Marriage--Class #10 (Fall 2012)

MARRIAGE

This topic is one of the topics we as parents fail in preparing our children.  We don’t prepare them for marriage.  If we prepared them properly there would be less problems in marriage when they got married.  The divorce rate in the church is just about as much as there is outside the church. 

If you go to the church statistics, our youth are marrying later than they used to.  We all just hang out together, but they don’t have to be responsible to provide and take care of.  Our social structure is changing. 

We need to teach our children the doctrine of the family.  It is to create righteous families.  It’s an eternal purpose.  We are anxious to teach morality strong for the intent that they will be worthy to go to the temple, so they can marry a return missionary or a righteous pure young woman.  They can get married and be sealed for time and eternity.  That is the beginning not the end and we don’t teach them past that. 

Girls watch a lot of chick flicks.  They end when they get together.  They think the chick flick ending is how marriage is.  They just get along so well. 

HOMEWORK:  Read this article read it with a paper and pencil and write down a to-do list.  Agency & Love in Marriage Lynn Robbins October 2000 Ensign

Read the syllabus on marriage

Lynn Robbins “It is almost humorous to observe a young unmarried couple in love. After spending an entire day together, they are back together again on the phone that same night. It’s sheer torture for them to be separated. Even in their thoughts they can hardly focus on anything else. Love begins to disrupt their studies or work. Everything else in life becomes a nuisance and an interruption that keeps them apart until they can be together again. In their minds there was never, in the history of the world, a truer love than theirs. We call this level of premarriage intensity “infatuation.” 

High energy/low sleep.  Do you remember in that moment how much conscious effort to think about your ‘soon to be spouse’.  You get married and the first little while is awesome.  Then you realize there are quirks you didn’t bargain for. How long did it take you to see that marriage isn’t it all cracked up to be?

The first one is about 6 months in.  Then real life sets in.  5 years is the first real evaluation period.  You usually have 2 children and not much income.  You have lots of debt.  Sometimes you will start saying “I wonder what would have happened if I married Joe.  He’s a doctor and doing well.”  10 years is the next big hump.  You have 4 kids by then.  Your body isn’t the same as when you go married.  There are too many people at this stage that go on Facebook to see how other people are doing. 

Marry the person you love, but then in marriage fall in love with who you married.

“After they marry, this intensity tapers off. Living under the same roof, they each begin to discover a few peculiar idiosyncracies in the other that they had not seen before. Some of these are irritating. The infatuation begins to fade. Those who have confused infatuation for love begin to worry and wonder if they are falling out of love. “Where is that level of passion, the fire I had during courtship?” they may ask themselves. Their relationship is passing through a common stage and is at an important crossroad. If they believe they have fallen out of love, they may begin to drift apart.”

At this point we don’t want a divorce.  We have a family and we still love them, but it’s kind of an empty feeling.  I just feel lonely.  They are so busy and distracted.  We begin living parallel lives.  We live in the same home, but our lives no longer intersect.  We pass through.  We go through the agenda….who is picking up who.  He is doing his thing and you are doing your thing.   Mostly it’s parallel.  You are not seeking a divorce.  This isn’t a whole lot of fun. 

“There seems to be a superstition among many thousands of our young who hold hands and smooch in the drive-ins that marriage is a cottage surrounded by perpetual hollyhocks to which a perpetually young and handsome husband comes home to a perpetually young and ravishing wife. When the hollyhocks wither and boredom and bills appear the divorce courts are jammed. …  “Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed.” (Deseret News, 12 June 1973, p. A4.)”  What God Hath Joined Together, President Gordon B. Hinkley Ensign April 1991

Universal feeling of good people in good relationships.  We don’t give Satan credit for the impact in our life.  We look at blessing as say that is a tender mercy.  Usually what you will say is, “I am rotten wife.”  Or “If he would just help more, get off video games, pay more attention.”  Happiness is a condition that I will feel when it’s met.  That is not true.  Happiness is something that is in your heart and you are in charge of.

