Traditions--Class #3 (Fall 2012)

TRADITIONS:

It is a lot broader than you think it is. 

HOMEWORK:  New page for Traditions on the blog.  If you want to put a picture with your tradition.  Email it to Andrea.  She can post them there.  If you don’t have picture just post to the comments.  Pictures are powerful. 

She came from family without traditions.   Mike came from a family without traditions.  They wanted traditions.  Picked up ideas from Relief Society or sharing with others. 

What was purpose of motto, flag…it creates purpose for your family.   Tie rebar then pour concrete.  Traditions are the rebar.  It keeps them tied together and strong.  They want to come back and continue to share.  You tied the family together with something that was strong.  

There is nothing stronger than a memory that binds the family.  Traditions are binding moments that tie your children to something.

Dr. Robinson……(radio broadcast)  When I interview kids who are in trouble with the law…what does your family stand for.  Most cannot.  If I talk with kids who have  a strong family bond, most can say…we are Jewish, father or mother does this or that.  It has value for them.  Kids must have that.  We don’t stand alone in life.  

If you have families that pass through home, when they are teenagers and plugged into something, they aren’t bonding with family.  You have to create something that bonds family together.  It solidifies family. They need the memories and strength they will find in your home. 

Patch Adams…..There are so many influences on children these days.  1.  Try to have a vibrant relationship with spouse.  Set a good example for children.  I think if they let their creative aspect fly, the kids will see that passion.  If parents are overwhelmed with life their kids will see that too.   

Tanner 1:1  Tell your face you are happy.   

Sing with them.  You yellows do it all the time.  Your homes are really fun….not real ordered, but fun.  Blues have very structured ordered homes and you will behave right.  You are so boring.  It is almost a sin to have fun.  J  We need to mesh the 2.  We need green homes.  We need the order and the fun.  In the fun (traditions). 

Tradition:  Sister Tanner showed a picture of her 5 boys at the top of Mt. Borah after they had climbed it.  Climbed Mt. Borah every year.  Dad took picture.  Mom not in the picture. 

 If you are not in the picture you aren’t in the memory.   If you want family to bond the whole family has to be in the picture.  Memories are made from pictures.  It may not be a physical picture.  When you recall a special moment in life it is a picture in your mind.  Think about creating pictures that will last in the heart.  

Your digital pictures always sit.  They aren’t doing much good.  Use the pictures!  On Sunday afternoon create a slideshow, pull in some activities and get those pictures running.  Have them running all the time.  You have to create an event where they bring up those memories and relive the picture.  They need to do “remember whens”.  DVD of pictures.   You have to play them.

Class member shared…did digital pictures.  Her soft heated daughter told her that, sometimes I cry when I look at our photobooks.  Shutterfly will just auto fill the book.  You upload the pictures and tell it autofill.  Really fast.  Really easy.  www.shutterfly.com

That would be a great thing to do on the birthday…book about them with pictures.. 

There are several kinds of traditions.  Look at your life and home and be sure you have traditions in each area. 

1.  Daily Traditions
2. Family Traditions
3. Holiday Traditions
4. Once in a Lifetime Traditions

You don’t have to do it all.  Pick something and do something new.  Upgrade them a little.  Post a tradition.  You will find something that is exciting and new to you.  Then your assignment is “to do”.  Pick something and make it work.  Add some yellow to your family.  Add some fun.  

DAILY RITUALS:

What you do from day to day in your home is a tradition.  If you doubt it…spend a week as a mouse in the corner in someone’s house.  You will notice the atmosphere in different homes is very different.  That atmosphere is created by that families daily traditions.  It creates an atmosphere. 

Have you walked into someone’s home and just felt peace and happiness?  You will find you have a different feeling in different homes.  If you watch the people you will understand why.  

1.  Family mission statement---say at family prayer, use for FHE.  This is what we believe.  Not a sibling picking on someone else.   Creates unity on daily basis.
2. How you do dinner time.  Powerful tool.
3. Family scriptures
4. Family prayer
5. Crossroads----going and comings of the home.  Anytime any member comes or goes.  Different people are going to be in the home at different crossroads.  You may not always be there at their crossroads.  What is your family tradition of crossroads.   As your children are leaving for school where are you?  Are you saying….You didn’t get your rooms done, you have to finish that when you get home.  As they come home from school are you on pinterest or quilting or anything…do you say…hi how are you?  Or do you say nothing and they have to come find you.  You have had a rough day and come home and husband beat you home from work he is on the computer.  No one says anything.  You say hi honey I’m home.  Nothing.  You have to go into the room where his body is.  He’s not “there”.  It’s a downer feeling.  No one is bad or wrong.  It’s just a down feeling.  If he gets up and comes to you, you feel like it’s so good to be home.  I love coming home.
1. Whenever children left I would be at the door to wave them goodbye.
2. When they come home after date you better be there to meet and greet.
3. Make sure you still do this with your husband.

