There are a lot of principles you can focus on,
but there are a few that his parents really knew well. This is one that they really did well.
James E Faust
“Dear
Are The Sheep That Have Wandered” April 2003 General Conference “An
important element of doing the best we can as parents is to provide loving but
firm discipline. If we do not discipline our children, society may do it in a
way that is not to our liking or our children’s. Part of disciplining children
is to teach them to work. President Gordon B. Hinckley has said: “One of the
greatest values … is the virtue of honest work. Knowledge without labor is
profitless. Knowledge with labor is genius.”
The Doctrine of Work:
And unto Adam, I, the Lord God, said: Because
thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the fruit of
the tree of which I commanded thee, saying—Thou shalt not eat of it, cursed
shall be the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days
of thy life.
Thorns also, and thistles shall it bring
forth to thee, and thou shalt eat the herb of the field
By the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat
bread, until thou shalt return unto the ground—for thou shalt surely die—for
out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou wast, and unto dust shalt thou return.
Vs.23
Cursed be the ground for thy
sake—learn through work. It is
for your good.
“This is so painful”—sound like your kids and
adults
And it
came to pass that after I, the Lord God, had driven them out, that Adam began
to till the earth, and to have dominion over all the beasts of the field, and
to eat his bread by the sweat of his brow, as I the Lord had commanded him. And
Eve, also, his wife, did labor with him.
This was after they were kicked out of the
garden. Adam began to till the earth and
have dominion of the beast of the field.
Eve was to labor with him.
And I,
the Lord God, took the man, and put him into the Garden of Eden, to dress it,
and to keep it.
He had to work in the garden—after the creation. Took the man to dress and keep the Garden of
Eden.
And on the seventh day I, God, ended my work, and all things which I
had made; and I rested on the seventh day from all my work, and all things
which I had made were finished, and I, God, saw that they were good;
There was work in the creation. On the 7th day…ended work and
rested from work.
Work never ends!
Even God works. Work is an
eternal principle. We are not racing to
death so we can rest forever. We are
going to work forever. He loves
work. Work is for our sake.
David O McKay Improvement Era Dec 1967 pg 101
“Let us realize that the privilege to work is a
gift. The power to work is a
blessing. That love of work is success.”
We have to learn to love this.
As you read the following scriptures decide… “What
does this have to do with work?”
D&C
88:124— Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with
another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that
ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.
Idleness can lead to these things. The idle mind is the devils workshop. Cease to sleep longer than is needful. Make it a day do something.
D&C
42:42—Thou shalt not be idle; for he that is idle shall not eat the bread
nor wear the garments of the laborer.
We can’t have the rewards if we don’t work.
D&C 75: 28-29—And again, verily I say unto you, that
every man who is obliged to provide for his own family, let him provide, and he
shall in nowise lose his crown; and let him labor in the church.
Let
every man be diligent in all things. And the idler shall not have place in the
church, except he repent and mend his ways.
We have an obligation to provide for our homes and
our families. We must be diligent in
this pursuit.
Mosiah 9:12—
Now they were a lazy and an idolatrous people; therefore they were desirous to
bring us into bondage, that they might glut themselves with the labors of our
hands; yea, that they might feast themselves upon the flocks of our fields.
Read that in the perspective that your children
are the “lazy and idolatrous people who glut themselves”
Mosiah 10:4-5— And I did cause that the men should
till the ground, and raise all manner of grain and all manner of fruit of every
kind.
And
I did cause that the women should spin, and toil, and work, and work all manner
of fine linen, yea, and cloth of every kind, that we might clothe our
nakedness; and thus we did prosper in the land—thus we did have continual peace
in the land for the space of twenty and two years.
They
prospered and had peace because they worked.
Helaman 6:11-13—And behold, there was all manner of
gold in both these lands, and of silver, and of precious ore of every kind; and
there were also curious workmen, who did work all kinds of ore and did refine
it; and thus they did become rich.
They
did raise grain in abundance, both in the north and in the south; and they did
flourish exceedingly, both in the north and in the south. And they did multiply
and wax exceedingly strong in the land. And they did raise many flocks and
herds, yea, many fatlings.
Behold
their women did toil and spin, and did make all manner of cloth, of fine-twined
linen and cloth of every kind, to clothe their nakedness. And thus the sixty
and fourth year did pass away in peace.
Ether 10:22-28—And they were exceedingly industrious,
and they did buy and sell and traffic one with another, that they might get
gain.
And they did work in all manner
of ore, and they did make gold, and silver, and iron, and brass, and all manner
of metals; and they did dig it out of the earth; wherefore, they did cast up
mighty heaps of earth to get ore, of gold, and of silver, and of iron, and of
copper. And they did work all manner of fine work.
