In our diligent efforts to fulfill all of the duties and obligations we take on as members of the Church, we sometimes see the gospel as a long list of tasks that we must add to our already impossibly long to-do list, as a block of time that we must somehow fit into our busy schedules. We focus on what the Lord wants us to do and how we might do it, but we sometimes forget why.
Parenting is not just about food and
clothes. It's about teaching and training. Family Home Evening, Family Scriptures, One on one time. We focus on what the Lord wants us to do and
how we are going to do it. Principles & practices.
While understanding the “what” and the “how” of the gospel is necessary, the eternal fire and majesty of the gospel springs from the “why.” When we understand why our Heavenly Father has given us this pattern for living, when we remember why we committed to making it a foundational part of our lives, the gospel ceases to become a burden and, instead, becomes a joy and a delight. It becomes precious and sweet.
We sometimes forget the why. Why are you parents? The energy and enthusiasm
comes from the "why". The
heart and testimony is gone when we don't look at the why.
Let us not walk the path of discipleship with our eyes on the ground, thinking only of the tasks and obligations before us. Let us not walk unaware of the beauty of the glorious earthly and spiritual landscapes that surround us.From "Daughters of God" by M. Russell Ballard
There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.Each has different challenges and abilities. Different backgrounds.
This is a time of life
when you are young and have so much to do.
Facebook, blogging, Pinterest...all good in moderation. When we go to the why....if we only have 10%
of our life to focus on those little people we need to focus on them as our
priority. What are we doing with our
moment?
“The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three on them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4, and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in a hurry to get on to the next things: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.” by Anna Quindlen
Find order in your homes
to find peace enough to cherish. Then
you can stop and take the moment and cherish.
Order helps bring that ability.
Your children as part of
their order need to have a vision of what it means to be in your family. What does it mean to be a
Jones...Smith...Miller? What would your
kids say? It means this is the house I live in.
They need a clear vision of what it means to be in your home.
JS in concise terms
wrote 13 articles of faith. He stated
this is what the church believes. It
teaches us in a concise way to express who we are and what we believe in. It doesn't cover everything, just core
beliefs. You need this for your
family.
They need to be able to
stand up and say this is what it means to be a Tanner. When their friends would come to them and
say, "What is it like to live in your home." They could answer we are spiritual, we read
the Book Of Mormon, we work hard, and we play hard. Then they wanted to know
"Can I come live with you guys?"
My suggestion to you is
that you write a Family Mission Statement.
The church has mission statements.
YW theme is statement. My gospel
standards it statement.
Proclamation. Living Christ.
This is how you use
this. Not like Proclamation on
Family. 80% of you have if framed in
your home, but when was the last time you studied it and used it. Write a statement together with your
family. That mission statement becomes
the tool you use to help raise the bar in your own home.
Principle: Your children need a clear picture of what they believe.
Practice: Johnson Family
with thumbprints for little people. You have
to all agree to. Signed with
thumbprints.
President Cobb (seminary director) said he wanted to add his testimony to that of Sister Tanner's about creating a family mission statement & motto. He said, "We measure what is happening by that statement. When they had a problem with respect we looked at our family mission statement. It blessed our home. It took awhile to put it together. It was not done overnight. When his daughter was a freshman at BYU she struggled with her identity, but she used their family mission statement to ground her."
President
Cobb gave us a copy of his family mission statement & motto to put
on the blog as an example....(Thank you President Cobb!)
Mission Statement:
"Our
home will be founded upon the principles of faith, prayer, order,
respect, love and gratitude. As a family we will go to church together,
have family home evening together, eat together, read scriptures
together, work together, pray together, and play together. As we do
these things, we will have a Christ-centered home where the Spirit is
present."
Motto:
"Be there!"
Your children gain
identity to be in your family. They know
what it means. It creates order and
vision in their life.
Examples (taken from a Tanner family calendar)
Tracy: "Happy days are made by happy people. Happy people are made by choice."
Nathan: "We can do hard things."
Scotty: "We live after the
manner of happiness."
Put your family motto under your family picture. Say your motto before or after family prayer.
Example:
Last year Tanner family reunion. Cory & Scotty were in charge.
Their theme was "Wave Your Flags". Each family had to come with a flag
they had designed. They had an opening ceremony. They did a video with
the kids waving flags in the sunset so they were silhouetted against
sky. Had the kids record their name and something about them. "I am
Cody. I am peaceful." Here are a couple of flags.....
HOMEWORK: Create a Mission Statement, A Family Motto, A Family Flag, and a Family Cheer
QUESTION: What if this
is not your husband's thing? How do you convince the husband to help?
