       Sense of duty.

·       They know the importance of parenting, but really feel hopeless and helpless.

·       It’s a burden and a pressure

·       It feels heavy

·       To fill their bucket they want to be noticed.

·       You children will fall into these categories, but right now just look at you first.

·       I’m doing my part why aren’t they doing their part.

·       You can depend on these people.  They are where they say they will be when they say they will be there.

4.     I want to

·       Big difference between these steps. 

·       It feels like a huge difference

·       Example:  Close your eyes and say…. “I will get my visiting teaching done before Thanksgiving.” (It feels heavy.  The Spirit in the room drops).  However if you say, “I really want to see Sister Jones.  It will be fun to take her something.”  It feels lighter.  The requirement is the same (visiting teaching is the requirement).

·       It’s how you choose to feel about it.

·       If you say the words in your head you will feel the energy

·       A class member asked, “What is I have….anxiety, depression, OCD, etc and really want to do these things, but if I do my home and family suffer for it.”  Sister Tanner’s answer is…. “You cannot run faster than you have strength.” 

·       If your heart is in the right place and you could do this you would.  “Yes, I want to do this, but my house is falling apart and my husband is gone.”  That’s what your life allows right now.  Eventually your house won’t be falling apart and your husband will be home and you will have that same opportunity.

·       It’s a condition of the heart.  Would you do it if you could do it?

·       This person lives beyond the commandments

·       They want to serve and be helpful

5.     I am thankful, may I

·       The difference in this step from the last one is from the quote at the beginning…..

·       Vision of Service by Elder V. Dallas Merrell  December 1996 Ensign “Charity is not just works or gift giving but a condition of the soul, a quality of our character.  The gift of charity flows from God as he reveals His love for us and from our reciprocating feeling love of God, His work, & His children.”

·       Where is the drive coming from?

·       There is no evaluation of who or what you serve

·       You are not taking your own temperature

·       This is gratitude to the Lord

·       It is hard to hit this last level.

·       To get to this last level….1. Study “Jesus the Christ” by Talmage and 2.  Study the cross references in the scriptures and really understand the atonement.

·       You just being to see where the next level of service is.

·       We need to be here to live a celestial life.

HOMEWORK:

1. Check your spiritual report card.  Where are you in your personal prayers, personal scripture study, and Sabbath day worship.
2. Between now & Christmas start one of these…. “Jesus the Christ” or “Atonement” study of the cross references in the scriptures
3. Do a family service project. 
• 12 days of service:  Service scavenger hunt….,Mom called the Boise Rescue mission and found out what they needed.  They did a Facebook event that said we will be by on a family home evening and collect any items you wish to donate.  The kids grumbled to begin with, but then it became fun.
• Your children don’t want to serve right now.  That is normal.  If we don’t teach them to have opportunities to serve when will they learn it.  They receive an outpouring of the spirit.  Once they experience that it takes them to the point of “May I”.
• Service project can be fun.
• It needs to require time, work, effort, and planning.
• When Sister Tanner’s boys were 12-11-10-9 Mike Tanner took the boys over to one of his grown up scouts who had gotten married and had no money.  They were building a house and Mike volunteered the boys and himself to pour the foundation and footings.  The boys did all the work for free.
• At Christmas they took a family not in their ward and assign the children a name in the family.  They had to work to earn the money and buys gifts for them.  They had to buy them…something to wear, something to play with, and something to eat (treat).  One year, Nate said he had a boy from school.  He knew what he wanted to get him.  It was a name brand sweatshirt, pants, and still do the other things too.  He worked hard and saved his money and purchased those things.  Everyday for the rest of the year that boy wore those jeans to school.
• On year at Christmas time they purchased a trampoline for a family.  They were in the middle of the street putting it together at 11pm at night.  The put 3 bags of gifts on top of it and walked it down the street to the house where it belonged and put it over the front porch then went and hid.  Then Nate knocked on the door and ran and hid.
• They can do…community work, nursing home work.
• 3 year olds won’t get it.  It will teach you to get it.
• Adopt a grandma….visit every week for 6 weeks and do Christmas for her.
• Create experiences at the level your kids are at.
• Sister Tanner’s sister has her kids pick one of their new gifts they got a Christmas time and give it to someone who didn’t have any.
• Do something & pray about it.  You will receive revelation.