Class Member Shared:  Grandmother had “waving rock”.  Whenever anyone leaves you stand at the waving rock and wave when they come or go.

Class Member Shared:  Every night I go in and read stories with them.  Since school I have been wanting them to go to bed early.  I need to tell them why I want them to go to bed early.  It’s because I want to spend more time with them instead of rushing to get done.   

She is focusing on the how and the what, but the kids are missing the why.  If she will share it with them it will help them want to do what they are asked.  

6.  Huge hallway…4’ wide through whole house, with 5 teenage boys they could walk down a hall without hitting each other.  They can’t.  That’s the way boys show they like each other.  Hall of Fame….54 pictures.  Pictures of activities, school, camping….it was not nicely matched frames.  Very hodge podge.  They loved that hallway.  On the other side I had baby pictures.  I replaced those with Senior graduation pictures then marriage pictures.  It validates the kids.  It validates them. 
7. Bedtime routines
8. Scripture Time.

FAMILY TRADITIONS:

1.  Working on the subdivision….as soon as they graduated in  jr high.
2. Rites of Passage….age for ears pierced, Sundays, no naps, Memorial Days

EXAMPLE:  Mary Poppins bag…denim bag that was huge…took on trips.  In the bag would be different treats, activities, puzzles, candy, anything.  When you get to Mt. Home, Twin, Snowville….predetermined locations.  String across top of car with clothespins…they had to match the Exit sign for that treat.  At that point they would get their next treat.  They had breakup points.  They were much happier.  All the kids wanted to go with Grandma.  

3. Months of year---file box.  Has number…the cards are just numbered.  Put year on the card and write the year.  The little tiny things are the things the kids want to know.  Once a week write down a couple of events.  Sitting on cupboard. 
4. Family activity…..You HAVE to have something to fill this category….backpacking and camping together.  Water ski, Snow ski, bicycling---races, roller skate, bowl, do it consistently.  That is what your family does.
5. Family Calendar once a year….with pictures

HOLIDAY TRADITIONS:

1. Birthdays….red plate and cup, birthday table cloth, decorations make a happy spirit in the home.  Most important holidays in the year.  You can make individual children feel special.  It needs to be a big deal.  Birthdays start in the morning.  Person’s picture below it.  “Party” banner.  Question & Answer every year they fill it out.  Clown—wooden with eye hook and tie balloons to.  Put in middle of table.  Pillowcase you put over back of chair with pocket for love notes to birthday person.  Read them at party.  Before you could open gift you had to say something you love about the person who gave it to you.  No big “friend” parties.  Big party…do Humanitarian service, bring a gift for shelter home.  So child is not “mine…you can’t touch them.”  Think about what you teach even in the party. Fill out birthday questionnaire.

Class Member Shared:  Each child picks a cause to donate to.  They take the things in.  

2. Lessons for Life---binder---ABC tabs—repentance, faith, testimony—as they have experiences it becomes a family journal of experiences.
3. Halloween---On pillow October 1^st all through Oct…it become trick or treat bag.  They come home and dump candy.  Tracy gives them each a sandwich size Ziploc bag.  Fill it as full as it will go and zip shut.  They take the rest and put it out on the front porch.  During the night the Halloween witch comes and takes their candy and leaves a book.  Then if you are frugal you now have your candy for Christmas stockings. 
4. Valentine’s Day---draw names and make poster for whoever they drew.  Have FHE—buy paper, markers, stickers.  No candy.  Depicted what they loved about that person.  Share posters and say what they meant.  They would be in the kids room for the next year.  It says how much each sibling loves each of them.
5. Christmas—make it a tradition.  There reaches a point where you do not go to Grandparents home and don’t feel guilty about it.  Your kids need to remember traditions in your home.  You can invite them to come to you.  Christmas book…pictures from year to year.  Packs away with decorations.  They pick names…they had to buy or make gift.  Had to write a Christmas love letter to that person.  It evolved into a salad bar as the kids got older.  Christmas Eve about 5pm.  Sign says, “Forever Christmas Eve”.  33 Grandchildren….keep notebook and write down what is bought and where you put it.  Read Christmas story, talent show, pick a family about Thanksgiving time.  Each child assigned a family member.  They had to buy 3 gifts…something to wear, something to do, something to eat.  That was the focus of pre-Christmas season.  Go to neighboring ward and get the name of a family.  Great experiences!  Deliver secret family gifts. 
1. One year we had a trampoline.  Down the street 2 blocks in the middle of the road trying to put up the trampoline.  Really snowy.  Put together and put packages on the trampoline.  Carrying down the road and laughing so hard.  Put in on the porch when they couldn’t miss it.  Giggling and laughing.  The look on their face was the greatest gift.
2. Nathan had someone’s name who knew this person.  He came and said I want to buy a Quicksilver jeans (expensive).  If you want to you can.  He did.  He used every penny to buy him jeans and sweatshirt.  Are you sure you really want to do it?  Did drop off.  From that point until the end of the year.  That boy wore those jeans every day to school.  He washed them at night.  Everyday Nate was so grateful. 
3. Turn off all lights and watch the “Grinch who stole Christmas”.  Opened their new PJ’s.  Read their love letters to each other.  By the time they would get finished reading.  The kids would say we don’t need presents.  It created love in the family.  That was all they needed.
4. Mr. Peeps…Comes out the day after Thanksgiving.   Every night you have to remember to move him after everyone is asleep.  First thing your kids look all over to find him. 

