Gratitude--Class #8 (Fall 2012)

A lot of kids have a cocky attitude… “You can’t make me”.  There are a lot of problems with parents trying to deal with that. 

Parents give in and buy peace. 

What is it that we can best do with being an earlier age to be missionaries? (She asked her son who develops curriculum for the MTC) Teach them to obey the rules.  Too many parents give their children cell phones and then say keep in touch.  You have a cell phone I can call you.  The cell phone simply becomes logistics.  It is not rules.  It doesn’t say you have a curfew and you need to be doing responsibilities at home.  The cell phone then becomes this leash to free them from responsibility if they let you know their where-abouts.  Young people have no idea how to follow rules.  There are mission rules and then missionary couples are responsible for following the rules.  The success of their mission is on them obeying the rules.  When our children start giving us flack we give in.  We don’t set a very high bar. 

Number 1:  They learn that they do not have to follow rules.  They are above them.  They get this attitude that they are exempt from them.

Number 2: They never learn to do hard things.  They go to the level of least resistance. 

If you want them to go to higher ground you have to set the bar higher.  Within the church you will find people whose bar is not as high as you want the bar to be in your home.  Your children will use that against you.  You must be firm.  Don’t let them intimidate you because the bishop lets his kids stay out until midnight.  When they leave the child that has been taught to follow the rules and raise the bar they will be the successful missionary, wife, and mother.

Getting into the Celestial Kingdom is a pattern of following rules.  The theme in Satan’s kingdom is “do what’s fun”.  That is not the criteria for making judgements.  It is the ‘best’.  (Good, better, best). 

We need to do a better job of setting rules in love and maintaining them in love and teaching them how to follow rules and get out of themselves. 

“The distance between constant self-pleasing and self-worship is shorter than we think.   Selfishness is much more than an ordinary problem because it activates all the cardinal sins!”  “Put Off The Natural Man, and Come off Conquerer” Neal A Maxwell November 1990 Ensign

Selfishness, greed, pride, insensitivity, covetousness

Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but is the parent of all others.”

All attributes we desire (patience, love, kindness) all spring from gratitude.  The cardinal sins spring from selfishness.

Gratitude is not a suggestion.  It is a commandment. 

“Gratitude As A Saving Principle” President James E. Faust December 1996 pg 5  

“As gratitude is absent or disappears, rebellion often enters and fills the vacuum. I do not speak of rebellion against civil oppression. I refer to rebellion against moral cleanliness, beauty, decency, honesty, reverence, and respect for parental authority. A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness. It is an expression of humility. It is a foundation for the development of such virtues as prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, and well-being.”

If your children are rebellious and fighting with one another what are they lacking? Gratitude. 

President Ezra T. Benson on “Beware of Pride”

“Antidote to pride is humility.” 

The problem with humility is as soon as you think you are humble you are not humble.  It is elusive attribute.  We become humble as other attributes develop in us and it makes us humble. 

If we really want to become humble then what we seek is to be grateful.  Being grateful creates humility. 

We talked about service and the levels of service.  We can do a lot of service without being consecrated.  You cannot do service on the level of consecration without gratitude.  Gratitude sanctifies service.

The season of Christmas starts with Thanksgiving.  If we develop gratitude we prepare our hearts for the Christmas season.  We need to teach gratitude to our children.  This is more difficult to teach because it is a condition of the heart. 

You have to create experiences that help them feel gratitude.  You can’t force them to have gratitude any more than you can force them to have faith or a testimony.  You have to testify of gratitude.  They learn from your example and the experiences you have to be grateful.  Too often kids think if they say thank you they are grateful.  That is polite, but it doesn’t necessarily reflect the condition of the heart. 

How often have you watched a child open a gift and say thank you, but what’s next?  That’s the feeling.

D&C 59:7  (Commandment—essential to teach)

Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in ALL things.

Sunday night fireside—It was a tribute to one of the seminary teachers in the valley.  He was a big man, very yellow, delightful.  Brother Howell—this fireside was a tribute to him that is dying from pancreatic cancer.  He has lost over 100lbs.  He came in an hardly recognized him, but he still has the same smile.  At the end he stood up to make a few comments.  He was typical Brother Howell.  He had them all laughing and crying.  He was so positive.  Every day is a painful burden.  He could go any hour.  He said I am grateful for the things cancer has taught me.  He is 42.  He has little children.  He said in his patriarchal blessing he would overcome Satan.  Since he got cancer he has no more desire to do anything wrong.  Through this I have overcome Satan.  

