James McArthur was Mike Tanner’s mission companion and now teaches at BYU. He was teaching at education week. He grew up in a harsh dysfunctional family. One day he had a prompting to go visit a lady. She was in need and he was an answer to prayer. He said, “I reached a point where I could turn my life over to God.” Before you can turn life over to God you have to have your own life.
What does it look like to go from where I am not to turning my life over to God? What does it mean to own your own life? If you don’t own it who does?
When you say I wish I was more kind, more patient, had more charity, you are trying to improve yourself in the negative you can’t take hold of it and change.
Where is your spirituality or your capacity to say, “I can turn my life over to God?”
Matthew 20:28 Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
Think about Frances Monson on Christmas day when President Monson delivered 85 turkeys to widows. What was her attitude? What would ours have been?
The Savior never turned away someone sick or afflicted and he blessed the children one by one.
It’s not just doing the act, but it’s a condition of the heart.
It is a development/journey into charity. “I can turn over my life” because your goal is to serve.
“Charity is an act, it is the condition of the heart.”
You can do good things and not have charity.
“Charity is not just works or gift giving but a condition of the soul, a quality of our character. The gift of charity flows from God as he reveals His love for us and from our reciprocating feeling love of God, His work, & His children.”
What do we learn from this quote….
- Charity is not just doing an act of service
- It is a condition of the soul or character.
- If you have a condition of the heart it is to serve, but you can serve without your heart being in it and it won’t develop charity.
- Gift of charity flows from God
- It has to be given
- You have to ask for it.
- D&C 46 “Pray for all the best gifts”
- In the process of gifts the reason why we do the acts changes.
- In receiving that gift you come to understand how much God has given us. Then turn and serve God’s children because we feel that love.
You can have charity in some things but not be charitable.
It isn’t your character yet. Eventually over time service changes your character.
How do you have a spiritual report card to check where you are in service?
- Personal Prayers
- Personal Scripture Study
- How you keep the Sabbath Day holy
Those are a good indication of where you are right now.
When we pull away from the Lord in our busyness our prayers and intensity diminish.
The more often we check those 3 things (prayer, scripture, Sabbath day), the more often we can change
Women tend towards depression and discouragement. If we evaluate and repent or turn around on the things you need to fix you will come out of that pit of depression no matter what the reason.
What have I don’t of value in the Lord’s kingdom? What have I done for the Lord in my life?
The Dash Poem
by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end
He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?
©1996 Linda Ellis
It took Sister Tanner about 5 years to put together the Service Continuum.
The core to do something to become Christlike is in service. How does that translate into my life?
He is perfect. Though that is my goal it’s defeating. I need it broken down into steps.
Jesus gave 2 great commandments---“Love God” and “Love your neighbor as yourself”. We can increase our spirituality by obeying those 2 commandments.
Most of our love is toward ourselves (natural man). We have to learn to love enough to take our minds off us.
Service is a condition of the heart no time management.
Evaluate yourself. You can be in different levels on the Service Continuum in the different roles in your life (Relief Society Calling, Visiting Teacher, Mom, Spouse, Daughter, Sister, Friend)
Identify where you are and then take the very next step to move up on the Service Continuum. You can’t move directly to the goal. There is a process you have to go through.
1. I won’t/I can’t
· Example: The Bishop says you need to have family home evening every Monday night. You go home and say, “I can’t do that, my husband works…I have ornery kids”
· This is a justification for why you can’t do it.
· It’s an attitude
· Rationalization
· Only focused on self & how it affects them.
· I can’t do it because of you or something else (blame)
· Lives with a lot of offense.
· Carry hurts, focus on those.
· Most of us go here occasionally
· You are the “victim”
· You feel like you are powerless. It’s in how you think.
· The goal is simply to move to the next step.
· Example: There was a Relief Society lesson on charity. A sister was making profound contributions to the lesson. When it came to a close the Relief Society president said, we have an opportunity in our ward to serve. There is a non-member in our ward with a 6 week old baby. She had an aneurysm. Her prognosis is good in the long run, but right now she is in the hospital and her husband has to work. We need someone to take the baby and take care of it. They just moved to Boise and have no friends and no family here. The Sister that was making those great comments toward the lesson said, “I just don’t see how they can ask us to do this. She isn’t even a member of the ward.” Sister Tanner took the baby home for 2 months and raised her along with her own 6 little kids she already had at home.