General Conference needs to become a tradition. 

ONCE IN A LIFE TIME---Marriage, Graduation, First Babies, Mission

Heavenly Father has traditions.  We can count on them.  Conference will come.  At 8 baptized.  At 12 priesthood.  The Lord gives us rebar to cement our life with because he wants us to feel so much a part of his family that we would do anything to come home.  We want our children to feel so much a part of our family that they want to come home.  

Tradition is critical!!!  They have to feel like life is “fun”.  They have to feel like it is “heart fun”.  We always need to be creating wonderful new experiences, but hold on to a few new ones.  Start the tradition in your home this week of being happy, smile, be grateful to be a mom. 

Follow up--Teaching Children to Feel the Spirit (Class #2)

Tshirt like “Moroni’s flag”---And it came to pass that (our family) wants to be an eternal family by…

CTR---young kids (ages 7 & 2)---words to go with each letter.  Can expand as children get older.

Motto---Do what is right no matter what.

Sometimes we get in a place where the spirit tells us to teach, but it’s a very inconvenient time.  It’s the follow up that teaches.  

Parenting is inconvenient.  It’s never convenient to teach a good lesson.  When it’s convenient in FHE they aren’t listening.  It’s hard when it’s in real life.

Class member shared….She has 3 boys…taken class for many years.  16, 14, 9.  Went to production that was not appropriate.  It was a story they had read and loved. We talked about it and shared story with kids.  They were sitting there with kids when you can’t get out.  They were just sick.  We needed to have FHE afterwards.  We knelt and had family prayer.  16 year old was called on to say prayer.  HF you know and we know that we had a bad experience.  Please help us to have the spirit in our home and in our lives.  Forget the bad and remember the good.  So grateful that he “gets it”.  We have to teach them what are you going to do with it.  Are you going to let it be in your mind or get rid of it?  The kids were able to express what they felt when it was so yucky.  They were able to tell the difference between taking the sacrament and being in this production.  

Negative experiences can still be fabulous teaching experiences. 

Tracy's Story…We live in Kuna.  Our Kuna football team has won 2 games in 3 years.  16 year old son is good at football.  No freshman were allowed to play varsity.  As sophomore he played offense and defense.  The talk would be really negative.  Got another coach to come look into coaching for them.  He was the #1 pick for D1 college in California 6 figure pay.  Kuna $4000 head coach pay.  The high school does the tour.  They wanted to hire someone from inside.  Coach said he wasn’t interested. 

 They said let me set you up for another tour.  The middle school is all district champs or runners up.  Spencer emailed him and said he was so tired of playing on a losing team.  Their own school is bashing on them.  I love football.  I want to play football.  He tours with middle school.  We get this coach.  Invited Spencer to house for dinner with his own staff.   The coach said I need to ask you a few questions.  Do you have a cell phone…no  Do you have a girl friend…no.  What kind of student are you 4.2 student.  You are the reason I am coming to this school.  I turned down this other position because they didn’t like that he was LDS. 

They start practicing.  They have heck week.  They camp at the school for a week.  3 a day practices.  It’s hot.  In between those they are having “mini firesides”.  He talked to the kids about making  good choices.  Had the same talk with parents.  They are going to be respectful in school.  They will respect women.  When the principal comes into an assembly you will give them a standing ovation.   When you band plays you will wave your helmet and cheer. 