That’s what the Lord means when he says give thanks in all things.  The saints had just gone to Winter Quarters.  If you are sad dance, sing.  If you don’t feel like it pray until you do and then do it.  Gratitude heals a broken heart. 

D&C 59:21

 And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments.

It’s living gratitude. That need to be where our heart is.

Alma 34:38

“Ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you.”

That is different than just saying thank you.  That is different than getting down on our knees and giving a prayer of only thanksgiving.  You want that to lead you to a condition of the heart and the way you live.

Think of someone who is happy no matter what and someone who is miserable no matter what.  The one that is grateful is the one that counts their blessings.  The one that is miserable is the one that counts their woes.  It is a choice.

This goes on your ponder pad.

James 2:17-18

Changing a word (faith=gratitude)

“Even so faith gratitude, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.  Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith gratitude, and I have works: shew me thy faith gratitude without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith gratitude by my works.”

That’s the difference between saying thank you and actually being thankful.  You are so thankful for what you have you desire to serve. 

The word thanksgiving is a combination of 2 things….thanks…giving.  In being thankful what do we do to show it. 

Write down 3 things you are thankful for.  Next to that write down what you can do to show you are grateful for those things.

If I’m grateful for food…invite someone over to eat, or take a meal to someone struggling, go to serve me

If I’m grateful for scriptures and teachings of the prophets…study more regularly, make a to-do list.

If I’m grateful for my home…make commitment to stop complaining about what I don’t have, find ways to keep in cleaner and spruce it up on a budget, show gratitude to husband.

If I’m grateful for my car…vacuum it.

Her Dad passed away a year ago.  He lived by her sister.  He told Marilee that he needed to run a few errands.  She had to take him. They went to See’s chocolates and bought 5-6lbs of chocolate and went to bank and gave chocolates, went to dry cleaners and gave chocolates, went to Albertson’s and gave box of chocolates to cashier. Marilee said you don’t need to do this. Dad got very serious and said, “No I need to always remember these people that served me and you need to always remember this day and do the same.”

Gratitude is the opportunity to have a personal moment with the Savior.  It changes me.

Story of 10 Leopers--You are forgiven of your sins.  Not only cleansed of leprosy, he was washed clean.  It was real gratitude.  That is what gratitude does for you. 

When spring comes many of you have a “day” of gratitude.  You are full of joy regardless of what is going on.  It needs to be that way in the worst days in January.  It’s not to do it in the easy times.  It’s to live that way.  It’s thoughts taking it to the heart.  You become that kind of person.

What can we do to help our children develop this attitude of gratitude?

Remember that your responsibility is to develop in you a grateful heart then create the environment for your children to be exposed to that.  Most of it has to do with how you look at life. 

Read 1 Nephi traveling in the wilderness.  Look at differences between Nephi & Laman/Lemuel.  One focuses on the Lord in gratitude and one focuses on self and “this isn’t fun.

1.    Avoid distractions that keep you from doing ought.  Don’t be so busy that you don’t have time to stop and be grateful.

2.    Don’t focus on your weaknesses.  Focus on your strengths and serve.

Gratitude comes as we remember the good from Heavenly Father.

“Remember Remember” President Eyring

You need to do something between now and Christmas to help them focus on “Receiving the King”.  That’s why the Christmas project she asked should be hard.  The completion creates gratitude. 

Ideas:

**Start next FHE start a Family Thankful book.  Similar to talk about “Tender Mercies”  Bednar.  You would record the gifts to you and your family until Christmas. Every person doesn’t need one every day, but you need to record one everyday.  Make this book nice so they want to contribute their part.  Let them sign it.

**Write a thank you letter to someone who has impacted your life or your children to someone who has impacted their life.  99% of the time they will not get feedback for this.  It’s not for them to get strokes for doing it.  It’s to do it because they are grateful.

Example:  Think of the people who have taught you and made a positive experience in your life.  Tell them by person, on the phone, or in a note.  Is there someone that I have never thanked.  A name and face popped into my mind.  Sister Mickelson..thanked her for being refined.  Touched a shoulder and held restless baby.  She was tom boy.  Every girl that grows up and will become a lady.  It was you that I looked up to.  I mailed the letter and then forgot about it.  I gave talk in sacrament meeting.  Then I found myself in a bear hug embrace when I realized it was President Mickelsen who rarely showed emotion.  Let me explain something.  My wife died a few weeks ago.  She was dying and feeling discouraged.  What have I ever done that I wasn’t assigned.  She read it and wept.  She kept it on the table to read every day until she died.  I can never thank you enough. 