· This is verbally expressing the testimony, but it still comes down to the act.
2. I have to/I need to
· You say “I need to” but you really don’t to it.
· This is Laman & Lemuel. They went but they whined the whole way.
· This is better than the one that won’t do it.
· Many of us live here.
· I’ll accept the calling and come to do it, but grumble the whole time.
· I’ll do it but there is emotional repercussions to everyone around me from it. Silent treatment and withdrawal of affection are an adult temper tantrum.
· Example: Marilee (Sister Tanner’s sister) was teaching a primary class of age 7 kids. She had Hinckley bucks. They earned them for prayer, reading scriptures, memorizing scriptures. Some of it they did in class and some of it they did on their own. There were some over achievers and some under achievers that only earned exactly what they did in class together. She made sure each child had enough to buy some dollar store trinkets at a year-end party. A mother called and asked, “How many Hinckley bucks did some of the kids have?” Marilee said they all have what they earned. The mother said, “That’s not fair. It will hurt my daughters self esteem if someone has more than she does.” All the children had the same opportunity, but they wanted the reward without the work.
· This is typical of the “I have to” but they want the greatest reward in the end.
· These are the people that say, “I need to call ____.” “I need to do my visiting teaching early.” “I need to read my scripture.” They say the things, but never really intend to do them.
3. I will
· I will teach the class
· I will be responsible.
· Sense of duty.
· They know the importance of parenting, but really feel hopeless and helpless.
· It’s a burden and a pressure
· It feels heavy
· To fill their bucket they want to be noticed.
· You children will fall into these categories, but right now just look at you first.
· I’m doing my part why aren’t they doing their part.
· You can depend on these people. They are where they say they will be when they say they will be there.
4. I want to
· Big difference between these steps.
· It feels like a huge difference
· Example: Close your eyes and say…. “I will get my visiting teaching done before Thanksgiving.” (It feels heavy. The Spirit in the room drops). However if you say, “I really want to see Sister Jones. It will be fun to take her something.” It feels lighter. The requirement is the same (visiting teaching is the requirement).
· It’s how you choose to feel about it.
· If you say the words in your head you will feel the energy
· A class member asked, “What is I have….anxiety, depression, OCD, etc and really want to do these things, but if I do my home and family suffer for it.” Sister Tanner’s answer is…. “You cannot run faster than you have strength.”
· If your heart is in the right place and you could do this you would. “Yes, I want to do this, but my house is falling apart and my husband is gone.” That’s what your life allows right now. Eventually your house won’t be falling apart and your husband will be home and you will have that same opportunity.
· It’s a condition of the heart. Would you do it if you could do it?
· This person lives beyond the commandments
· They want to serve and be helpful
5. I am thankful, may I
· The difference in this step from the last one is from the quote at the beginning…..
· Vision of Service by Elder V. Dallas Merrell December 1996 Ensign “Charity is not just works or gift giving but a condition of the soul, a quality of our character. The gift of charity flows from God as he reveals His love for us and from our reciprocating feeling love of God, His work, & His children.”
· Where is the drive coming from?
· There is no evaluation of who or what you serve
· You are not taking your own temperature
· This is gratitude to the Lord
· It is hard to hit this last level.
· To get to this last level….1. Study “Jesus the Christ” by Talmage and 2. Study the cross references in the scriptures and really understand the atonement.
· You just being to see where the next level of service is.
· We need to be here to live a celestial life.
HOMEWORK:
- Check your spiritual report card. Where are you in your personal prayers, personal scripture study, and Sabbath day worship.
- Between now & Christmas start one of these…. “Jesus the Christ” or “Atonement” study of the cross references in the scriptures
- Do a family service project.
- 12 days of service: Service scavenger hunt….,Mom called the Boise Rescue mission and found out what they needed. They did a Facebook event that said we will be by on a family home evening and collect any items you wish to donate. The kids grumbled to begin with, but then it became fun.
- Your children don’t want to serve right now. That is normal. If we don’t teach them to have opportunities to serve when will they learn it. They receive an outpouring of the spirit. Once they experience that it takes them to the point of “May I”.
- Service project can be fun.
- It needs to require time, work, effort, and planning.
- When Sister Tanner’s boys were 12-11-10-9 Mike Tanner took the boys over to one of his grown up scouts who had gotten married and had no money. They were building a house and Mike volunteered the boys and himself to pour the foundation and footings. The boys did all the work for free.