ANSWER: Dad has to be
involved, but at different levels. You women have an amazing amount of power
you give up because of self pity.
Attitude of I can’t because or How can I make this work. One defeats you. One empowers you. What can I do....to help husband get on
board. If you put husband in charge it
won't get done. Bring it up in a
different manner, not confrontive. Do a FHE...JS
and Wentworth letters and articles of faith.
This is outline for what church believes. Wouldn't it be fun it we could make an
outline of what we believe. If you say,
"This family needs a mission statement." The approach is different. What you want is the same. One with the spirit one with self-pity.
HOMEWORK: Prepare for conference
by thinking about 3 questions you want answered in conference. Listen for answers to your questions instead
of notes. "How can I..." You will receive revelation, maybe not even
in talk. It's exciting. It works.
Class Member Shared: Over summer wanted to do fun Olympics party
for kids. She was excited. Talk to husband first privately on our
own. This is why I want to do it. Brainstorm.
Keep it simple. He said, Ok we'll
run with it. When she presented it to
the kids he just sat there and the kids weren't really excited about
it. Afterwards she talked to him in private and said, I could really use your
support. What you are saying is this really
isn't important. Talk after. End of goal party to make it fun. Keep following up quietly and privately to
get there.
Follow up....The kids had
an experience. Next summer it will be
interested to hear what they are telling their kids. You don't know. It will come up in the "Remember whens..." from your kids. They see the world different.
How to you teach your
children to live by the spirit of the Holy Ghost. If you could do that nothing else
matters. You could send them to school
and on missions and know that they would be safe. WE have a fear about how do we get them to
feel that prompting. How many of you
recognize daily revelation from the Holy Ghost.
You have each been given the gift of the Holy Ghost. He is prompting you daily. We become so complacent that we don't hear
it. We become desensitized.
In Primary...Sister
Tanner was teaching a lesson on listening to the Holy Ghost. She asked the kids to tell her a time when they
had a prompting from the Holy Ghost.
Nothing. She then asked the
teachers to share an experience when they were prompted by the Holy Ghost. Nothing.
Finally one teacher feeling sorry for her told of an experience from
when she was dating her husband (from 20 years ago). That was the example the kids had was that
the Holy Ghost testified years ago.
There was nothing more current? We need to share experience that happen every
day.
We need to teach
how to recognize Holy Ghost. Before you
can teach that you have to understand and know how yourself. You have to know how to feel the Holy Ghost.
How does Holy Ghost
speak to us....usually through a feeling or thought. Soft and quiet. If we aren't listening it goes away. We don't pay attention to. In the beginning, first thing to teach is
feelings. Teach them to be aware of
feelings. We tend to negate their
feelings.
Example: Child is afraid
of monsters. They call you in the
night. You are tired. They say, “There’s a monster under my bed.” You say, No there isn't. I'll look under your bed. Do you want to look under the bed with
me? Let’s sing primary song and then go
to bed.” What did we do with their
feeling because of our impatience?
Example: Child says, “I hate my brother.” We immediately respond, “No you don't. Jesus taught us to love each other.” He just heard that Jesus won't like them
because they don't like brother.
Recognize and understand
feelings. They need to know any feeling
is ok. Even anger. It's ok to be angry/happy/scared. It's what you do with the feeling. What to do empowers them. The ability to hear the Holy Ghost is ability
to have power over your emotions. As you
go into your prayer you take with you your emotion you pray and are so uptight
with emotion that you can't hear what the Holy Ghost is telling you what to do.
Get a picture of faces
that show "feelings". You can
reference them. Point to the one you are
feeling. It's ok to be angry.
Example: “I hate Johnny.”
Validate feeling. "I can see you are very frustrated with
Johnny. You are very angry with
him. Aren't you? "
YES
"Why are you feeling
so upset. Talk to me about it.
“He took my truck.”
“I can see that would
make you angry. What do you think he was
feeling?”
“He was mad because I
wouldn’t let him play with my truck.”
“If you didn't want to
play with him how did you think it made him feel?” They have to acknowledge
others have feelings.
What can we do about it?
(Solution) Help them deal in a proper
way.
Example: Back to the Monsters
under the bed story....You are having feelings too. When you stop to validate the child’s feelings,
your feelings of frustration stop.
Validate child’s
feelings. “ I can see you are really frightened. It's ok to be scared. Do you want me to check under the bed?”
“Yes”
“There is nothing under
there. “Do you want to sing a song or
say a prayer?”
“Yes”
Then buy a bottle of air
freshener put on a label that says Monster spray. Tell them, “If you spray they run away.” Let them spray (solution) It gives them power
to deal with the problem. Ask questions. Let them talk.
As they understand
feelings create environment where spirit is there.