Is there someone you could thank?  You would be surprised at how powerful these can be.  They are full of courage and lift other’s spirits. 

**Try with your children to have just a prayer of thanksgiving.  Don’t do it every prayer.  Have some experiences with it.  Prior to starting the prayer rehearse some of the things you are thankful for.  Pray prayers of greater thanksgiving.

The heart of gratitude changes you more than the list of gratitude.  You have to have the experiences to create the heart.  The list helps create that.

**She has daughter with little people at home.  She made paper tree trunk and put on wall of dining room.  They made leaves that were handprints.  They were colored paper.  They had a tree full of things they were thankful for.  It was in the dining room. 

**She had turkey and in the morning she would move it from room to room so the next day they had to find where the turkey went.  At night they had to say what they were thankful for in that room.  It’s teaching them to be grateful for little things. 

**Thankful Thad (scarecrow) find it and read scriptures there and family prayer.

It prepares the atmosphere in your home to receive the celebration in your home to receive the greatest gift ever received. 

Gifts of Galilee

By Sandi Gasparac 1994

Adam was five the year he changed my life forever. One grey afternoon in early. December, he burst breathlessly through the kitchen door and asked, "Mom, can I bring my friend over to have dinner with us tonight?" I paused and shifted my gaze from the nearly-empty bucket of thickening wallpaper paste.

"Tonight?"

"He won't care what we're having."

"Oh, Adam. Not tonight. I still have two rolls of border to put up before lean clean up. Daddy will be home at 5:30 and I haven't even thought about dinner yet. Tonight's really not a good night."

"He likes everything. His mom won't be home tonight." I stepped down from the ladder and gritted my teeth at the sensation of cold paste mixed with wallpaper trimmings and cracker crumbs adhering to the bottoms of my bare feet. I spotted the two remaining rolls of border, which had rolled under the kitchen table and were bonded together in a puddle of paste.

"Well, honey, I'm sure his family will see that he gets his dinner," I said, trying to indicate an end to the discussion.

"He doesn't have a family. He wants a brother and a dad, but he just gots a mom."

I stopped in my crawl under the table and turned to look over my shoulder at Adam standing in the doorway. He was already turning to go with a sad look of resignation on his little face. All too well he knew the tone in my voice that said it was useless to plead, that my mind was made up. A pang of guilt stabbed at my heart at the sight of the small hunched shoulders and the hands jammed dejectedly into his jeans pockets.

"Adam," I said in a sudden re.pentent rush, 'Tm just so busy tonight and everything is such a mess. Let's have your friend come to our house for dinner when we can make it more special--when the new wallpaper is up and the house is clean and I have time to make a really special ''Friend Dinner." Rekindled interest flickered in his big blue eyes.

"Okay. When~"

"Soon, honey. I promise, real soon." The hands came out of his pockets, the little shoulders squared and his childish smile warmed away the pain in my heart.

"Thanks mom!" And off he lurched, skipping all on one foot, his cornsilk hair parted and blowing back across his forehead. A moment after he had galloped out the doorway, his cherubic little face reappeared with eyes shining.

"And mom, he won't even care if the wallpaper isn't finished."

The rest of the evening, the innocence of Adam's parting comment stayed with me; as I finished hanging the rolls of border, as I cleaned up the pasty mess on the kitchen floor and later, as I stood· under the soothing, steamy spell of the pulsating hot water in the shower. As I washed and rewashed my hair, tugging bits of dried wallpaper paste from the soggy strands, it was as if I was trying to wash myself free of the subtle nagging guilt that still remained from our conversation. The holidays were such a busy time! Here I was, trying to give the house a little face lift so it would look nice to have our family over for holiday get togethers, and trying to make our limited budget cover the expenses that always spilled over what our estimates of them had been in October. I wanted the kids to have a good Christmas even if it meant skimping on a few other things we might have otherwise had or done. I just couldn't do everything. But then in the back of my mind I heard Adam's voice saying, "He won't care what we're having, He likes everything." I knew it wouldn't matter if it was a tuna sandwich or macaroni and. cheese.  was the one who had said let's wait until we could make it a big, special "Friend Dinner."

Mosiah 4 :26  And now, for the sake of these things which I have spoken unt02-that is, for the sake of retaining a remission of your sins from day to day; that you may walk. guiltless before God-I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants.

"I'm doing the best I can," I said aloud, as if begging understanding from the image of the child's face I held in my mind. And then I pushed it out of my thoughts to allow for the crush of things there was to do before Christmas.