The adversary’s attacks upon eternal marriage will continue to increase in intensity, frequency, and sophistication.  We should consider the intent of our enemy in this latter-day war.  The Father’s plan is designed to provide direction for His children, to help them become happy, and to bring them safely home to Him. Lucifer’s attacks on the plan are intended to make the sons and daughters of God confused and unhappy and to halt their eternal progression. The overarching intent of the father of lies is that all of us would become “miserable like unto himself” (2 Nephi 2:27), and he works to warp the elements of the Father’s plan he hates the most. Satan does not have a body, he cannot marry, and he will not have a family. And he persistently strives to confuse the divinely appointed purposes of gender, marriage, and family.  Marriage Is Essential To His Plan World Wide Leadership Training February 2006 David A Bednar

Satan is actively at war on your marriage.  He causes you to stay in negative thought in the relationship.  If those become the core of your thought or if you simply withdraw without thinking about the relationship (silent treatment to the relationship).  Either way he wins.  He wins because he is keeping you from being anxiously engaged in building a happy relationship.

You are teaching your children that is what marriage is.  Now the next generation is self entitled, then the next generation gets the divorces.  Be an example of a good marriage. 

Your happiness is not dependent on them!   It is dependent on you and what you can do. 

Alma 32:37  (Parable of Marriage)

 37 And behold, as the tree (marriage) beginneth to grow, ye will say: Let us nourish it with great care, that it may get root, that it may grow up, and bring forth fruit unto us. And now behold, if ye nourish it with much care it will get root, and grow up, and bring forth fruit.

 38 But if ye neglect the tree (marriage), and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.

Neglect the marriage=too busy doing other things

Heat of sun=financial stress, busyness, children, illness

Then you pluck it up and cast it out (not necessarily a divorce-you are no longer entwined)

 39 Now, this is not because the seed marriage was not good, neither is it because the fruit (love) thereof would not be desirable; but it is because your ground (hear(t is barren, and ye will not nourish the  tree (marriage(, therefore ye cannot have the fruit (love) thereof.

Lynn Robbins--He sat on the committee of the church to have sealing cancellations.  Number one reason people were requesting divorce is because they were falling out of love.  Do you fall out of kindness?  No you don’t fall out of kindness.  If you don’t feel kindness it’s because you quit doing kind things.  If you are not feeling the feeling of love it is because you aren’t doing loving things.  The feeling is a byproduct. 

To be in love is that wonderful feeling.  To be in love is a commitment to do loving things.

Every day is a special occasion.

 “When obedience (marriage) ceases to be an irritant and becomes our quest, in that moment God will endow us with power.” Obedience Life’s Great Challenge Ezra T. Benson April 1998

“Let every mother understand that if she does anything to diminish her children's father or the father's image in the eyes of the children, it may injure and do irreparable damage to the self-worth and personal security of the children themselves. How infinitely more productive and satisfying it is for a woman to build up her husband rather than tear him down. You women are so superior to men in so many ways that you demean yourselves by belittling masculinity and manhood.” The Father Who Cares Ensign September 2006

If you roll your eyes.  “Your dad didn’t take out the garbage again.” 

Women you prick.  I didn’t actually say you were bad.  When our children feel that.  When we demean him we are not showing our spiritual sensitivity. 

How do you perk up your marriage?  There is a season in life, for you to do all these things that you are going to go back to that infatuation period you won’t.  That had something to do with being early 20’s and raging hormones on both sides.  Both of you are smarter and wiser and have more depth.  The relationship changes at 43 years is so different than the relationship you have at 5 years.  The annoyances and irritants don’t even matter anymore.  We want to look for things to help each other.  It is the attitude of caring.  It is that marriage is the quest.  If you do these things, don’t do it to buy that feeling.  It’s not coming back.  Something better will come. 

If you choose to do these things it is not in payoff mode.  It’s not about keeping score.  If you keep score it’s not a gift.  A gift has no strings attached.  It’s just a gift of the heart.  Take one of these and give it as a gift from the heart.

Some of you feel helpless and hopeless.  Start praying about it and have your heart changed to see them differently.  Then have the strength to do one of these things.  Maybe read his patriarchal blessing.

Pick at least one to do….

1.    You start to live the gospel better.  Pray with greater intent.  Pray gratitude for your marriage.  You need to soften your heart before you can bring the spirit to your marriage. 

“I suppose you would say it is a man’s viewpoint to throw a burden upon a woman to maintain the stability and the sweetness of marriage, but this seems to be her divine nature. She has a superior spirituality in the marriage relationship, and the opportunity to encourage, uplift, teach, and be the one who sets the example in the family for righteous living. When women come to the point of realizing that it is more important to be superior than to be equal, they will find the real joy in living those principles that the Lord set out in his divine plan” ( Teachings of Howard W. Hunter, 139). Eternal Marriage Student Manual

If Satan takes your gift of being superior spirituality he twists it into self righteousness.  When you use it to serve it will bless. 