He told parents if you give your children beer you child will not play.  It’s not legal.  At midnight he wakes up the players.  He puts them in lines of freshman, sophomores, jr, sr.  In the middle of field there was a spear with spotlight on it.  Freshman make large circle each of them making smaller circles to the spear.  He then asks the seniors I want to know what you want out of life.  7 seniors.  Each called by name and had to say what they wanted out of life. 

He said if you can respect women you will be a better man.  He joined the church at 21.  When he was 4 days old mom died, dad in jail, in orphanage, grandparents found him and raised him.  His success is attributed to his football coaches.  

One kid says I don’t have a dad.  I want to be a good dad, but I don’t know how because I don’t  have an example.  I know when I get there I don’t know how to do it.  This kid drives $180,000 car.  His mom is rich, but he  only wants a dad.  

Another kid said mom is abusive, alcoholic.  The other kids said they didn’t know that.  Then on the field that night they make promises to themselves and the team that they will do certain things and not do certain things.  New coach does fundraisers.   He works for Scentsy.  Has a lot of money.  He wants to build room off the field.  He quit job at Scentsy and said I will be teaching at Kuna a history class.  He expects kids to be respectful.  There will be no disrespect to the teachers.  He talks the talk and walks the walk.  

There is a mandatory study hall.  He pulls in whatever teachers he needs.  He is there for the study hall.  There is a change in spirit and attitude because of this one man.  

There is power in A person.  That is a story of the why.  It’s not the what and the how.  Why are we parenting?  If that is always our focus the what and how will take care of themselves.  The motivations and help will always be there.  

Last conference one of  the Seventy quoting from previous talk Pres. Monson gave.  Mother had 7 children and went across the street to deliver something.  Knows the kids are all there.  Breaks down in tears and says Heavenly Father I am so tired.  I can’t do it.  Please just let me come home for 1 night and then I’ll come back.  All those demands during the killer hours of the day 5-8pm.  Heavenly Father said I can’t take you home to me, but I can come to you.  

That is the why.  He will come and hold us and give us courage, but the bottom line is you are the one to make the difference in your home.  They need that example, from the men, but you are the heart.  You are the one that teaches the why.  

The Dad’s responsibility is to call you to prayer (priesthood responsibility), but it’s the mother that teaches children how to pray.  

We get so discouraged. 

Teaching Children to Feel and Recognize the Spirit (Class #2--Fall 2012)

Some things that stood out to Sister Tanner in Forget Me Not by President Deiter F. Uchtdorf

In our diligent efforts to fulfill all of the duties and obligations we take on as members of the Church, we sometimes see the gospel as a long list of tasks that we must add to our already impossibly long to-do list, as a block of time that we must somehow fit into our busy schedules. We focus on what the Lord wants us to do and how we might do it, but we sometimes forget why.

Parenting is not just about food and clothes. It's about teaching and training.  Family Home Evening, Family Scriptures, One on one time.  We focus on what the Lord wants us to do and how we are going to do it. Principles & practices.   

While understanding the “what” and the “how” of the gospel is necessary, the eternal fire and majesty of the gospel springs from the “why.” When we understand why our Heavenly Father has given us this pattern for living, when we remember why we committed to making it a foundational part of our lives, the gospel ceases to become a burden and, instead, becomes a joy and a delight. It becomes precious and sweet.

We sometimes forget the why.  Why are you parents? The energy and enthusiasm comes from the "why".  The heart and testimony is gone when we don't look at the why.

Let us not walk the path of discipleship with our eyes on the ground, thinking only of the tasks and obligations before us. Let us not walk unaware of the beauty of the glorious earthly and spiritual landscapes that surround us.

From "Daughters of God" by M. Russell Ballard

There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.

 Each has different challenges and abilities.  Different backgrounds. 

 

This is a time of life when you are young and have so much to do.  Facebook, blogging, Pinterest...all good in moderation.  When we go to the why....if we only have 10% of our life to focus on those little people we need to focus on them as our priority.  What are we doing with our moment?

 “The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three on them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4, and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in a hurry to get on to the next things: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.”  by Anna Quindlen

Find order in your homes to find peace enough to cherish.  Then you can stop and take the moment and cherish.  Order helps bring that ability. 

Your children as part of their order need to have a vision of what it means to be in your family.  What does it mean to be a Jones...Smith...Miller?  What would your kids say? It means this is the house I live in.  They need a clear vision of what it means to be in your home.

JS in concise terms wrote 13 articles of faith.  He stated this is what the church believes.  It teaches us in a concise way to express who we are and what we believe in.  It doesn't cover everything, just core beliefs.  You need this for your family.

