- We live in a crude, rude, undisciplined society. There is no respect for appearance, people, and positions of authority.
- "Although the world has changed, the laws of God remain constant. They have not changed; they will not change. The Ten Commandments are just that—commandments. They are not suggestions. They are every bit as requisite today as they were when God gave them to the children of Israel" Thomas S. Monson New Era November 2011
- We are losing every sense of value
- One lady at work had found pornography on her husband's cell phone. The other ladies said, "Men just do that." That's the world's reaction to things now.
- Kids dress with their pants falling off, immodest dress, and horrible language.
- Look at ward dinners....who eats first? Kids, who overfill their plates and then they play hide-n-seek while the adults are eating whatever is left over.
- There is a lack of respect for personal property. Kids say, "I'm just borrowing it, I'm not stealing it."
- Children need to be taught what the expectation is. They don't know and there is no where in the world they will be taught it.
- This started in the 60's with the liberated movement. The focus from that time on is comfort and ease.
- As life has become faster and easy we lose manners and respect.
Practices: Things we need to teach our children...
1. Do not allow your children to call adults by their first name....
- Margaret S. Lifferth "Respect & Reverence" April 2009 General Conference "My stake president has been a dear friend for over 30 years, and as friends, we have always called each other by our first names. But because he serves in a calling of priesthood leadership—in public and certainly in a Church setting—I make a conscious effort to refer to him as President Porter. Teaching our children and youth that it is appropriate to address our leaders as president, bishop, brother, and sister encourages respect and reverence. It also teaches the truth that leaders are called of God and have been given sacred responsibilities.
- What if you are a Young Women's leader and say, "I don't want to be called 'sister' it makes me feel old." Tough! You are their leader. They need to show you respect.
- What if your daughter's Young Women leaders insist on being called by their first name? When all 3 parties are present say to the leader, "I know you would like her to call you by your first name, but in our home we want them calling you 'Sister_______' as a sign of respect."
- Don't allow someone else to parent your children
- What if it is someone outside the church? What title do you use then? Mr. & Mrs.
- Aunts & Uncles/Nursery Leaders/Preschool teachers....Ms. Tracy, Always need to use a title of respect to precede the name.
2. Leaders of the Church
- Should always use "Elder or President Packer, Monson, Scott, etc."
- Preface their name with a title and it shows respect for the office.
4. Teach children how to answer a phone and take a message.
- Have a family home evening on this.
- When home teachers come to your home they should....stand, shake hands, listen to the lesson, stand, shake hands when they leave.
- Don't allow them to crawl all over the home teachers during the lesson. They can give them hugs before and after.
- By the time they are 2 they need to learn to sit.
- In FHE time they need to learn to sit for small amounts of time.
- We need to teach our HT & VT how to teach our family.
- Need to be dressed in a white shirt & tie to give blessings, pass the sacrament, collect fast offerings, anything that deals in a priesthood errand.
- We have fast foods. We eat on the run or we have picky eaters.
- One family uses "Manners on/Manners off". When they say "Manners on" they have to talk in a British accent, use good manners, be polite. When they say "Manners off" they have to use really bad manners. They practice at regular meals. Then when they have guests the parents say, "Manners on for real". The kids get the point.
- Teach them then give them the opportunity to use them.
- Invite company in.
- The way Sister Tanner learned manners...if you chewed with your mouth open her Dad reached across the table and held your lips closed. If you reached for things, you got poked with a fork. She doesn't recommend that method.
- Be consistent.
- Use please pass... and thank you.
- Chew with your mouth closed.
- Children not allowed to say, "I hate (food)." They still have to take a "thank-you" bite. It is one bite that says no thank-you I wouldn't like any more. If they don't dish it then the parent gets to decide how much they have.
- Some families have "leaverights"....Leave 'er right here and leave 'er right there. :)
- Please & thank you
- No name calling or labels
- Boys open the doors. Girls let them.