2.     Value each other and appreciate the differences in your roles.  To learn to validate is to express in positives those things that are good.  You should be saying positives 15:1.  Get a whiteboard with dry erase markers hang it up in your bathroom.  Write something on that board that you admire about him.  99 positive things you can say.  Days of the month—30 days of things to do.  Do something every day. 

Couple that was married, went to a fireside.  Irritants in every marriage find out what it is and stop doing it.  Always left lid off the toothpaste.  He decided he would put the lid back on.  All week she never said a word.  He thought it didn’t bother her that much.  We need to talk.  She finally said, “Why haven’t you brushed your teeth all week.”

It takes effort to break a bad habit.

3.     Spend non-electric time together.  Make dinner together, go for a walk, shoot hoops, play volleyball, read a book together

4.    Learn your spouses love language.  Everyone doesn’t hear I love you the same way.  Languages: in the syllabus.  You need to figure out what your love language is.  We tend to express love in our language even if it isn’t their language.  You have to teach them what you need.  “For All Eternity” by John Lund   You can take an online test to figure out love languages at "The 5 Love Languages"

5.    Meet at the crossroads and touch.  There is nothing that will make your spouse or children feel better as they come and go during the day.  You meet at the door.  You put your arms around them and hug them and say I’m glad you are home.  You have to “go” to them.  Practice the 20-second kiss. 

6.    Be kind.  Be friends.  Treat your spouse like you treat your best friend.  You speak nicer to everyone else.  Share happy talk.  Be grateful.  Say please and thank you.  Don’t take offense where none is intended.  We will hold them accountable.  Do not gossip about your spouse to anyone.  Don’t tell your sister, mother, best friend what he did yesterday.  Smile!  Laugh in your home. 

7.    Take responsibility for your own emotional well-being.  Don’t blame a bad day on them.  Keep track of your cycle.  Know when it’s coming.  Stock up on the chocolate.  They are not responsible for your well-being.  Find people that make you happy.  You need positive input from other people.  We think it’s our spouses responsibility to make us happy and it’s our responsibility to make them good. 

8.    Avoid unreal expectations.  Stop comparing.  Don’t look back to you and don’t compare.  Those of you who read romance novels burn them!  That is not real life.  You come back to reality after you’ve read those and you are miserable.

9.    Learn to listen.  We listen with the intent to answer.  If we are having a conversation we try to turn it around to us.  Before you can turn it around or share your experience.  Then you have to ask 3 questions.  Ask questions that say I care about you. 

10. Remember this is an eternal relationship.  Pray together as a couple every night.  Go to the temple and renew in your own mind the covenants that you have made.  Pray in specifics that the Lord will show you how to serve your spouse.  Pray that the Lord will show you who your husband is.

I challenge you to light the fire in you so you can serve in gratitude your spouse. 

Teaching Children Work & Finances--Class #9 (Fall 2012 Semester)

Taught by Cory Tanner (Child#8)

There are a lot of principles you can focus on, but there are a few that his parents really knew well.  This is one that they really did well.

James E Faust  “Dear Are The Sheep That Have Wandered” April 2003 General Conference “An important element of doing the best we can as parents is to provide loving but firm discipline. If we do not discipline our children, society may do it in a way that is not to our liking or our children’s. Part of disciplining children is to teach them to work. President Gordon B. Hinckley has said: “One of the greatest values … is the virtue of honest work. Knowledge without labor is profitless. Knowledge with labor is genius.”

The Doctrine of Work:

Moses 4:23-25

And unto Adam, I, the Lord God, said: Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the fruit of the tree of which I commanded thee, saying—Thou shalt not eat of it, cursed shall be the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life.

Thorns also, and thistles shall it bring forth to thee, and thou shalt eat the herb of the field

By the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, until thou shalt return unto the ground—for thou shalt surely die—for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou wast, and unto dust shalt thou return.

Vs.23  Cursed be the ground for thy sake—learn through work.  It is for your good. 

“This is so painful”—sound like your kids and adults

Moses 5:1

And it came to pass that after I, the Lord God, had driven them out, that Adam began to till the earth, and to have dominion over all the beasts of the field, and to eat his bread by the sweat of his brow, as I the Lord had commanded him. And Eve, also, his wife, did labor with him.

