Traditions--Class #3 (Fall 2012)

TRADITIONS:

It is a lot broader than you think it is. 

HOMEWORK:  New page for Traditions on the blog.  If you want to put a picture with your tradition.  Email it to Andrea.  She can post them there.  If you don’t have picture just post to the comments.  Pictures are powerful. 

She came from family without traditions.   Mike came from a family without traditions.  They wanted traditions.  Picked up ideas from Relief Society or sharing with others. 

What was purpose of motto, flag…it creates purpose for your family.   Tie rebar then pour concrete.  Traditions are the rebar.  It keeps them tied together and strong.  They want to come back and continue to share.  You tied the family together with something that was strong.  

There is nothing stronger than a memory that binds the family.  Traditions are binding moments that tie your children to something.

Dr. Robinson……(radio broadcast)  When I interview kids who are in trouble with the law…what does your family stand for.  Most cannot.  If I talk with kids who have  a strong family bond, most can say…we are Jewish, father or mother does this or that.  It has value for them.  Kids must have that.  We don’t stand alone in life.  

If you have families that pass through home, when they are teenagers and plugged into something, they aren’t bonding with family.  You have to create something that bonds family together.  It solidifies family. They need the memories and strength they will find in your home. 

Patch Adams…..There are so many influences on children these days.  1.  Try to have a vibrant relationship with spouse.  Set a good example for children.  I think if they let their creative aspect fly, the kids will see that passion.  If parents are overwhelmed with life their kids will see that too.   

Tanner 1:1  Tell your face you are happy.   

Sing with them.  You yellows do it all the time.  Your homes are really fun….not real ordered, but fun.  Blues have very structured ordered homes and you will behave right.  You are so boring.  It is almost a sin to have fun.  J  We need to mesh the 2.  We need green homes.  We need the order and the fun.  In the fun (traditions). 

Tradition:  Sister Tanner showed a picture of her 5 boys at the top of Mt. Borah after they had climbed it.  Climbed Mt. Borah every year.  Dad took picture.  Mom not in the picture. 

 If you are not in the picture you aren’t in the memory.   If you want family to bond the whole family has to be in the picture.  Memories are made from pictures.  It may not be a physical picture.  When you recall a special moment in life it is a picture in your mind.  Think about creating pictures that will last in the heart.  

Your digital pictures always sit.  They aren’t doing much good.  Use the pictures!  On Sunday afternoon create a slideshow, pull in some activities and get those pictures running.  Have them running all the time.  You have to create an event where they bring up those memories and relive the picture.  They need to do “remember whens”.  DVD of pictures.   You have to play them.

Class member shared…did digital pictures.  Her soft heated daughter told her that, sometimes I cry when I look at our photobooks.  Shutterfly will just auto fill the book.  You upload the pictures and tell it autofill.  Really fast.  Really easy.  www.shutterfly.com

That would be a great thing to do on the birthday…book about them with pictures.. 

There are several kinds of traditions.  Look at your life and home and be sure you have traditions in each area. 

1.  Daily Traditions
2. Family Traditions
3. Holiday Traditions
4. Once in a Lifetime Traditions

You don’t have to do it all.  Pick something and do something new.  Upgrade them a little.  Post a tradition.  You will find something that is exciting and new to you.  Then your assignment is “to do”.  Pick something and make it work.  Add some yellow to your family.  Add some fun.  

DAILY RITUALS:

What you do from day to day in your home is a tradition.  If you doubt it…spend a week as a mouse in the corner in someone’s house.  You will notice the atmosphere in different homes is very different.  That atmosphere is created by that families daily traditions.  It creates an atmosphere. 

Have you walked into someone’s home and just felt peace and happiness?  You will find you have a different feeling in different homes.  If you watch the people you will understand why.  

1.  Family mission statement---say at family prayer, use for FHE.  This is what we believe.  Not a sibling picking on someone else.   Creates unity on daily basis.
2. How you do dinner time.  Powerful tool.
3. Family scriptures
4. Family prayer
5. Crossroads----going and comings of the home.  Anytime any member comes or goes.  Different people are going to be in the home at different crossroads.  You may not always be there at their crossroads.  What is your family tradition of crossroads.   As your children are leaving for school where are you?  Are you saying….You didn’t get your rooms done, you have to finish that when you get home.  As they come home from school are you on pinterest or quilting or anything…do you say…hi how are you?  Or do you say nothing and they have to come find you.  You have had a rough day and come home and husband beat you home from work he is on the computer.  No one says anything.  You say hi honey I’m home.  Nothing.  You have to go into the room where his body is.  He’s not “there”.  It’s a downer feeling.  No one is bad or wrong.  It’s just a down feeling.  If he gets up and comes to you, you feel like it’s so good to be home.  I love coming home.
1. Whenever children left I would be at the door to wave them goodbye.
2. When they come home after date you better be there to meet and greet.
3. Make sure you still do this with your husband.

Class Member Shared:  Grandmother had “waving rock”.  Whenever anyone leaves you stand at the waving rock and wave when they come or go.

Class Member Shared:  Every night I go in and read stories with them.  Since school I have been wanting them to go to bed early.  I need to tell them why I want them to go to bed early.  It’s because I want to spend more time with them instead of rushing to get done.   

She is focusing on the how and the what, but the kids are missing the why.  If she will share it with them it will help them want to do what they are asked.  