A week went by. New snow dressed the streets and sidewalks. Colored lights blossomed across the city housetops and Christmas trees appeared in all the windows. I looked out the window where I stood, spreading brown sugar and marshmallows over the top of the sweet potatoes. The smell of turkey hung heavy and warm everywhere and glasses of cranberry juice sparkled in leaded crystal glasses on my beautifully set table. I sighed with contentment. Weren't the holidays just the best time of the whole year? Could anything be better than family and being together? I smiled as I watched Adam kicking the drifts of snow, sending the white fluff into powdered clouds above his head that glittered in the sunshine as they settled on top of his parka hood. When he finally came through the back door, his hair and eyebrows and lashes were covered with great white flakes. Those wonderful, shining eyes were wide with excitement.

''Mom! Look! " he said, as he tugged at a soggy note pinned to the front of his coat. "It's a note from my teacher. It says I'm supposed to be an elf in the Christmas program and I need a costume." I took the paper and read the simple instructions.

"Okay honey, we can start on this tomorrow. I'm sure there's something around here we can make an elf costume out of. But tonight daddy and I are having some special friends over for dinner, so I will need your help before they come." Suddenly Adam became very aware of the holly sprigged cherry pies cooling on the counter and the heavenly smell of the turkey wafting all about him. He was quiet for a moment and then said, "Oh ... .it's sort of like a "Special Friend" dinner?"

“Well, uh ... yes. I guess so," I said, seeing clearly the hurt behind his question. "How many special friends are coming?"

"There will be six."

“Oh. I just have one," he said and he walked out of the kitchen.

The next day was Saturday. Adam was helping me wipe the Froot Loops off the breakfast table when he suddenly said, ~'Mom, how much is a turkey?" Surprised, I replied, "Oh, about ten dollars, why?"

"How much is ten dollars?"

                         

"Well, if you did ten jobs and I paid you a dollar for every job you did, that would

be ten dollars, and that would be enough to buy a turkey."

"Do you got ten jobs?"

"I suppose I could find some."

It was nearly six o'clock when I put the finishing touches on the elf costume. Bells jangled from the tip of the pointed cap and cotton batting filled out the plump tummy.

A sash held in the fabric's fullness beneath the protruding stuffed belly, and the bright green jacket sported large black buttons down the front. I hadn't seen Adam since a little after 4:00 and the house was quiet. I made a quick survey of the main floor. The garbage can in the kitchen had been emptied and a new bag stretched lopsidedly into the can. I could see where a chair had been dragged across the kitchen floor to wipe off the countertops. There were still remnants of grape jelly smears on the white Formica, and most of the crumbs had fallen to the floor. On the table was a pile of jumbled underwear that looked like it had been folded by a very small boy. Beside it was an irregular stack of towels and five carefully wadded balls of dishcloths placed in a row along the edge of the table. The table had been set with plates and glasses and spoons. In the center of the table was a box of Captain Crunch and a bowl of mini marshmallows. At each place a half graham cracker had been carefully laid beside each spoon. I looked into the family room. One very large log had been brought in from the wood pile and placed on the hearth. The scattered newspapers had been stacked on the end table and Adam laid curled up asleep with a dust cloth and a can of Pledge on the floor in front of the television's late afternoon cartoons.

That was a lovely dinner that evening. As wonderful as the elegant dinner the night before with our friends. I· ate my Captain Crunch and marshmallows and never did a dinner taste so fine! As soon as we finished, Adam and I got into the car and drove to the supermarket to pick out a turkey. He deliberated at great length over his selection. He insisted on carrying it himself to the checkout stand, even· though his knuckles were frosty and his fingers turning white.

On the way home I expected him to ask me when I would cook the turkey and we could have his friend over for dinner, but he said nothing all the way home. When I pulled into the driveway and stopped the car, he lifted the frozen turkey from the car seat and carried it over to his wagon. Carefully placing the turkey in the middle of the wagon, he picked up the handle and turned towards the street.

"I will be right back, mom." I could do nothing but nod. I watched him disappear down the block, pulling the turkey behind him. As I stood there alone on the driveway watching the Christmas lights blink on in the neighborhood, a voice spoke to me

saying, ....

