Red & blue are both really strong personalities.
Red will fight because they are right.
Blue will fight because it's the Lord's way and it's right.
The children at the highest risk for problems with immorality are yellow & red. Yellow because they follow the crowd and want to be liked. Red because if you set too many rigid rules they will defy you just to prove they are in control.
Blues are the ones you have to worry about the least. They want to do what's right. They are prone to guilt if they don't do what's right.
White parents are permissive
Red parents are bossy.
Yellow parents forget to teach.
Blue parents talk too much.
You have it within your power to break the spirit of your white child. They quit. You need to deal with them with kindness & gentleness. Once they quit it's hard to get them moving agian.
If you are a red parent and have a red child be careful that you aren't so strong you drive a wedge in between you. Reds move you just have to keep them moving in the right direction.
Take one child per day this week. Watch them. Study them. Go back to the syllabus and figure out how to parent them. Write it down and keep it in a notebook. See if you think they follow the syllabus. Make it a discovery day for that child. You need to be spiritually emotionally in tune on that day for that child. Learn about them. Fall in love with them all over again. Do it with prayer!
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Sister Tanner said that she would like to see more posting and "interaction" on the blog. She is willing to answer questions that are posted here.
Tell us about the "rainbow" colors in your family, your color, boys/girls and ages, and which one is your biggest challenge right now.
9 comments:
I am a blue/red with no yellow. My spouse is a white/blue spouse, but a very red parent. I have a 12yo red son, a 12yo white/yellow son, a 8yo red daughter, and a 3 week old baby daughter.
My spouse and my red 12yo son go head-to-head all the time. My biggest struggle is with my 12yo white/yellow son. I can't get him interested in anything. My 8yo red daughter is really pushing the limits right now, but I think it's because she was just "replaced" as the baby of the family and she is trying to adjust to that. We have a lot of fireworks at our house with all the strong personalities.
My red son and my white/yellow son both have to be parented completely differently even though they are twins. They approach all situations and tasks differently. My red son wants everything to be "fair" and doesn't understand why my expectations and instructions are different for my white/yellow son.
I am having such a fun time labeling everyone I know with a color. When someone voices how they are frustrated with a child or friend or colleague, I can guess the colors they are and help put situations into perspective for those people. Although, I still have a hard time applying it in my own home. My little ones are all too little to place a specific color but I get bits and pieces from them that I can classify.
I am a Blue...but in some situations back off to a white. My husband is a red. My five year old is a very strong personality but is super sensitive which makes me want to put him as a blue, but I think mostly he is a red. My 3 year old tends to be more yellow/white. Happy all the time, loves to create stories but wont complete tasks he is assigned to unless accompanied by me. But then again he is only 3 and lives in la la land.
It has been helpful to be able to respond to normal everyday scary situations in a different light. Now that I am aware what the needs are for my strong willed boy and my la la land boy I have been able to react to fit their needs. I still need a lot of practice though.
I already added a comment for this week, but wanted to add one to the 4 Legs of the Table class. I'm adding it here in case people are more likely to read it if it is a current post. I made a comment that I think some people couldn't hear. If you are not sure how to implement scripture study for small children or any age for that matter, the church's manual Teaching No Greater Call has wonderful ideas. It teaches that our children need to see us physically reading from the scriptures, but it gives ideas for helping them understand what we are reading.
We were asked at our last Stake Conference to memorize the Book of Mormon scripture mastery scriptures. I thought my 7, 5, 3, and 1 year old children were too young. We have downloaded scripture mastery songs and even my three year old can sing them. He has learned five songs so far. He still needs help, but I have been blown away by what my kids can remember. Even though it seems impossible for them to learn anything from the scriptures it really isn't. Children's abilities to learn are far greater than I had ever realized.
I tried to add a comment earlier (my last comment says I already added it) but it actually didn't go through so I get to write it again!
I have learned that my 7 year old is a blue/yellow. I have the hardest time getting along with her because I am a blue/red and we both want the control and neither of us wants to do the listening. My 5 year old yellow/red and I get along easily. I think it is because he gets mad for a second and then is over it whereas my blue daughter will fight for a really, really long time. My 3 year old is very difficult to read. He could go either way. I'm thinking he is a blue or red because he wants all the control as well. I think my 1 year old will be a white. He was born calm and quiet. I can't wait to find out what they will become because it helps me find positive ways to discipline them.