- Teach your girls not to "attack" the boys. They need to be more lady-like/feminine.
12. Write thank you letters.
13. Cell Phones
- They have a place and a purpose. They don't have a place or a purpose at church, in sacrament meetings, in YM/YW activities, or on scout trips.
- Youth need to learn to be unplugged.
- If your kids are texting their friends in the family room then they are inviting all their friends into your family time.
- Cell phones should never ring in class ever.
- If YM/YW bring their phones to class give them one chance then next time have them leave them in a basket on the table by the door. They can pick them up on the way out the door from the activity.
- This is the foundation of all other gifts. This is where all gifts begin. This will change your life if you let it.
- Cicero (in Rome) said, "Gratitude is not the greatest of virtues, but is the parent of all virtues."
- Flows out of a heart of gratitude.
- To build humility, faith, hope, or any other virtue it has to start with gratitude.
- We say we are thankful. Making a list of thank yous doesn't make you grateful.
- We want to get past the list of thank yous to build character.
- Gratitude is not a suggestion it is a commandment.
- D&C 59:7 "Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things."
- D&C 59:21 " And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments."
- Alma 34:38 "That ye contend no more against the Holy Ghost, but that ye receive it, and take upon you the name of Christ; that ye humble yourselves even to the dust, and worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you."
- Doctrine & Covenants 59 was given when the Saints were in Winter Quarters. They have been chased out of Nauvoo & crossed the river. Disease was everywhere. Babies were delivered in the mud. They were feeling wretched. The Lord told them to "give thanks in all things. If they weren't joyful, then they should pray until they were joyful then sing & dance and give praise & joy."
- What was there to give thanks for? Why would he tell them to do that? Gratitude gives peace & heals a broken heart.
"Gratitude expressed to our Heavenly Father in prayer for what we have brings a calming peace—a peace which allows us to not canker our souls for what we don’t have. Gratitude brings a peace that helps us overcome the pain of adversity and failure. Gratitude on a daily basis means we express appreciation for what we have now without qualification for what we had in the past or desire in the future. A recognition of and appreciation for our gifts and talents which have been given also allows us to acknowledge the need for help and assistance from the gifts and talents possessed by others."
- When we are filled with gratitude (or our children are filled with gratitude) we lose the rebellion.
- We don't teach our children to be grateful when we give them things.
- Withholding stuff and involving our children in hard service gives them a sense of gratitude: You need to be an example. We need to develop a core of gratitude and then live it. It's more than saying thank you. That gratitude starts in the head and then moves to the heart.
- Example: Start a paper chain from now until Christmas and write down something that you are thankful for on each link. Then take it off each night and talk about that thing you are grateful for and why. It keeps their minds off "me".
- Example: When Nathan got home from his mission to Brazil he didn't want a lot of people at the airport to meet him. He just wanted to slip home from his mission. He wanted to attend the temple. So they went through a session and then waited outside for Nathan and he didn't come and didn't come and didn't come for about 45 minutes they waited. Sister Tanner assumed that he had run into someone he knew and was chatting. Finally she sent Brother Tanner back in looking for him. When they came out Nathan just had tears in his eyes and apologized for making them wait for him. He had been standing in the bathroom with his hands under hot running water. He hadn't seen that or experienced that for 2 years. Even when they went to the grocery store he was so amazed at all the food. It took the 2 years of being without that made him appreciate the small things we take for granted.
- Example: Have a "blackout" night. No electronics or electricity. Cook with out it, eat without it, and just have a fun night.
- Example: Sister Tanner's Dad would purchase 1# boxes of chocolates and take them to the bank teller and the laundry where his shirts were done. His daughter asked him one time, "Isn't this a little much?" Dad answered and said, "This in not strange. Remember this day. When anyone gives you service you need to express appreciation."
- Gratitude comes form giving thanks.
- This begins in the head and takes it to the heart.
- Write down the tender mercies you see in your life and encourage your children to do the same.