Matthew 18: 3-4

". .. Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

The next night was Adam's school Christmas program. He was elated with the elf

costume and insisted on wearing it in the car on the way to the school. He really did look quite authentic, with his straight soft bangs poking out underneath his jingling cap, and his brightly painted red cheeks and nose. Parents were filing into the cafeteria where folding chairs had been set up in neat rows. We sat towards the center behind a woman in an old tweed coat. I could tell from the shoulders, even from behind her that the coat was much too large. When she turned to glance over her shoulder and smile, I saw that the lapels lapped the wrong way for a woman's coat. She was surprisingly young. She had a gentle, tired face. She sat alone until the room was filled with parents and she was eventually sandwiched into the craning necks and shoulders of proud parents trying to get a good view of the small stage. The lights dimmed and the music began. Some reindeer pranced out and did ballet circles along the edge of the stage. They sprinkled snowflakes as they danced, preparing the way for Santa Claus. Santa entered with jingling sleigh bells as the piano vibrated with strains of "Jolly Old St. Nicholas." Santa called for the help of his elves in making the toys. The curtains parted, and out· danced four little elves .... no five little elves. There were four costumes, but five elves. There at the end of the line of dancing elves was Adam. The stuffing had been pulled from his tummy, and the green jacket with the black shiny buttons hung open to make room for another little boy inside his costume. Each boy had an arm in the jacket, with the other arm about his companion. Adam wore the belled cap and his little friend wore a cone shaped cap made of green construction paper. Adam's red cheeks were smeared from his chin to his eyebrows, but it was evident what had happened. His little friend wore identical smeared cheeks and they had obviously rubbed their noses together. They sang with the rest of the elves, performing the dance steps ackwardly, but with much gusto. They were having a wonderful time, there was no doubt. Neither Adam nor his little friend seemed the least bit intimidated and when their number was over they "high fiveed" each other with the arms they had in the jacket sleeves. The woman in front of us bowed her face into a tissue and wept.

After the performance, we found Adam lined up in the hallway waiting for us with punch and cookies. He looked apprehensive when I approached, as if he didn't know quite how he was going to be received. I knelt down beside him and put my arms around him and said, nyou are a wonderful dancer, Adam!" Tears welled up in his eyes and his chin quivered and he said, "Are-you mad, mom?"

"Mad? Why would I be mad, Adam?"

"Because I didn't wear my costume like I was supposed to ... because I put my friend in it with me and that made it not look right."

"No Adam. I'm not mad. But why did you do that?"

"Because he didn't have a costume. His mom couldn't get him one and he was supposed to be an elf too. So my teacher made him a hat and I told him he could just be part of me."

Matthew 25: 35-36,40

For I was an hungered and ye gave me meat; I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink; I was a stranger, and ye took me in;

Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison and ye came unto me.

And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

"Oh Adam!" I thought. "How close to the angels you are! You made him part of

you! That is the very gift the Saviour himself gave each of us--He made us part of Him through his loving sacrifice. That is Christmas, Adam. THAT is Christmas."

Suddenly at my elbow stood the woman in the ill-fitting tweed coat. "Are you Adam's mother?" she asked.

            "Yes."                                              

"I wanted to thank you for the lovely turkey! I was so overwhelmed at your kindness."

"Oh, the turkey was from Adam."

"I'm sure it was, but thank you just the same. It meant so much to us." I thought how much more it would have meant if she had known that it truly had been from Adam--just Adam.

"Mom, look what my friend made for me!" Adam held up a tiny box fashioned from a folded Christmas card. Inside was a single chipped cat's eye marble. "And he made it mom. He made it himself" He turned to his friend who glowed with pride.

"I have something for you too." I winced. Oh no ... what would Adam do? Fron his pocket he pulled a small crumpled piece of paper and handed it to his friend who had suddenly become very shy. Slowly the paper was unfolded to show the crayoned drawing of a stick figure. The face was topped with scribbles of yellow hair and Adam blue eyes were unmistakable.

"I know you want a dad and a brother for Christmas, so I decided to give you a brother—me!" The boys grabbed each other and pealed with laughter. "You can just share my dad."

Little could Adam understand the significance of his gift. To give oneself as a brother at Christmas, and to share the love of the Father of all men, are the greatest gifts the children of God can give to one another. These were the gifts of the very first Christmas, still given today by wise men. They were the gifts of Galilee, given by the Savior of the world Himself to all those who would humbly and thankfully receive then I vowed then to forever give these gifts of Galilee for Christmas.

John 13: 34

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

 

I challenge you through gratitude to the Savior, monitor your busyness so you can feel his love and share that gratitude with your family.

Take a marble and keep it where you can see it.  It was the gift that his friend gave Adam.  It is a reminder to be grateful.  When you have done an act of service out of pure gratitude you can put it away.   It is your reminder starting today, it is the season to grateful to the Savior.   It is reaching out and helping others.  It’s in gratitude and teaching our children to be grateful.  They will feel that joy.