GIFTS OF GALILEE

By Sandi Haslam

          Adam was five the year he changed my life forever.  One gray afternoon in early December, he burst breathlessly through the kitchen door and asked, ‘Mom can I bring my friend over to have dinner with us tonight?”  I paused and shifted my gaze form the nearly empty bucket of thickening wallpaper paste.

          “Tonight?”

          “He won’t care what we’re having.”

          “Oh, Adam.  Not tonight.  I still have two rolls of border to put up before I can clean up.  Daddy will be home at 5:30 and I haven’t even thought about dinner yet.  Tonight’s really not a good night.”

          “He likes everything.  His Mom won’t be home tonight.”  I stepped down from the ladder and gritted my teeth at the sensation of cold paste mixed with wallpaper trimmings and cracker crumbs adhering to the bottoms of my bare feet.  I spotted the two remaining rolls of border, which had rolled under the kitchen table and were bonded together in a puddle of paste.

          “Well, honey, I’m sure his family will see that he gets his dinner,” I said, trying to indicate an end to the discussion.

          “He doesn’t have a family.  He wants a brother and a Dad, but he just gots a Mom.”

          I stopped in my crawl under the table and turned to look over my shoulder at Adam standing in the doorway.  He was already turning to go with a sad look of resignation on his little face.  All too well he knew the tone in my voice that said it was useless to plead, that my mind was made up.  A pang of guilt stabbed at my heart at the sight of the small hunched shoulders and the hands jammed dejectedly into his jeans pockets.

          “Adam,” I said in a sudden repentant rush, “I’m just so busy tonight and everything is such a mess.  Let’s have your friend come to our house for dinner when we can make it more special—when the new wallpaper is up and the house is clean and I have time to make a really special “Friend Dinner.”  Rekindled interest flickered in his big blue eyes.

          “Okay. When?”

          “Soon, honey.  I promise, real soon.”  The hands came out of his pockets, the little shoulders square and his childish smile warmed away the pain in my heart.

          “Thanks Mom!” And off he lurched, skipping all on one foot, his corn silk hair parted and blowing back across his forehead.  A moment after he had galloped out the doorway, his cherubic little face reappeared with eyes shining.

          “And Mom, he won’t even care if the wallpaper isn’t finished.”

          The rest of the evening, the innocence of Adam’s parting comment stayed with me; as I finished hanging the rolls of border, as I cleaned up the pasty mess on the kitchen floor and later, as I stood under the soothing, steamy spell of the pulsating hot water in the shower.  As I washed and rewashed my hair, tugging bits of dried wallpaper paste from the soggy strands, it was as if I was trying to wash myself free of the subtle nagging guilt that still remained from our conversation.  The holidays were such a busy time!  Here I was, trying to give the house a little face lift so it would look nice to have our family over for holiday get togethers, and trying to make our limited budget cover the expenses that always spilled over what our estimates of them had been in October.  I wanted the kids to have a good Christmas even if it meant skimping on a few other things we might have otherwise had or done.  I just couldn’t do everything.  But then in the back of my mind I heard Adam’s voice saying, “He won’t care what we’re having, He likes everything.”  I knew it wouldn’t matter if it was a tuna sandwich or macaroni and cheese.  I was the one who had said let’s wait until we could make it a big, special “Friend Dinner.” (Mosiah 4:26  And now, for the sake of these things which I have spoken unto you—that is, for the sake of retaining a remission of your sins from day to day, that ye may walk guiltless before God—I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants.)

          “I’m doing the best I can,” I said aloud, as if begging understanding from the image of the child’s face I held in my mind.  And then I pushed it out of my thought to allow for the crush of things there was to do before Christmas.

          A week went by.  New snow dressed the streets and sidewalks.  Colored lights blossomed across the city housetops and Christmas trees appeared in all the windows.  I looked out the window where I stood, spreading brown sugar and marshmallows over the top of the sweet potatoes.  The smell of turkey hung heavy and warm everywhere and glasses of cranberry juice sparkled in leaded crystal glasses on my beautifully set table.  I sighted with contentment.  Weren’t the holidays just the best time of the whole year?  Could anything be better than family and being together?  I smiled as I watched Adam kicking the drifts of snow, sending the white fluff into powdered clouds above his head that glittered in the sunshine as they settled on top of his park hood.  When he finally came through the back door, his hair and eyebrows and lashes were covered with great white flakes.  Those wonderful, shining eyes were wide with excitement.