 

They need to be able to stand up and say this is what it means to be a Tanner.  When their friends would come to them and say, "What is it like to live in your home."  They could answer we are spiritual, we read the Book Of Mormon, we work hard, and we play hard. Then they wanted to know "Can I come live with you guys?"  

My suggestion to you is that you write a Family Mission Statement.  The church has mission statements.  YW theme is statement.  My gospel standards it statement.  Proclamation.  Living Christ. 

This is how you use this.  Not like Proclamation on Family.  80% of you have if framed in your home, but when was the last time you studied it and used it.  Write a statement together with your family.  That mission statement becomes the tool you use to help raise the bar in your own home.  

Principle:  Your children need a clear picture of what they believe.

Practice: Johnson Family with thumbprints for little people.  You have to all agree to.  Signed with thumbprints. 

Practice:  Have FHE...process to put together not immediate product...as you complete it then you make it accessible to the family.  This is more important for you to have on your wall.  Make reference to that.  FHE work on that.  Come and bring a talent.  I only play football.  Discover something you can do.  Work with them to find what they can do.  It becomes their criteria when they set it for themselves.  You just said we have to.  You decided to do.  They can't argue with you.  Do not read Stephen Covey's.  It will make you feel inadequate.  It's about the why.  Putting on the paper.

President Cobb (seminary director) said he wanted to add his testimony to that of Sister Tanner's about creating a family mission statement & motto.  He said, "We measure what is happening by that statement.  When they had a problem with respect we looked at our family mission statement.  It blessed our home.  It took awhile to put it together.  It was not done overnight. When his daughter was a freshman at BYU she struggled with her identity, but she used their family mission statement to ground her."  

President Cobb gave us a copy of his family mission statement & motto to put on the blog as an example....(Thank you President Cobb!)

Mission Statement:

"Our home will be founded upon the principles of faith, prayer, order, respect, love and gratitude.  As a family we will go to church together, have family home evening together, eat together, read scriptures together, work together, pray together, and play together.  As we do these things, we will have a Christ-centered home where the Spirit is present."

Motto:

"Be there!"

Your children gain identity to be in your family.  They know what it means.  It creates order and vision in their life.  

Suggest:  Come up with family motto.  It needs to be small.  Few words.

Examples (taken from a Tanner family calendar)

Tracy:  "Happy days are made by happy people.  Happy people are made by choice."   

Nathan:  "We can do hard things."

Scotty:  "We live after the manner of happiness."

Put your family motto under your family picture.  Say your motto before or after family prayer. 

Example:  Last year Tanner family reunion.  Cory & Scotty were in charge.  Their theme was "Wave Your Flags".  Each family had to come with a flag they had designed.  They had an opening ceremony.  They did a video with the kids waving flags in the sunset so they were silhouetted against sky.  Had the kids record their name and something about them.  "I am Cody.  I am peaceful."   Here are a couple of flags.....

HOMEWORK:  Create a Mission Statement, A Family Motto, A Family Flag, and a Family Cheer

QUESTION: What if this is not your husband's thing? How do you convince the husband to help?  

ANSWER: Dad has to be involved, but at different levels. You women have an amazing amount of power you give up because of self pity.  Attitude of I can’t because or How can I make this work.  One defeats you.  One empowers you.  What can I do....to help husband get on board.  If you put husband in charge it won't get done.  Bring it up in a different manner, not confrontive.  Do a FHE...JS and Wentworth letters and articles of faith.  This is outline for what church believes.  Wouldn't it be fun it we could make an outline of what we believe.   If you say, "This family needs a mission statement."  The approach is different.  What you want is the same.  One with the spirit one with self-pity.

HOMEWORK:  Prepare for conference by thinking about 3 questions you want answered in conference.  Listen for answers to your questions instead of notes.  "How can I..."  You will receive revelation, maybe not even in talk.  It's exciting.  It works.  

Class Member Shared:  Over summer wanted to do fun Olympics party for kids.  She was excited.  Talk to husband first privately on our own.  This is why I want to do it.  Brainstorm.  Keep it simple.  He said, Ok we'll run with it.  When she presented it to the kids he just sat there and the kids weren't really excited about it.  Afterwards she talked to him in private and said, I could really use your support.  What you are saying is this really isn't important.  Talk after.  End of goal party to make it fun.  Keep following up quietly and privately to get there.

Follow up....The kids had an experience.  Next summer it will be interested to hear what they are telling their kids.  You don't know.  It will come up in the  "Remember whens..." from your kids.  They see the world different.