- At Christmas they took a family not in their ward and assign the children a name in the family. They had to work to earn the money and buys gifts for them. They had to buy them…something to wear, something to play with, and something to eat (treat). One year, Nate said he had a boy from school. He knew what he wanted to get him. It was a name brand sweatshirt, pants, and still do the other things too. He worked hard and saved his money and purchased those things. Everyday for the rest of the year that boy wore those jeans to school.
- On year at Christmas time they purchased a trampoline for a family. They were in the middle of the street putting it together at 11pm at night. The put 3 bags of gifts on top of it and walked it down the street to the house where it belonged and put it over the front porch then went and hid. Then Nate knocked on the door and ran and hid.
- They can do…community work, nursing home work.
- 3 year olds won’t get it. It will teach you to get it.
- Adopt a grandma….visit every week for 6 weeks and do Christmas for her.
- Create experiences at the level your kids are at.
- Sister Tanner’s sister has her kids pick one of their new gifts they got a Christmas time and give it to someone who didn’t have any.
- Do something & pray about it. You will receive revelation.
GIFTS OF GALILEE
By Sandi Haslam
Adam was five the year he changed my life forever. One gray afternoon in early December, he burst breathlessly through the kitchen door and asked, ‘Mom can I bring my friend over to have dinner with us tonight?” I paused and shifted my gaze form the nearly empty bucket of thickening wallpaper paste.
“Tonight?”
“He won’t care what we’re having.”
“Oh, Adam. Not tonight. I still have two rolls of border to put up before I can clean up. Daddy will be home at 5:30 and I haven’t even thought about dinner yet. Tonight’s really not a good night.”
“He likes everything. His Mom won’t be home tonight.” I stepped down from the ladder and gritted my teeth at the sensation of cold paste mixed with wallpaper trimmings and cracker crumbs adhering to the bottoms of my bare feet. I spotted the two remaining rolls of border, which had rolled under the kitchen table and were bonded together in a puddle of paste.
“Well, honey, I’m sure his family will see that he gets his dinner,” I said, trying to indicate an end to the discussion.
“He doesn’t have a family. He wants a brother and a Dad, but he just gots a Mom.”
I stopped in my crawl under the table and turned to look over my shoulder at Adam standing in the doorway. He was already turning to go with a sad look of resignation on his little face. All too well he knew the tone in my voice that said it was useless to plead, that my mind was made up. A pang of guilt stabbed at my heart at the sight of the small hunched shoulders and the hands jammed dejectedly into his jeans pockets.
“Adam,” I said in a sudden repentant rush, “I’m just so busy tonight and everything is such a mess. Let’s have your friend come to our house for dinner when we can make it more special—when the new wallpaper is up and the house is clean and I have time to make a really special “Friend Dinner.” Rekindled interest flickered in his big blue eyes.
“Okay. When?”
“Soon, honey. I promise, real soon.” The hands came out of his pockets, the little shoulders square and his childish smile warmed away the pain in my heart.
“Thanks Mom!” And off he lurched, skipping all on one foot, his corn silk hair parted and blowing back across his forehead. A moment after he had galloped out the doorway, his cherubic little face reappeared with eyes shining.
“And Mom, he won’t even care if the wallpaper isn’t finished.”
The rest of the evening, the innocence of Adam’s parting comment stayed with me; as I finished hanging the rolls of border, as I cleaned up the pasty mess on the kitchen floor and later, as I stood under the soothing, steamy spell of the pulsating hot water in the shower. As I washed and rewashed my hair, tugging bits of dried wallpaper paste from the soggy strands, it was as if I was trying to wash myself free of the subtle nagging guilt that still remained from our conversation. The holidays were such a busy time! Here I was, trying to give the house a little face lift so it would look nice to have our family over for holiday get togethers, and trying to make our limited budget cover the expenses that always spilled over what our estimates of them had been in October. I wanted the kids to have a good Christmas even if it meant skimping on a few other things we might have otherwise had or done. I just couldn’t do everything. But then in the back of my mind I heard Adam’s voice saying, “He won’t care what we’re having, He likes everything.” I knew it wouldn’t matter if it was a tuna sandwich or macaroni and cheese. I was the one who had said let’s wait until we could make it a big, special “Friend Dinner.” (Mosiah 4:26 And now, for the sake of these things which I have spoken unto you—that is, for the sake of retaining a remission of your sins from day to day, that ye may walk guiltless before God—I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants.)