          “Mom! Look!” he said as he tugged at a soggy note pinned to the front of his coat.  “It’s a note from my teacher.  It says I’m supposed to be an elf in the Christmas program and I need a costume.”  I took the paper and read the simple instructions.

          “Okay honey, we can start on this tomorrow.  I’m sure there’s something around here we can make an elf costume out of.  But tonight daddy and I are having some special friends over for dinner, so I will need your help before they come.”  Suddenly Adam became very aware of the holly sprigged cherry pies cooling on the counter and the heavenly smell of the turkey wafting all about him.  He was quiet for a moment and then said, “Oh….it’s sort of like a “Special Friend” dinner?”

          “Well, uh…yes.  I guess son,” I said, seeing clearly the hurt behind his question.

          “How many special friends are coming?”

          “There will be six.”

          “Oh. I just have one,” he said and he walked out of the kitchen.

          The next day was Saturday.  Adam was helping me wipe the Froot Loops off the breakfast table when he suddenly said, “Mom, how much is a turkey?”  Surprised, I replied, “Oh about ten dollars, why?”

          “How much is ten dollars?”

          “Well if you did ten jobs and I paid you a dollar for every job you did, that would be ten dollars, and that would be enough to buy a turkey.”

          “Do you got ten jobs?”

          “I suppose I could find some.”

          It was nearly six o’clock when I put the finishing touches on the elf costume.  Bells jangled from the tip of the pointed cap and cotton batting filled out the plump tummy.  A sash held in the fabric’s fullness beneath the protruding stuffed belly, and the bright green jacket sported large black buttons down the front.  I hadn’t seen Adam since a little after 4:00 and the house was quiet.  I made a quick survey of the main floor.  The garbage can in the kitchen had been emptied and a new bag stretched lopsidedly into the can.  I could see where a chair had been dragged across the kitchen floor to wipe off the countertops.  There were still remnants of grape jelly smears on the white formica, and most of the crumbs had fallen to the floor.  On the table was a pile of jumbled underwear that looked like it had been folded by a very small boy.  Beside it was an irregular stack of towels and five carefully wadded balls of dishcloths placed in a row along the edge of the table.  The table had been set with plates and glasses and spoons.  In the center of the table was a box of Captain Crunch and a bowl of mini marshmallows.  At each place a half graham cracker had been carefully laid beside each spoon.  I looked into the family room.  One very large log had been brought in from the wood pile and placed on the hearth.  The scattered newspapers had been stacked on the end table and Adam laid curled up asleep with a dust cloth and a can of Pledge on the floor in front of the television’s late afternoon cartoons.

          That was a lovely dinner that evening.  As wonderful as the elegant dinner the night before with our friends.  I ate my Captain Crunch and marshmallows and never did a dinner taste so fine!  As soon as we finished, Adam and I got into the car and drove to the supermarket to pick out a turkey.  He deliberated at great length over his selection.  He insisted on carrying it himself to the checkout stand, even though his knuckles were frosty and his fingers turning white.

          On the way home I expected him to ask me when I would cook the turkey and we could have his friend over for dinner, but he said nothing all the way home.  When I pulled into the driveway and stopped the car, he lifted the frozen turkey from the car seat and carried it over to his wagon.  Carefully placing the turkey in the middle of the wagon, he picked up the handle and turned towards the street.

          “I will be right back, Mom.”  I could do nothing but nod.  I watched him disappear down the block, pulling the turkey behind him.  As I stood there alone on the driveway watching the Christmas lights blink on in the neighborhood, a voice spoke to me saying,… ‘Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.  Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.’” (Mathew 18:3-4)

          The next night was Adam’s school Christmas program. He was elated with the elf costume and insisted on wearing it in the car on the way to the school.  He really did look quite authentic, with his straight soft bangs poking out underneath his jingling cap, and his brightly painted red cheeks and nose.  Parents were filing into the cafeteria where folding chairs had been set up in neat rows.  We sat towards the center behind a woman in an old tweed coat.  I could tell from the shoulders, even from behind her that the coat was much too large.  When she turned to glance over her shoulder and smile, I saw that the lapels lapped the wrong way for a woman’s coat.  She was surprisingly young.  She had a gentle, tired face.  She sat alone until the room was filled with parents and she was eventually sandwiched into the craning necks and shoulders of proud parents trying to get a good view of the small stage. 