In our world we don't
have quiet place. The temple. We go in there, but we aren't reverent. Reverence is in behavior...that's what we teach. fold arms, sit still, don't talk. We teach them that reverence is a certain
behavior. Reverence is much more. In our society there are very few examples to
children of reverence unless you create them.
Post WWII....great
reverence for country. Emotion and teas
as flag went by. Now there isn't. The flag is belittled. Country and leaders are belittled or become
complacent.
"Reverence is profound respect mingled with love." David O McKay
"Reverent behavior is not a natural tendency for most children. It is a quality that is taught by parents and leaders through example and training. But remember, if reverence is rooted in love, so is the teaching of it. Harshness in our training begets resentment, not reverence. "Respect & Reverence" by Margaret Lifforth
What are we saying to
out kids when we swat them and say, "we don't hit" while we are
hitting them.
We have to teach it with
love. We have to teach them to feel
reverent. If we can't teach that feeling
of wonder and awe and testimony when we think about spiritual things, how can
they be still and plug into the Holy Ghost?
When they are little it
is physical. Their bodies have to move.
As they get older where is their mind and thoughts? If they are everywhere then they aren't
reverent. If your mind is everywhere then you aren’t being reverent.
"Be still and know
that I am" They have to experience
it.
As they feel it then you
identify it.
Teaching youth...every
time the spirit was just getting there to get into their hearts someone makes a
wise crack. It shows that they aren't
comfortable with the spirit yet. It has
to be taught at home. The teachers don't
have time to individualize. They need to
be comfortable with companionship of Holy Ghost.
Feeling the spirit is in
contrast to family life.
You need to bear your
testimony. When you are at the park
playing...you can feel the spirit.
Joyful. It's not just
solemn.
"The gift of the Holy Ghost adapts itself to all these organs or attributes. It quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affection, and adapts them, by the gifts of wisdom, to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates, and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings, and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness, and charity. It develops beauty of person, form and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation, and social feeling. It invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens, and gives tone to the nerves. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bones, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ear, and life to the whole being.
In the presence of such persons, one feels to enjoy the light of their countenances, as the genial rays of a sunbeam. Their very atmosphere diffuses a thrill, a warm glow of pure gladness and sympathy, to the heart and nerves of others who have kindred feelings, or sympathy of spirit." Parley P. Pratt, "The Key to the Science of Theology, pg 101"
During the day you have
to bear testimony to your children. So
it can be there.
“I know Heavenly Father
loves you and is mindful of what you are thinking.”
“I know Heavenly Father
knows you are really happy. I know he is
aware.”
Class Member Shared: Testified that this is true. Works for your adult children. Went through temple 1st time at 30. She didn't really understand what she was
doing. When they were coming out she
leaned over to my parents and said, “I feel the same way I did at 8 when I was
baptized.” Her parents said, “That is
the Holy Ghost telling you that you are good, clean, and pure.” I didn't realize that was what was happening
until they testified that was what was happening to me.
We do not bear testimony
nearly enough.
Example: “I know things are tight right now, but if we
keep paying our tithing we will be ok.”
That is a testimony.
Class Member Shared: Part of testifying is when you feel the
spirit, but also testify when the spirit leaves. When a couple of dads got in fight at game,
there was a yucky feeling. That is the
spirit leaving. Teach what it feels like
when it is gone.
Create quiet time every
day....after dinner in their home. You
could play and be silly until dinner. We
talk together and play together. Not
rough housing. You have to create quiet
times in your home so they can enjoy them in your home. Not electronic times. Read, talk, not high busyness. Time to be still. Enjoy family.
Kids in sunbeam...you
can tell those that have FHE or reading books.
They can sit still.
"Respect & Reverence" by Margaret Lifforth Do not allow children to call adults by their first name. Call them bishop, brother, or sister. It is a matter of respect.
EXAMPLE: If your daughter says, Sister Larsen wants us
to call her by her first name.” You say,
“She is your teacher and you owe her the respect to call her Sister
Larsen.” Then Sister Larsen says to you,
“That makes me so old. It makes me feel
ancient. She can call me by my first name.”
You say, “I am so grateful you are teaching them and loving them, but I
must teach them respect. They need to call you Sister Larsen.” Don't allow other people to tell you how to
parent.
Use music in your
home.....primary songs, hymns, classics.
Question: What is your
daughter is uncomfortable with that type of music?
Answer: She doesn't have
to like it, but she does have to take turns and listen to it.
As we have these
experiences with our children, have them keep a journal and write them
down. So they can never say I don't know
when I have felt the spirit. They need
to review them. As they hear you testify. They begin to be aware of how often the Holy
Ghost is in their lives. So they then
begin to look for them every day.