“I’m doing the best I can,” I said aloud, as if begging understanding from the image of the child’s face I held in my mind. And then I pushed it out of my thought to allow for the crush of things there was to do before Christmas.
A week went by. New snow dressed the streets and sidewalks. Colored lights blossomed across the city housetops and Christmas trees appeared in all the windows. I looked out the window where I stood, spreading brown sugar and marshmallows over the top of the sweet potatoes. The smell of turkey hung heavy and warm everywhere and glasses of cranberry juice sparkled in leaded crystal glasses on my beautifully set table. I sighted with contentment. Weren’t the holidays just the best time of the whole year? Could anything be better than family and being together? I smiled as I watched Adam kicking the drifts of snow, sending the white fluff into powdered clouds above his head that glittered in the sunshine as they settled on top of his park hood. When he finally came through the back door, his hair and eyebrows and lashes were covered with great white flakes. Those wonderful, shining eyes were wide with excitement.
“Mom! Look!” he said as he tugged at a soggy note pinned to the front of his coat. “It’s a note from my teacher. It says I’m supposed to be an elf in the Christmas program and I need a costume.” I took the paper and read the simple instructions.
“Okay honey, we can start on this tomorrow. I’m sure there’s something around here we can make an elf costume out of. But tonight daddy and I are having some special friends over for dinner, so I will need your help before they come.” Suddenly Adam became very aware of the holly sprigged cherry pies cooling on the counter and the heavenly smell of the turkey wafting all about him. He was quiet for a moment and then said, “Oh….it’s sort of like a “Special Friend” dinner?”
“Well, uh…yes. I guess son,” I said, seeing clearly the hurt behind his question.
“How many special friends are coming?”
“There will be six.”
“Oh. I just have one,” he said and he walked out of the kitchen.
The next day was Saturday. Adam was helping me wipe the Froot Loops off the breakfast table when he suddenly said, “Mom, how much is a turkey?” Surprised, I replied, “Oh about ten dollars, why?”
“How much is ten dollars?”
“Well if you did ten jobs and I paid you a dollar for every job you did, that would be ten dollars, and that would be enough to buy a turkey.”
“Do you got ten jobs?”
“I suppose I could find some.”
It was nearly six o’clock when I put the finishing touches on the elf costume. Bells jangled from the tip of the pointed cap and cotton batting filled out the plump tummy. A sash held in the fabric’s fullness beneath the protruding stuffed belly, and the bright green jacket sported large black buttons down the front. I hadn’t seen Adam since a little after 4:00 and the house was quiet. I made a quick survey of the main floor. The garbage can in the kitchen had been emptied and a new bag stretched lopsidedly into the can. I could see where a chair had been dragged across the kitchen floor to wipe off the countertops. There were still remnants of grape jelly smears on the white formica, and most of the crumbs had fallen to the floor. On the table was a pile of jumbled underwear that looked like it had been folded by a very small boy. Beside it was an irregular stack of towels and five carefully wadded balls of dishcloths placed in a row along the edge of the table. The table had been set with plates and glasses and spoons. In the center of the table was a box of Captain Crunch and a bowl of mini marshmallows. At each place a half graham cracker had been carefully laid beside each spoon. I looked into the family room. One very large log had been brought in from the wood pile and placed on the hearth. The scattered newspapers had been stacked on the end table and Adam laid curled up asleep with a dust cloth and a can of Pledge on the floor in front of the television’s late afternoon cartoons.
That was a lovely dinner that evening. As wonderful as the elegant dinner the night before with our friends. I ate my Captain Crunch and marshmallows and never did a dinner taste so fine! As soon as we finished, Adam and I got into the car and drove to the supermarket to pick out a turkey. He deliberated at great length over his selection. He insisted on carrying it himself to the checkout stand, even though his knuckles were frosty and his fingers turning white.
On the way home I expected him to ask me when I would cook the turkey and we could have his friend over for dinner, but he said nothing all the way home. When I pulled into the driveway and stopped the car, he lifted the frozen turkey from the car seat and carried it over to his wagon. Carefully placing the turkey in the middle of the wagon, he picked up the handle and turned towards the street.