And they did have silks, and fine-twined
linen; and they did work all manner of cloth, that they might clothe themselves
from their nakedness.
And they did make all manner of tools
to till the earth, both to plow and to sow, to reap and to hoe, and also to
thrash.
And they did make all manner of weapons
of war. And they did work all manner of work of exceedingly curious
workmanship.
And never could
be a people more blessed than were they, and more prospered by the hand of the
Lord. And they were in a land that was choice above all lands, for the Lord had
spoken it.
They were
blessed not because they had stuff, but because they worked. We need to disconnect ourselves from the idea
that happiness comes from the stuff we are surrounded by, but has more to do
with what is happening around us when we were working. They weren’t excessive. They did get all of these things, but it is because
they worked for it.
D&C 107:99-100— Wherefore, now
let every man learn his duty, and to act in the office in which he is
appointed, in all diligence.
He
that is slothful shall not be counted worthy to stand, and he that learns not
his duty and shows himself not approved shall not be counted worthy to stand.
Even so. Amen.
Another
exercise—take a section of scriptures and write down all the words that
indicate effort—diligent, story, prayer.
If we have
a testimony of work we want to get up and do it.
Money
doesn’t just doesn’t come off the money tree.
We can have things, but they have to come from the work.
We have
moved as a society where everyone is working in order to survive. We have moved to where we can sit at a
cubicle and someone gives us a paycheck.
We can survive with the paycheck.
We don’t have that physical labor.
There is good that can come from that physical working.
David H
Burton “The Blessing of Work” Ensign December 2009 “One of
parents’ most important responsibilities is to teach their children to work.
Even young children can begin to experience the benefits of working when they
are involved in household chores and in service to others. Wise parents will
work alongside their children, will provide frequent praise, and will make sure
no task is overwhelming.”
Look at
advertising. How many ads does a
child consume? 400 ads per day. That was a few years ago. That number is higher now. If someone is preaching to my child 400x a
day what is it that they are learning?
Things children learn from ads:
They learn to be consumers – “I want”
mentality.
I need
these shoes because 3 other kids have them.
Learn that impulses should not be denied.
Pain should not be tolerated.
If
it’s hard you shouldn’t have to do it.
If it’s painful there is a remedy for that.
You should not have to endure pain.
Life
is not about pain. Vs…sweat of thy face,
toil, labor work, thorns, thistles. As I
get older it is harder to physically work.
The cure for pain is a product.
Not
get off your behind and go to work. Not
be productive with your work.
Mix of dissatisfaction and entitlement.
They
are entitled to everything their friends have and everything you as a grown up
have. They are also entitled to
everything you give. They demand our
time…100% attention divided between 3 other kids, husband, dog, and
chickens. Our nation as a whole is
becoming this way too. What can they do
for me. We progressively move towards a
complete entitlement. Watch 10 minutes
of TV the messages that come across is that everyone deserves to have
everything no matter what the efforts they put towards it. That’s not true!
This is contrary to the doctrine of self-reliance. Then when pain happens we shouldn’t have to
feel pain. “You help me and do it now
because I’m uncomfortable.” “Dad, I’m uncomfortable. You need to help me and
you need to help me right now.” There
was no free food or gas for Adam and Eve.
“How come they get it and I don’t.”
Equality among all the kids.
Socialism among our children.
Learn to rely on false sources of happiness and
contentment.
The
Associated Press
LAGUNA,
N.M. (AP) - Five football players in this tiny town are going hunting for deer
instead of athletic glory.
The
Laguna-Acoma High School teammates quit just before the state playoffs, which
on Saturday pit Laguna-Acoma (4-5) against the Dexter Demons (9-1).
``They're
going deer hunting. We're going Demon hunting,'' Laguna-Acoma's flabbergasted
coach Dan Sanders said.
``I've
never seen anything like this,'' Sanders said Tuesday. ``They have the rest of
their lives to go hunting. This may be the only chance they ever have to go to
the playoffs.''
Junior
fullback Kalvin Roughsurface, the team's leading rusher, said it was ``a very
easy decision'' to leave. ``Hunting is fun,'' he said.
Our kids will leave whatever is hard or painful to
do whatever is fun. Regardless of the
consequences and thinking through the benefits.
You approach kids differently at different stages.
Children Ages 3-5
Thrive on approval
Ability is low
Desire is high
Work with them
Stop what you are doing
Get them involved
It won’t be perfect
Sometimes you need to put aside the piles and
teach them to work. There are things
that we have to plow through and get done.
Do things with them.