This was after they were kicked out of the garden.  Adam began to till the earth and have dominion of the beast of the field.  Eve was to labor with him.

Moses 3:15

And I, the Lord God, took the man, and put him into the Garden of Eden, to dress it, and to keep it.

He had to work in the garden—after the creation.  Took the man to dress and keep the Garden of Eden.

Moses 3:2

And on the seventh day I, God, ended my work, and all things which I had made; and I rested on the seventh day from all my work, and all things which I had made were finished, and I, God, saw that they were good;

There was work in the creation.  On the 7^th day…ended work and rested from work. 

Work never ends!  Even God works.  Work is an eternal principle.  We are not racing to death so we can rest forever.  We are going to work forever.  He loves work.  Work is for our sake. 

David O McKay Improvement Era Dec 1967 pg 101

“Let us realize that the privilege to work is a gift.  The power to work is a blessing.  That love of work is success.”

We have to learn to love this.

As you read the following scriptures decide… “What does this have to do with work?”

D&C 88:124— Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.

Idleness can lead to these things.  The idle mind is the devils workshop.  Cease to sleep longer than is needful.  Make it a day do something.

D&C 42:42—Thou shalt not be idle; for he that is idle shall not eat the bread nor wear the garments of the laborer.

We can’t have the rewards if we don’t work.

D&C 75: 28-29—And again, verily I say unto you, that every man who is obliged to provide for his own family, let him provide, and he shall in nowise lose his crown; and let him labor in the church.

Let every man be diligent in all things. And the idler shall not have place in the church, except he repent and mend his ways.

We have an obligation to provide for our homes and our families.  We must be diligent in this pursuit. 

Mosiah 9:12— Now they were a lazy and an idolatrous people; therefore they were desirous to bring us into bondage, that they might glut themselves with the labors of our hands; yea, that they might feast themselves upon the flocks of our fields.

Read that in the perspective that your children are the “lazy and idolatrous people who glut themselves”

Mosiah 10:4-5— And I did cause that the men should till the ground, and raise all manner of grain and all manner of fruit of every kind.

 And I did cause that the women should spin, and toil, and work, and work all manner of fine linen, yea, and cloth of every kind, that we might clothe our nakedness; and thus we did prosper in the land—thus we did have continual peace in the land for the space of twenty and two years.

They prospered and had peace because they worked.

Helaman 6:11-13—And behold, there was all manner of gold in both these lands, and of silver, and of precious ore of every kind; and there were also curious workmen, who did work all kinds of ore and did refine it; and thus they did become rich.

 They did raise grain in abundance, both in the north and in the south; and they did flourish exceedingly, both in the north and in the south. And they did multiply and wax exceedingly strong in the land. And they did raise many flocks and herds, yea, many fatlings.

Behold their women did toil and spin, and did make all manner of cloth, of fine-twined linen and cloth of every kind, to clothe their nakedness. And thus the sixty and fourth year did pass away in peace.

Ether 10:22-28—And they were exceedingly industrious, and they did buy and sell and traffic one with another, that they might get gain.

 And they did work in all manner of ore, and they did make gold, and silver, and iron, and brass, and all manner of metals; and they did dig it out of the earth; wherefore, they did cast up mighty heaps of earth to get ore, of gold, and of silver, and of iron, and of copper. And they did work all manner of fine work.

And they did have silks, and fine-twined linen; and they did work all manner of cloth, that they might clothe themselves from their nakedness.

And they did make all manner of tools to till the earth, both to plow and to sow, to reap and to hoe, and also to thrash.

 And they did make all manner of tools with which they did work their beasts.

And they did make all manner of weapons of war. And they did work all manner of work of exceedingly curious workmanship.

 And never could be a people more blessed than were they, and more prospered by the hand of the Lord. And they were in a land that was choice above all lands, for the Lord had spoken it.

They were blessed not because they had stuff, but because they worked.  We need to disconnect ourselves from the idea that happiness comes from the stuff we are surrounded by, but has more to do with what is happening around us when we were working.  They weren’t excessive.  They did get all of these things, but it is because they worked for it.  

D&C 107:99-100— Wherefore, now let every man learn his duty, and to act in the office in which he is appointed, in all diligence.

He that is slothful shall not be counted worthy to stand, and he that learns not his duty and shows himself not approved shall not be counted worthy to stand. Even so. Amen.

Another exercise—take a section of scriptures and write down all the words that indicate effort—diligent, story, prayer.