“I will be right back, Mom.” I could do nothing but nod. I watched him disappear down the block, pulling the turkey behind him. As I stood there alone on the driveway watching the Christmas lights blink on in the neighborhood, a voice spoke to me saying,… ‘Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.’” (Mathew 18:3-4)
The next night was Adam’s school Christmas program. He was elated with the elf costume and insisted on wearing it in the car on the way to the school. He really did look quite authentic, with his straight soft bangs poking out underneath his jingling cap, and his brightly painted red cheeks and nose. Parents were filing into the cafeteria where folding chairs had been set up in neat rows. We sat towards the center behind a woman in an old tweed coat. I could tell from the shoulders, even from behind her that the coat was much too large. When she turned to glance over her shoulder and smile, I saw that the lapels lapped the wrong way for a woman’s coat. She was surprisingly young. She had a gentle, tired face. She sat alone until the room was filled with parents and she was eventually sandwiched into the craning necks and shoulders of proud parents trying to get a good view of the small stage.
The lights dimmed and the music began. Some reindeer pranced out and did ballet circles along the edge of the stage. They sprinkled snowflakes as they danced, preparing the way for Santa Claus. Santa entered with jingling sleigh bells as the piano vibrated with strains of “jolly old St. Nicholas.” Santa called for the help of his elves in making the toys. The curtains parted, and our danced four little elves…no five little elves. There were four costumes, but five elves. There at the end of the line of dancing elves was Adam. The stuffing had been pulled from his tummy, and the green jacket with the black shiny buttons hung open to make room for another little boy inside his costume. Each boy had an arm in the jacket, with the other arm about his companion. Adam wore the belled cap and his little friend wore a cone shaped cap made of green construction paper. Adam’s red cheeks were smeared from his chin to his eyebrows, but it was evident what had happened. His little friend wore identical smeared cheeks and they have obviously rubbed their noses together. They sang with the rest of the elves, performing the dance steps awkwardly, but with much gusto. They were having a wonderful time, there was no doubt. Neither Adam nor his little friend seemed the least bit intimidated and when their number was over they “high-fived” each other with the arms they had in the jacket sleeves. The woman in front of us bowed her face into a tissue and wept.
After the performance, we found Adam lined up in the hallway waiting for us with punch and cookies. He looked apprehensive when I approached, as if he didn’t know quite how he was going to be received. I knelt down beside him and put my arms around him and said, “You are a wonderful dancer, Adam!” Tars welled up in his eyes and his chin quivered and he said, “Are you mad, Mom?”
“Mad? Why would I be mad, Adam?”
“Because I didn’t wear my costume like I was supposed to…because I put my friend in it with me and that made it not look right.”
“No Adam. I’m not mad. But why did you do that?”
“Because he didn’t have a costume. His Mom couldn’t get him one and he was supposed to be an elf too. So my teacher made him a hat and I told him he could just be part of me.” (Matthew 25:35,40 For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in and the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.)
“Oh Adam!” I thought. “How close to the angels you are! You made him part of you! That is the very gift the Savior himself gave each of us—He made us part of Him through his loving sacrifice. That is Christmas, Adam. THAT is Christmas.”
Suddenly at my elbow stood the woman in the ill-fitting tweed coat.
“Are you Adam’s mother?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“I wanted to thank you for the lovely turkey! I was so overwhelmed at your kindness.”
“Oh, the turkey was from Adam.”
“I’m sure it was, but thank you just the same. It meant so much to us.” I thought how much more it would have meant if she had known that it truly had been from Adam—just Adam.
“mom, look what my friend made for me!” Adam help up a tiny box fashioned from a folded Christmas card. Inside was a single chipped cat’s eye marble. “And he made if mom. He made it himself!” He turned to his friend who glowed with pride.
“I have something for you too.” I winced. Oh no…what would Adam do? From his pocket he pulled a small crumpled piece of paper and handed it to his friend who had suddenly become very shy. Slowly the paper was unfolded to show the crayoned drawing of a stick figure. The face was topped with scribbles of yellow hair and Adam’s blue eyes were unmistakable.
“I know you want a Dad and a brother for Christmas, so I decided to give you a brother—me!” The boys grabbed each other and pealed with laughter. “ You can just share my Dad.”
Little could Adam understand the significance of his gift. To give oneself as a brother at Christmas, and to share the love of the Father of all men, are the greatest gifts the children of God can give to one another. These were the gifts of the very first Christmas, still given today by wise men. They were the gifts of Galilee, given by the Savior of the world Himself to all those who would humbly and thankfully receive them. I vowed then to forever give these gifts of Galilee for Christmas. (John 13:34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.)
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