"A third experience occurred while we were touring the Jamaica Kingston Mission in 2000. As we drove through a slum in Kingston, I saw graffiti written in large white brush strokes on a brick wall of a decrepit building. The message read, “Blessed are those who can give without remembering and those who can receive without forgetting.”
- This means no keeping score, especially with your spouse
A fourth experience happened in 1957 in Portland, Oregon, where I served as a young missionary in the Northwestern States Mission. Several of us were walking from the mission home to the mission office a few blocks away. As we walked, a car stopped abruptly, and a man jumped out and ran toward us asking, “Are you preaching the gospel of Brigham?” We started to reply, “We are missionaries from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,” when he handed us $9.00 and a box of saltwater taffy. Before we could give him back the money, he ran back to his car and drove away. We thought the experience was very unusual.
Some months later in a multizone conference, a missionary told about an experience he and his companion had while waiting at a bus stop. A man stopped his car, jumped out, and gave them $7.00 and a box of peanut brittle, then drove off. Another missionary related a similar experience while tracting in a suburb of Portland, this time with $14.00 and a box of chocolate mints. The pattern continued as one missionary after another told similar stories, each involving various amounts of money and different types of candy; in all instances, the man left before much discussion could ensue.
Finally, a missionary stood and told how he and his companion happened to know this man. As the elders were preparing to enter a bus station, a man, seeing they were missionaries for the Church, asked where they were going and if they needed a ride. Those being simpler and safer days, the missionaries accepted the offer and rode with him south through Oregon. During the course of that ride, their newfound friend gave them some money and candy, then told them this story:
In 1932 he had been young and unemployed because of the Depression. While crossing the United States as a vagrant looking for work, he ventured to a town in the northern part of the Great Plains. Since it was Christmas Eve and he had no place to stay, he decided to crawl under a bridge to spend the night out of the snow. He found there were two people already there—two young men in coats and ties and white shirts with some packages on their laps. They were LDS missionaries who had just been to the post office to pick up Christmas packages sent to them by their families. Being too excited to wait until they arrived home, they had decided to get out of the snow and see what their families had sent.
The missionaries invited the vagrant to join them under the bridge as they opened their packages. One of the missionaries received cookies and hand-knit gloves. The other received brownies, homemade candy, and a hand-knit scarf. As they sat under the bridge, they shared their treats with this man and then sang Christmas carols together. When the elders were ready to leave, they asked the man if he had a place to sleep. He told them he was used to staying outdoors and would be all right. They then said, “If you are going to stay here, you should take our cookies and brownies to eat as well as the scarf and gloves to keep you warm.” He protested, but they persisted, so he happily accepted the cookies, brownies, scarf, and gloves. The missionaries then left to go to their lodgings.
The man told the two missionaries he was giving a ride to in 1957 that he had never forgotten that experience and had resolved to never pass LDS missionaries without giving them whatever cash he had in his pocket. And inasmuch as he was at that time a wholesale candy salesman, he could also share samples of his wares. He told the missionaries he had been doing this for years and years. When they asked if he was a member of the Church, he said he was not because his wife objected to it. But he added that if she ever consented, he would be most interested in joining. For 25 years, he had been sharing with our missionaries. Who knows how long thereafter he continued to do the same."
HOMEWORK:
Write down 3 things you are thankful for. To give requires action. For these things you are thankful for you need to do something.- EXAMPLE: If you are thankful for food....Invite someone else to dinner, donate food to a food bank, sort food @ the Idaho food bank.
- EXAMPLE: If you are thankful for your home....Keep it cleaner, invite others in, FHE lesson with another family.
- EXAMPLE: If you are thankful for your family....Make a commitment to validate them more and write notes about specific reasons why you are thankful they are in your family.
- EXAMPLE: If you are thankful for the gospel...Read your scriptures more, Study the life of Christ before Christmas.
- This is doing more than saying "thank you". "Thanks-giving" requires you to "give" something because of what you are thankful for.
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