I just finished my self-analysis right now. It has taken me a long time and I know it will be an ongoing thing. I have a lengthy to do list but I have been reading my to do list each morning to help me focus before I start the day. I would normally have a list of don't do's but I have been working on not being preoccupied with the negative and writing lists of things that I can do.
I'm excited that Sister Tanner accidentally said she would answer any question! I have thought of a couple question that I think many of us need answered. 1) How did you change yourself while being pregnant so many times one right after the other? When I am pregnant I revert back so quickly to being a mother who solves every problem with yelling. I get tired and don't feel like I have any energy to work on myself at all because I am only able to meet the basic needs of my family (if even that). How did you keep moving forward while you were pregnant? 2) Sometimes I implement rules and then find out that they aren't rules that I can enforce? Will it ruin my children to keep changing the rules until we find a good way to implement them? Many of these rules are in place to help me maintain some order at home. Does this teach them that I'm not keeping my word? There are many rules I think I should change but I don't because I don't want to send mixed messages. Does this make any sense? If not, I can send an example. Thanks! Hilary
Question #1 Answer: When you are pregnant it is really hard to keep going. It is especially hard when you have morning sickness. I had morning sickness quite badly for the first four months and it was hard just to keep moving some days. The more children you have the harder it is to keep up the family and just keep yourself going. I found the answer for me was to really look at my life and simplify. I had to give myself credit that I was creating a baby and that was part of the daily tasks I had to do. It is very hard to try to change in major ways your parenting style during those months because your emotional energy is low. Remember it is just a time to change percentages. Look often at your other children and love them! Give yourself permission to slow down and let some things go. I found that as my other children got a little older, I would increase their responsibilities around the home. They picked up a lot of the slack that I was not able to do. Also I had to be careful to not think "when the baby gets here then I will......". After the baby is born I think it still takes a couple of months to get your hormones back in order, get sleep back on track and get the schedules of new baby and other children figured out. The thing that I learned most was that I needed to focus less on how I was feeling, either sick or tired or crabby, and focus more on what I needed to be doing. The more I would focus out, the more I would get done and the better I would feel. The bottom line, children are very resilient! You can make a lot of mistakes while you are pregnant and they will forget them and forgive you if they know that you love them.
Sister Tanner
Question #2 Answer: This really is a great question! I think that when we have a lot of rules we get lost in trying to keep them all. Children get discouraged at always being in trouble for breaking the rules. I think a home should have a few rules that are firm, for example not dating until you are sixteen. We had a firm rule about what time curfew was. But I think mostly we need to be teaching our children principles not rules. Principles are tied to the teachings of Heavenly Father and we obey them because we love Him and have a desire to be good. That means that the teaching we do in our home has to be Christ-centered and not just a list of family rules. If you do have a lot of rules in your home, you should not feel badly to change them if they are not working. The changes need to come in a family home evening and presented in a teaching way. Explain to the children that you no longer think this is a good rule and tell them why. Let them know what your expectations are of them but it does not necessarily need to be governed by a rule and a punishment.
Sister Tanner
I am loving the challenge of making our children feel as though they are our favorite... I have even included my husband in that idea. ;) It has encouraged me this week to find the little things to show my love and appreciation to them both.
I am a family counselor who specializes in children and teens and have taken and even had to teach several parenting classes myself....but I have found that there always seems to be something missing... However, this class is by far my most favorite parenting class I have ever taken. It includes the gospel and it is taught by the spirit which is what makes it so complete.
Thank you Sister Tanner so much for continuing to teach and inspire us! -Cristi
I just got the color code book from the library and chose to take the full test. I was in a very different mood while taking it, and I felt like I gave completely different answers to the questions. Surprisingly, I still turned out to be a blue-yellow!
I asked my husband what he thought I was. He said I'm a red parent who wants to be a blue parent, and that I'm a white spouse. I didn't think I had much white in me, but I realized after our conversation that all of my white is directed towards our relationship. And ALL of my red is directed towards my kids! Those two aspects of my life take up most of my day . . . yet I'm still a blue yellow. Strange.
Sister Tanner,
Who is that child that you always talk about, who has the MOST amazing kids, and is your favorite child? (Didn't you say her name was Tracy? Don't worry. I won't tell anyone - and not very many people follow this blog anyway - so your secret is safe with me.)I remember you said that you were a BLUE, and would answer our questions - so please answer the question............and don't lie!
Anonymous
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