How to you teach your children to live by the spirit of the Holy Ghost.  If you could do that nothing else matters.  You could send them to school and on missions and know that they would be safe.  WE have a fear about how do we get them to feel that prompting.  How many of you recognize daily revelation from the Holy Ghost.  You have each been given the gift of the Holy Ghost.  He is prompting you daily.  We become so complacent that we don't hear it.  We become desensitized.  

In Primary...Sister Tanner was teaching a lesson on listening to the Holy Ghost.  She asked the kids to tell her a time when they had a prompting from the Holy Ghost.  Nothing.  She then asked the teachers to share an experience when they were prompted by the Holy Ghost.  Nothing.  Finally one teacher feeling sorry for her told of an experience from when she was dating her husband (from 20 years ago).  That was the example the kids had was that the Holy Ghost testified years ago.  There was nothing more current?  We need to share experience that happen every day.  

We need to teach how to recognize Holy Ghost.  Before you can teach that you have to understand and know how yourself.  You have to know how to feel the Holy Ghost. 

How does Holy Ghost speak to us....usually through a feeling or thought.  Soft and quiet.  If we aren't listening it goes away.  We don't pay attention to.  In the beginning, first thing to teach is feelings.   Teach them to be aware of feelings.  We tend to negate their feelings. 

Example: Child is afraid of monsters.  They call you in the night.  You are tired.  They say, “There’s a monster under my bed.”  You say, No there isn't.  I'll look under your bed.  Do you want to look under the bed with me?  Let’s sing primary song and then go to bed.”  What did we do with their feeling because of our impatience?  

Example:  Child says, “I hate my brother.”  We immediately respond, “No you don't.  Jesus taught us to love each other.”  He just heard that Jesus won't like them because they don't like brother.  

Recognize and understand feelings.  They need to know any feeling is ok.  Even anger.  It's ok to be angry/happy/scared.  It's what you do with the feeling.  What to do empowers them.  The ability to hear the Holy Ghost is ability to have power over your emotions.  As you go into your prayer you take with you your emotion you pray and are so uptight with emotion that you can't hear what the Holy Ghost is telling you what to do. 

Get a picture of faces that show "feelings".  You can reference them.  Point to the one you are feeling.  It's ok to be angry.  

Example:  “I hate Johnny.” 

Validate feeling.  "I can see you are very frustrated with Johnny.  You are very angry with him.  Aren't you? " 

YES 

"Why are you feeling so upset.  Talk to me about it. 

“He took my truck.” 

“I can see that would make you angry.  What do you think he was feeling?”

“He was mad because I wouldn’t let him play with my truck.”

“If you didn't want to play with him how did you think it made him feel?” They have to acknowledge others have feelings. 

What can we do about it? (Solution)  Help them deal in a proper way.

Example: Back to the Monsters under the bed story....You are having feelings too.  When you stop to validate the child’s feelings, your feelings of frustration stop.

Validate child’s feelings. “ I can see you are really frightened.  It's ok to be scared.  Do you want me to check under the bed?” 

“Yes”

“There is nothing under there.  “Do you want to sing a song or say a prayer?”

“Yes”

Then buy a bottle of air freshener put on a label that says Monster spray. Tell them,  “If you spray they run away.”  Let them spray (solution) It gives them power to deal with the problem.  Ask questions.  Let them talk.

As they understand feelings create environment where spirit is there. 

In our world we don't have quiet place.  The temple.  We go in there, but we aren't reverent.  Reverence is in behavior...that's what we teach.  fold arms, sit still, don't talk.  We teach them that reverence is a certain behavior.  Reverence is much more.  In our society there are very few examples to children of reverence unless you create them. 

Post WWII....great reverence for country.  Emotion and teas as flag went by.  Now there isn't.  The flag is belittled.  Country and leaders are belittled or become complacent.  

"Reverence is profound respect mingled with love."  David O McKay

"Reverent behavior is not a natural tendency for most children. It is a quality that is taught by parents and leaders through example and training. But remember, if reverence is rooted in love, so is the teaching of it. Harshness in our training begets resentment, not reverence. "Respect & Reverence" by Margaret Lifforth

What are we saying to out kids when we swat them and say, "we don't hit" while we are hitting them. 

We have to teach it with love.  We have to teach them to feel reverent.  If we can't teach that feeling of wonder and awe and testimony when we think about spiritual things, how can they be still and plug into the Holy Ghost? 

When they are little it is physical. Their bodies have to move.  As they get older where is their mind and thoughts?  If they are everywhere then they aren't reverent. If your mind is everywhere then you aren’t being reverent.