If we have a testimony of work we want to get up and do it.

Money doesn’t just doesn’t come off the money tree.  We can have things, but they have to come from the work. 

We have moved as a society where everyone is working in order to survive.  We have moved to where we can sit at a cubicle and someone gives us a paycheck.  We can survive with the paycheck.  We don’t have that physical labor.  There is good that can come from that physical working.

David H Burton “The Blessing of Work” Ensign December 2009 “One of parents’ most important responsibilities is to teach their children to work. Even young children can begin to experience the benefits of working when they are involved in household chores and in service to others. Wise parents will work alongside their children, will provide frequent praise, and will make sure no task is overwhelming.”

Look at advertising.  How many ads does a child consume?  400 ads per day.  That was a few years ago.  That number is higher now.  If someone is preaching to my child 400x a day what is it that they are learning? 

Things children learn from ads:

They learn to be consumers – “I want” mentality. 

I need these shoes because 3 other kids have them.

Learn that impulses should not be denied. 

Pain should not be tolerated. 

If it’s hard you shouldn’t have to do it.  If it’s painful there is a remedy for that. 

You should not have to endure pain. 

Life is not about pain.  Vs…sweat of thy face, toil, labor work, thorns, thistles.  As I get older it is harder to physically work.

The cure for pain is a product. 

Not get off your behind and go to work.  Not be productive with your work. 

Mix of dissatisfaction and entitlement. 

They are entitled to everything their friends have and everything you as a grown up have.  They are also entitled to everything you give.  They demand our time…100% attention divided between 3 other kids, husband, dog, and chickens.  Our nation as a whole is becoming this way too.  What can they do for me.  We progressively move towards a complete entitlement.  Watch 10 minutes of TV the messages that come across is that everyone deserves to have everything no matter what the efforts they put towards it. That’s not true! This is contrary to the doctrine of self-reliance.  Then when pain happens we shouldn’t have to feel pain.  “You help me and do it now because I’m uncomfortable.” “Dad, I’m uncomfortable. You need to help me and you need to help me right now.”  There was no free food or gas for Adam and Eve.  “How come they get it and I don’t.”  Equality among all the kids.  Socialism among our children. 

Learn to rely on false sources of happiness and contentment. 

Players quit to go deer hunting 11/6/97

The Associated Press

LAGUNA, N.M. (AP) - Five football players in this tiny town are going hunting for deer instead of athletic glory.

The Laguna-Acoma High School teammates quit just before the state playoffs, which on Saturday pit Laguna-Acoma (4-5) against the Dexter Demons (9-1).

``They're going deer hunting. We're going Demon hunting,'' Laguna-Acoma's flabbergasted coach Dan Sanders said.

``I've never seen anything like this,'' Sanders said Tuesday. ``They have the rest of their lives to go hunting. This may be the only chance they ever have to go to the playoffs.''

Junior fullback Kalvin Roughsurface, the team's leading rusher, said it was ``a very easy decision'' to leave. ``Hunting is fun,'' he said.

Our kids will leave whatever is hard or painful to do whatever is fun.  Regardless of the consequences and thinking through the benefits. 

You approach kids differently at different stages.

Children Ages 3-5

Thrive on approval

Ability is low

Desire is high

Work with them

Stop what you are doing

Get them involved

It won’t be perfect

Sometimes you need to put aside the piles and teach them to work.  There are things that we have to plow through and get done.  Do things with them. 

Folding the laundry.  Early on it is a crumpled ball.  This looks good to him because he is working and doing it.  He is now 5 ½.  He is learning to do it a little bit better.  He has to work on it harder.  It doesn’t matter.  If they thrive on praise and you say, “That is a crumpled ball” it will defeat them.  It won’t encourage them.

Visuals count.  Job charts with lamination and Velcro.  He could choose meal.  Pictures for everything. 

My Mom (Sister Tanner) spent 4 hours a day doing job lists for kids.  She was dreaming up things like dusting floor boards.  I remember doing it the day before.  He remembers those pictures on his job list and was excited to cross them off and take them to Mom. 

Most of the time we as parents aren’t willing to put forth the time, but we want them to just work. 

How do we help them with the attitude of work?  Reverse the order…friends are a reward, not playing with friends first then calling them in to work. Then when we’re done working it will be happen sooner.

8 Tips to Teaching Children to Work. (handout)

Patted baby on head as he walked by and said, “Enjoy being the baby.  It won’t last long.”