The lights dimmed and the music began.  Some reindeer pranced out and did ballet circles along the edge of the stage.  They sprinkled snowflakes as they danced, preparing the way for Santa Claus.  Santa entered with jingling sleigh bells as the piano vibrated with strains of “jolly old St. Nicholas.”  Santa called for the help of his elves in making the toys.  The curtains parted, and our danced four little elves…no five little elves.  There were four costumes, but five elves.  There at the end of the line of dancing elves was Adam.  The stuffing had been pulled from his tummy, and the green jacket with the black shiny buttons hung open to make room for another little boy inside his costume.  Each boy had an arm in the jacket, with the other arm about his companion.  Adam wore the belled cap and his little friend wore a cone shaped cap made of green construction paper.  Adam’s red cheeks were smeared from his chin to his eyebrows, but it was evident what had happened.  His little friend wore identical smeared cheeks and they have obviously rubbed their noses together.  They sang with the rest of the elves, performing the dance steps awkwardly, but with much gusto.  They were having a wonderful time, there was no doubt.  Neither Adam nor his little friend seemed the least bit intimidated and when their number was over they “high-fived” each other with the arms they had in the jacket sleeves.  The woman in front of us bowed her face into a tissue and wept.

          After the performance, we found Adam lined up in the hallway waiting for us with punch and cookies.  He looked apprehensive when I approached, as if he didn’t know quite how he was going to be received.  I knelt down beside him and put my arms around him and said, “You are a wonderful dancer, Adam!”  Tars welled up in his eyes and his chin quivered and he said, “Are you mad, Mom?”

          “Mad? Why would I be mad, Adam?”

          “Because I didn’t wear my costume like I was supposed to…because I put my friend in it with me and that made it not look right.”

          “No Adam.  I’m not mad.  But why did you do that?”

          “Because he didn’t have a costume.  His Mom couldn’t get him one and he was supposed to be an elf too.  So my teacher made him a hat and I told him he could just be part of me.”  (Matthew 25:35,40  For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in and the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.)

          “Oh Adam!”  I thought.  “How close to the angels you are!  You made him part of you!  That is the very gift the Savior himself gave each of us—He made us part of Him through his loving sacrifice.  That is Christmas, Adam.  THAT is Christmas.”

          Suddenly at my elbow stood the woman in the ill-fitting tweed coat.

          “Are you Adam’s mother?” she asked.

          “Yes.”

          “I wanted to thank you for the lovely turkey!  I was so overwhelmed at your kindness.”

          “Oh, the turkey was from Adam.”

          “I’m sure it was, but thank you just the same.  It meant so much to us.”  I thought how much more it would have meant if she had known that it truly had been from Adam—just Adam.

          “mom, look what my friend made for me!”  Adam help up a tiny box fashioned from a folded Christmas card.  Inside was a single chipped cat’s eye marble.  “And he made if mom.  He made it himself!”  He turned to his friend who glowed with pride.

          “I have something for you too.”  I winced.  Oh no…what would Adam do?  From his pocket he pulled a small crumpled piece of paper and handed it to his friend who had suddenly become very shy.  Slowly the paper was unfolded to show the crayoned drawing of a stick figure.  The face was topped with scribbles of yellow hair and Adam’s blue eyes were unmistakable.

          “I know you want a Dad and a brother for Christmas, so I decided to give you a brother—me!”  The boys grabbed each other and pealed with laughter.  “ You can just share my Dad.”

          Little could Adam understand the significance of his gift.  To give oneself as a brother at Christmas, and to share the love of the Father of all men, are the greatest gifts the children of God can give to one another.  These were the gifts of the very first Christmas, still given today by wise men.  They were the gifts of Galilee, given by the Savior of the world Himself to all those who would humbly and thankfully receive them.  I vowed then to forever give these gifts of Galilee for Christmas.  (John 13:34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.)