"Be still and know that I am"  They have to experience it.  

As they feel it then you identify it. 

Teaching youth...every time the spirit was just getting there to get into their hearts someone makes a wise crack.  It shows that they aren't comfortable with the spirit yet.  It has to be taught at home.  The teachers don't have time to individualize.  They need to be comfortable with companionship of Holy Ghost.  

Feeling the spirit is in contrast to family life.  

You need to bear your testimony.  When you are at the park playing...you can feel the spirit.  Joyful.  It's not just solemn.  

"The gift of the Holy Ghost adapts itself to all these organs or attributes.  It quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affection, and adapts them, by the gifts of wisdom, to their lawful use.  It inspires, develops, cultivates, and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings, and affections of our nature.  It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness, and charity.  It develops beauty of person, form and features.  It tends to health, vigor,  animation, and social feeling.  It invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man.  It strengthens, and gives tone to the nerves.  In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bones, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ear, and life to the whole being. 

In the presence of such persons, one feels to enjoy the light of their countenances, as the genial rays of a sunbeam.  Their very atmosphere diffuses a thrill, a warm glow of pure gladness and sympathy, to the heart and nerves of others who have kindred feelings, or sympathy of spirit."   Parley P. Pratt, "The Key to the Science of Theology, pg 101"

During the day you have to bear testimony to your children.  So it can be there. 

“I know Heavenly Father loves you and is mindful of what you are thinking.”

“I know Heavenly Father knows you are really happy.  I know he is aware.”

Class Member Shared:  Testified that this is true.  Works for your adult children.  Went through temple 1st time at 30.  She didn't really understand what she was doing.  When they were coming out she leaned over to my parents and said, “I feel the same way I did at 8 when I was baptized.”  Her parents said, “That is the Holy Ghost telling you that you are good, clean, and pure.”  I didn't realize that was what was happening until they testified that was what was happening to me. 

We do not bear testimony nearly enough.  

Example:  “I know things are tight right now, but if we keep paying our tithing we will be ok.”  That is a testimony.  

Class Member Shared:  Part of testifying is when you feel the spirit, but also testify when the spirit leaves.  When a couple of dads got in fight at game, there was a yucky feeling.  That is the spirit leaving.  Teach what it feels like when it is gone. 

Create quiet time every day....after dinner in their home.  You could play and be silly until dinner.  We talk together and play together.  Not rough housing.  You have to create quiet times in your home so they can enjoy them in your home.  Not electronic times.  Read, talk, not high busyness.  Time to be still.  Enjoy family.

Kids in sunbeam...you can tell those that have FHE or reading books.  They can sit still.  

"Respect & Reverence" by Margaret Lifforth  Do not allow children to call adults by their first name.  Call them bishop, brother, or sister.  It is a matter of respect.

EXAMPLE:  If your daughter says, Sister Larsen wants us to call her by her first name.”  You say, “She is your teacher and you owe her the respect to call her Sister Larsen.”  Then Sister Larsen says to you, “That makes me so old.  It makes me feel ancient. She can call me by my first name.”  You say, “I am so grateful you are teaching them and loving them, but I must teach them respect. They need to call you Sister Larsen.”  Don't allow other people to tell you how to parent.

  

Use music in your home.....primary songs, hymns, classics.

Question: What is your daughter is uncomfortable with that type of music? 

Answer: She doesn't have to like it, but she does have to take turns and listen to it.

As we have these experiences with our children, have them keep a journal and write them down.  So they can never say I don't know when I have felt the spirit.  They need to review them.  As they hear you testify.  They begin to be aware of how often the Holy Ghost is in their lives.  So they then begin to look for them every day.  

Practice:  Maybe record on Sunday. 

Richard G. Scott---Write it down.  Says it all the time.  We have bad memories.  Scriptures say remember, remember.

HOMEWORK:  This week, kneel with each child individually.  Gratitude that this child is yours and their gifts.  

The spirit can tell your children you love them more than you can tell them.

#1 most essential thing in feeling the spirit...Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy.

Reverence is different than the every day feelings they have.  It should be different experience for 24 hours.  It should be felt.  It is a feeling of joy.  Not we can'ts.  When you focus on making and celebrating the Sabbath as day of the Lord.  They learn to love Sunday. 

PRACTICES: How you dress.  November 2005  Jeffrey R. Holland.  Present selves inside and out.  dedicated chapel is house of Lord.  Should not be expensive.  Don't appear as if on their way to beach.  We should be as respectful, dignified, and appropriate as we should be. 