Folding the laundry. Early on it is a crumpled ball. This looks good to him because he is working
and doing it. He is now 5 ½. He is learning to do it a little bit
better. He has to work on it
harder. It doesn’t matter. If they thrive on praise and you say, “That
is a crumpled ball” it will defeat them.
It won’t encourage them.
Visuals count.
Job charts with lamination and Velcro.
He could choose meal. Pictures
for everything.
My Mom (Sister Tanner) spent 4 hours a day doing
job lists for kids. She was dreaming up
things like dusting floor boards. I
remember doing it the day before. He
remembers those pictures on his job list and was excited to cross them off and
take them to Mom.
Most of the time we as parents aren’t willing to
put forth the time, but we want them to just work.
How do we help them with the attitude of
work? Reverse the order…friends are a
reward, not playing with friends first then calling them in to work. Then when
we’re done working it will be happen sooner.
Patted baby on head as he walked by and said, “Enjoy
being the baby. It won’t last long.”
Children Ages 6-11
Industry and Identity
Focus on work
Long lists of jobs
Unique and out of the ordinary jobs
Work because it helps the family
Contribution to the family.
Their work becomes part of who they are. Look at this…this is what I have done. It becomes part of their identity. They want to do and accomplish different
things. Draw that connection that they
are a contributor to the family. A 3
year doesn’t care about that, but 6-11 do.
They want to be part of the family.
Your kids don’t need your help every day on every
job. They are capable. You need to pull away and allow them to be
more independent.
Make bed—we are really going to learn how to do
this. Jake you are very capable of
making this bed. I’m going to help you,
but I’m not going to do it for you. I
don’t know if I would do it exactly the same way. I coached him through it. Timing is also everything. Make them work past comfort. 20 minutes to make that bed. Corner by corner. No wrinkles.
That was not the standard that was ok.
Sometimes you have to guide your kids piece by piece.
We had to break up the job because it was too
big.
We start at age 2 and give them everything and
help with everything. For the sake of
teaching them to work.
Make bed
Make room
Clean bathroom—toilet, mirror, cupboard
Sweep kitchen
Empty dishwasher
Homework
Practice letters
Practice piano
Get the mail
Play fetch
Feed the chickens
Expect
more out of your kids!
Work beyond comfort! You are not teaching them anything if it is
still comfortable.
Mom was great about giving us 2 lame choices and
then they had to pick one. I was on his
side. It’s not me against you. We are all trying to make this happen. Let’s work hard together to get it done.
There is satisfaction that comes from work. You just do this because our family does
this. We teach our kids the value of
appreciating work for works sake.
We need to balance work with playing hard. Mom & Dad are also good for fun as well
as work.
3 yr old perfectionist…has a meltdown because her
job doesn’t look like her Mom’s. “You
are frustrated. I know you want yours to
look like me.” Coach them step by step.
Treat each child uniquely.
“Your best was good enough for me.” Be careful using this on all children because
sometimes they will say it’s their best and not put forth any more effort.
Question: How
do you prevent a revolution when they have to work harder? How do you raise the bar without fury?
Answer: You will get it at first. That is an expression of the discomfort and
pain.
You need to know what you want to do and how you
want it done.
We don’t look for the work that needs to be done. Look outside of yourselves. You should find service. Do a monthly service project. “Live for others” Service Motto. Talk about things we have done for other
people.
Teaching
Finances:
Needs vs. wants (think of a triangle with the
small point to the top). These items are
from the bottom to the top.
Needs—paying tithes and offering, home/utilities,
food clothing transportation, education, mission, recreation, toys
We teach it backwards. He only gets 10% on wants. Why do we invert the triangle? When they get
out into the real world they don’t know how to handle only getting a smaller
amount for recreation.
Regular Responsibilities, but we give them
additional opportunities for them to earn money. Provide opportunities, help them through it,
and teach them.
His son lost his brand new shoes in the dirt pile
next door. He had to do 10 pay jobs…$1
each or wear his Sunday shoes to school.
Move the pile of weeds, hands and knees to mop kitchen, entry, and
dining room, wash all baseboards, wash dining room windows, hose with the sprayer,
clean off the driveway…
They have a capacity to do good work. People do not expect enough out of their
kids. They don’t push them hard
enough. We can’t give our kids a false
sense of what money can buy. We do them
a disservice by doing that.
What about allowances? Is it free money or hard earned money. Ask yourself if they are they a major
contributor to the family? That’s what
allowances are for.
Work is real, but there can be real
blessings. Your kids should have that
satisfaction by seeing the fruits of their labors.
HOMEWORK:
Come up with a service project that you can do for someone else that you
don’t get paid for.
Your kids will begin to appreciate the blessings
that come from work, budgeting, and finances.
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