6.  Huge hallway…4’ wide through whole house, with 5 teenage boys they could walk down a hall without hitting each other.  They can’t.  That’s the way boys show they like each other.  Hall of Fame….54 pictures.  Pictures of activities, school, camping….it was not nicely matched frames.  Very hodge podge.  They loved that hallway.  On the other side I had baby pictures.  I replaced those with Senior graduation pictures then marriage pictures.  It validates the kids.  It validates them. 
7. Bedtime routines
8. Scripture Time.

FAMILY TRADITIONS:

1.  Working on the subdivision….as soon as they graduated in  jr high.
2. Rites of Passage….age for ears pierced, Sundays, no naps, Memorial Days

EXAMPLE:  Mary Poppins bag…denim bag that was huge…took on trips.  In the bag would be different treats, activities, puzzles, candy, anything.  When you get to Mt. Home, Twin, Snowville….predetermined locations.  String across top of car with clothespins…they had to match the Exit sign for that treat.  At that point they would get their next treat.  They had breakup points.  They were much happier.  All the kids wanted to go with Grandma.  

3. Months of year---file box.  Has number…the cards are just numbered.  Put year on the card and write the year.  The little tiny things are the things the kids want to know.  Once a week write down a couple of events.  Sitting on cupboard. 
4. Family activity…..You HAVE to have something to fill this category….backpacking and camping together.  Water ski, Snow ski, bicycling---races, roller skate, bowl, do it consistently.  That is what your family does.
5. Family Calendar once a year….with pictures

HOLIDAY TRADITIONS:

1. Birthdays….red plate and cup, birthday table cloth, decorations make a happy spirit in the home.  Most important holidays in the year.  You can make individual children feel special.  It needs to be a big deal.  Birthdays start in the morning.  Person’s picture below it.  “Party” banner.  Question & Answer every year they fill it out.  Clown—wooden with eye hook and tie balloons to.  Put in middle of table.  Pillowcase you put over back of chair with pocket for love notes to birthday person.  Read them at party.  Before you could open gift you had to say something you love about the person who gave it to you.  No big “friend” parties.  Big party…do Humanitarian service, bring a gift for shelter home.  So child is not “mine…you can’t touch them.”  Think about what you teach even in the party. Fill out birthday questionnaire.

Class Member Shared:  Each child picks a cause to donate to.  They take the things in.  

2. Lessons for Life---binder---ABC tabs—repentance, faith, testimony—as they have experiences it becomes a family journal of experiences.
3. Halloween---On pillow October 1^st all through Oct…it become trick or treat bag.  They come home and dump candy.  Tracy gives them each a sandwich size Ziploc bag.  Fill it as full as it will go and zip shut.  They take the rest and put it out on the front porch.  During the night the Halloween witch comes and takes their candy and leaves a book.  Then if you are frugal you now have your candy for Christmas stockings. 
4. Valentine’s Day---draw names and make poster for whoever they drew.  Have FHE—buy paper, markers, stickers.  No candy.  Depicted what they loved about that person.  Share posters and say what they meant.  They would be in the kids room for the next year.  It says how much each sibling loves each of them.
5. Christmas—make it a tradition.  There reaches a point where you do not go to Grandparents home and don’t feel guilty about it.  Your kids need to remember traditions in your home.  You can invite them to come to you.  Christmas book…pictures from year to year.  Packs away with decorations.  They pick names…they had to buy or make gift.  Had to write a Christmas love letter to that person.  It evolved into a salad bar as the kids got older.  Christmas Eve about 5pm.  Sign says, “Forever Christmas Eve”.  33 Grandchildren….keep notebook and write down what is bought and where you put it.  Read Christmas story, talent show, pick a family about Thanksgiving time.  Each child assigned a family member.  They had to buy 3 gifts…something to wear, something to do, something to eat.  That was the focus of pre-Christmas season.  Go to neighboring ward and get the name of a family.  Great experiences!  Deliver secret family gifts. 
1. One year we had a trampoline.  Down the street 2 blocks in the middle of the road trying to put up the trampoline.  Really snowy.  Put together and put packages on the trampoline.  Carrying down the road and laughing so hard.  Put in on the porch when they couldn’t miss it.  Giggling and laughing.  The look on their face was the greatest gift.
2. Nathan had someone’s name who knew this person.  He came and said I want to buy a Quicksilver jeans (expensive).  If you want to you can.  He did.  He used every penny to buy him jeans and sweatshirt.  Are you sure you really want to do it?  Did drop off.  From that point until the end of the year.  That boy wore those jeans every day to school.  He washed them at night.  Everyday Nate was so grateful. 
3. Turn off all lights and watch the “Grinch who stole Christmas”.  Opened their new PJ’s.  Read their love letters to each other.  By the time they would get finished reading.  The kids would say we don’t need presents.  It created love in the family.  That was all they needed.
4. Mr. Peeps…Comes out the day after Thanksgiving.   Every night you have to remember to move him after everyone is asleep.  First thing your kids look all over to find him. 

General Conference needs to become a tradition. 

ONCE IN A LIFE TIME---Marriage, Graduation, First Babies, Mission

Heavenly Father has traditions.  We can count on them.  Conference will come.  At 8 baptized.  At 12 priesthood.  The Lord gives us rebar to cement our life with because he wants us to feel so much a part of his family that we would do anything to come home.  We want our children to feel so much a part of our family that they want to come home.  

Tradition is critical!!!  They have to feel like life is “fun”.  They have to feel like it is “heart fun”.  We always need to be creating wonderful new experiences, but hold on to a few new ones.  Start the tradition in your home this week of being happy, smile, be grateful to be a mom.