Children Ages 6-11

Industry and Identity

Focus on work

Long lists of jobs

Unique and out of the ordinary jobs

Work because it helps the family

Contribution to the family.

Their work becomes part of who they are.  Look at this…this is what I have done.  It becomes part of their identity.  They want to do and accomplish different things.  Draw that connection that they are a contributor to the family.  A 3 year doesn’t care about that, but 6-11 do.  They want to be part of the family. 

Your kids don’t need your help every day on every job.  They are capable.  You need to pull away and allow them to be more independent. 

Make bed—we are really going to learn how to do this.  Jake you are very capable of making this bed.  I’m going to help you, but I’m not going to do it for you.  I don’t know if I would do it exactly the same way.  I coached him through it.  Timing is also everything.  Make them work past comfort.  20 minutes to make that bed.  Corner by corner.  No wrinkles.  That was not the standard that was ok.  Sometimes you have to guide your kids piece by piece. 

We had to break up the job because it was too big. 

We start at age 2 and give them everything and help with everything.  For the sake of teaching them to work.

Make bed

Make room

Clean bathroom—toilet, mirror, cupboard

Sweep kitchen

Empty dishwasher

Homework

Practice letters

Practice piano

Get the mail

Play fetch

Feed the chickens

Expect more out of your kids! 

Work beyond comfort!  You are not teaching them anything if it is still comfortable.

Mom was great about giving us 2 lame choices and then they had to pick one.   I was on his side.  It’s not me against you.  We are all trying to make this happen.  Let’s work hard together to get it done.

There is satisfaction that comes from work.  You just do this because our family does this.  We teach our kids the value of appreciating work for works sake. 

We need to balance work with playing hard.  Mom & Dad are also good for fun as well as work.

3 yr old perfectionist…has a meltdown because her job doesn’t look like her Mom’s.  “You are frustrated.  I know you want yours to look like me.” Coach them step by step.  Treat each child uniquely. 

“Your best was good enough for me.”  Be careful using this on all children because sometimes they will say it’s their best and not put forth any more effort.

Question:  How do you prevent a revolution when they have to work harder?  How do you raise the bar without fury? 

Answer: You will get it at first.  That is an expression of the discomfort and pain. 

You need to know what you want to do and how you want it done.  

We don’t look for the work that needs to be done.  Look outside of yourselves.  You should find service.  Do a monthly service project.  “Live for others” Service Motto.  Talk about things we have done for other people. 

Teaching Finances:

Needs vs. wants (think of a triangle with the small point to the top).  These items are from the bottom to the top.

Needs—paying tithes and offering, home/utilities, food clothing transportation, education, mission, recreation, toys

We teach it backwards.  He only gets 10% on wants.  Why do we invert the triangle? When they get out into the real world they don’t know how to handle only getting a smaller amount for recreation.

Regular Responsibilities, but we give them additional opportunities for them to earn money.  Provide opportunities, help them through it, and teach them. 

His son lost his brand new shoes in the dirt pile next door.  He had to do 10 pay jobs…$1 each or wear his Sunday shoes to school.  Move the pile of weeds, hands and knees to mop kitchen, entry, and dining room, wash all baseboards, wash dining room windows, hose with the sprayer, clean off the driveway…

They have a capacity to do good work.  People do not expect enough out of their kids.  They don’t push them hard enough.  We can’t give our kids a false sense of what money can buy.  We do them a disservice by doing that.

What about allowances?  Is it free money or hard earned money.  Ask yourself if they are they a major contributor to the family?  That’s what allowances are for. 

Work is real, but there can be real blessings.  Your kids should have that satisfaction by seeing the fruits of their labors. 

HOMEWORK:  Come up with a service project that you can do for someone else that you don’t get paid for. 

Your kids will begin to appreciate the blessings that come from work, budgeting, and finances.

Service Project Idea!!

Sister Tanner's sister sent the following email to her.  If your family is looking for a service project you could work together to earn money to send gift cards to the mission president to help the Hurricane Sandy victims.

 

They could use gift cards in $25 dollar increments for Visa, Mastercard, American Express, Target, etc. (do not send cards for Walmart because the do not have them there). The missionaries can distribute these cards to the people they are helping. If any of you would like to help this is the address.

The cards should be sent to:

Attention: President Calderwood

85-69 60th Dr.

Elmhurst, NY 11373-5547