Our first feeling is to justify what we wear.  Would I want to go into the presence of the Lord in what I am wearing?  If the Lord is coming to your home is that what you would like them to wear.   

PRACTICE:  All day on the Sabbath dress differently.  Rule was girls wore dresses all day.  Change into another dress.  Boys couldn't wear jeans or shorts, slacks only.  Button up shirt.  

As they receive the priesthood they need to wear white shirts and ties.  Fireside...don't have to wear white shirt and tie, but they need to dress appropriately.  

When children ask if they have to stay in “those” clothes, respond by saying, “Is it Sunday?  When it's not Sunday anymore you don't have to wear those clothes.”  

Activities and what you do needs to be respectful of the Sabbath day.  

Question:  What do you suggest in homes where Dad doesn't agree.

Answer:  Husband was going through period of inactivity.  Wore sweats and watched TV.  Talk to husband in private first.  If they go to church and then the rest of day is TV.  What am I supposed to do?  Never condemn them.  Love them.  Don't criticize them.  Teach children to love them.  Set a very good example.  Just go in other room get a game, talk, laugh with them.  Create the environment.  Be careful of your attitude.  Does that loving feeling make your children come be with you.  

Prematurely pairing off with a boyfriend or girlfriend is dangerous. Becoming a “couple” creates emotional intimacy, which too often leads to physical intimacy. Satan knows this sequence and uses it to his advantage. He will do whatever he can to keep young men from serving missions and to prevent temple marriages.

It is vital that parents have the courage to speak up and intervene before Satan succeeds. President Boyd K. Packer has taught that “when morality is involved, we have both the right and the obligation to raise a warning voice.”

 I have always believed that nothing really good happens late at night and that young people need to know what time they are expected to come home.

 There is a great deal of wisdom displayed when parents stay up and wait for their children to return home. Young men and women make far better choices when they know their parents are waiting up to hear about their evening and to kiss them good night.

May I express my personal warning about a practice that is common in many cultures. I am referring to sleepovers, or spending the night at the home of a friend. As a bishop I discovered that too many youth violated the Word of Wisdom or the law of chastity for the first time as part of a sleepover. Too often their first exposure to pornography and even their first encounter with the police occurred when they were spending the night away from home.

Peer pressure becomes more powerful when our children are away from our influence and when their defenses are weakened late at night. If you have ever felt uneasy about an overnight activity, don’t be afraid to respond to that warning voice inside. Always be prayerful when it comes to protecting your precious children.

Courageous parenting does not always involve saying no. Parents also need courage to say yes to the counsel of modern-day prophets. Our Church leaders have counseled us to establish righteous patterns in our homes. Consider five fundamental practices that have the power to fortify our youth: family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, family dinner together, and regular one-on-one interviews with each child."   "Courageous Parenting" by Larry R. Lawrence

Are we doing it with exactness?  How often do we follow commandments

 

Caden 9...Tyler (Dad) is seminary teacher in Blackfoot.  Reading scriptures in Jacob where he saw the Savior.  After they were done.  Went up to Dad and said can anyone see the Savior.  His Dad said, "Yes if you qualify.  Brother of Jared couldn't be kept out." Caden asked, "What do I have to do to see the Savior."   Dad said, "Go to D&C 93:1  List of things you need to do so you can see the Savior."  When Dad got home from work Caden had gone to scripture, made the list, and typed it up and listed and typed it up.  It was hanging in his room so he could work on it.

Story:  "Peace"

A king once offered a prize to the artist who could best paint a picture of peace. Many artists submitted their work, and from them the king selected two pictures he was quite fond of. “I shall choose between these,” the king announced.

In the first scene was a calm, undisturbed lake surrounded by tall serene mountains. Overhead was a tranquil blue sky with beautiful puffy, white clouds. It looked liked the beautiful representation of peace.

The second picture had mountains in it as well. But these mountains were rugged and harsh. Above the mountains was a murky, dark sky filled with rain that beat down on all below. Stark lightning bolts streaked through the sky. The depiction did not seem peaceful at all.

But when the king stared more closely at the picture, he saw a tiny green bush at the side of the dark mountain. Inside the bush the artist portrayed a mother bird building her nest, sheltered from the raging storm around her.

The king unhesitatingly selected the second picture as the winner.

The king explained his reasoning: ”Peace does not have to be where there is no noise, confusion, or trouble. The real meaning of peace is existing in the midst of turmoil and still holding hope and contentment in your heart.” Author Unknown 

   

HOMEWORK:  

Jeffrey R. Holland--CES Fireside Video

Watch it!  Memorize it!  Take notes.  Tell her what it means to leave your religion at the door.