Practice: Maybe record on Sunday.
Richard G. Scott---Write
it down. Says it all the time. We have bad memories. Scriptures say remember, remember.
HOMEWORK: This week, kneel with each child individually. Gratitude that this child is yours and their
gifts.
The spirit can tell your
children you love them more than you can tell them.
#1 most essential thing
in feeling the spirit...Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy.
Reverence is different
than the every day feelings they have.
It should be different experience for 24 hours. It should be felt. It is a feeling of joy. Not we can'ts. When you focus on making and celebrating the
Sabbath as day of the Lord. They learn
to love Sunday.
PRACTICES: How you
dress. November 2005 Jeffrey R. Holland. Present selves inside and out. dedicated chapel is house of Lord. Should not be expensive. Don't appear as if on their way to
beach. We should be as respectful,
dignified, and appropriate as we should be.
PRACTICE: All day on the Sabbath dress
differently. Rule was girls wore dresses
all day. Change into another dress. Boys couldn't wear jeans or shorts, slacks
only. Button up shirt.
As they receive the
priesthood they need to wear white shirts and ties. Fireside...don't have to wear white shirt and
tie, but they need to dress appropriately.
When children ask if
they have to stay in “those” clothes, respond by saying, “Is it Sunday? When it's not Sunday anymore you don't have
to wear those clothes.”
Activities and what you
do needs to be respectful of the Sabbath day.
Question: What do you suggest in homes where Dad
doesn't agree.
Answer: Husband was going through period of
inactivity. Wore sweats and watched
TV. Talk to husband in private
first. If they go to church and then the
rest of day is TV. What am I supposed to
do? Never condemn them. Love them.
Don't criticize them. Teach
children to love them. Set a very good
example. Just go in other room get a
game, talk, laugh with them. Create the
environment. Be careful of your
attitude. Does that loving feeling make
your children come be with you.
Prematurely pairing off with a boyfriend or girlfriend is dangerous. Becoming a “couple” creates emotional intimacy, which too often leads to physical intimacy. Satan knows this sequence and uses it to his advantage. He will do whatever he can to keep young men from serving missions and to prevent temple marriages.It is vital that parents have the courage to speak up and intervene before Satan succeeds. President Boyd K. Packer has taught that “when morality is involved, we have both the right and the obligation to raise a warning voice.”
I have always believed that nothing really good happens late at night and that young people need to know what time they are expected to come home.
There is a great deal of wisdom displayed when parents stay up and wait for their children to return home. Young men and women make far better choices when they know their parents are waiting up to hear about their evening and to kiss them good night.
May I express my personal warning about a practice that is common in many cultures. I am referring to sleepovers, or spending the night at the home of a friend. As a bishop I discovered that too many youth violated the Word of Wisdom or the law of chastity for the first time as part of a sleepover. Too often their first exposure to pornography and even their first encounter with the police occurred when they were spending the night away from home.
Peer pressure becomes more powerful when our children are away from our influence and when their defenses are weakened late at night. If you have ever felt uneasy about an overnight activity, don’t be afraid to respond to that warning voice inside. Always be prayerful when it comes to protecting your precious children.
Courageous parenting does not always involve saying no. Parents also need courage to say yes to the counsel of modern-day prophets. Our Church leaders have counseled us to establish righteous patterns in our homes. Consider five fundamental practices that have the power to fortify our youth: family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, family dinner together, and regular one-on-one interviews with each child." "Courageous Parenting" by Larry R. Lawrence
Are we doing it with
exactness? How often do we follow
commandments
Caden 9...Tyler (Dad) is
seminary teacher in Blackfoot. Reading
scriptures in Jacob where he saw the Savior.
After they were done. Went up to
Dad and said can anyone see the Savior.
His Dad said, "Yes if you qualify. Brother of Jared
couldn't be kept out." Caden asked, "What do I have to
do to see the Savior." Dad said, "Go to D&C 93:1 List of things you need to do so you can see
the Savior." When Dad got home from work Caden
had
gone to scripture, made the list, and typed it up and listed and typed
it up. It was hanging in his room so he could work on it.
Story: "Peace"
A king once offered a prize to the artist who could best paint a
picture of peace. Many artists submitted their work, and from them the
king selected two pictures he was quite fond of. “I shall choose between
these,” the king announced.In the first scene was a calm, undisturbed lake surrounded by tall serene mountains. Overhead was a tranquil blue sky with beautiful puffy, white clouds. It looked liked the beautiful representation of peace.
The second picture had mountains in it as well. But these mountains were rugged and harsh. Above the mountains was a murky, dark sky filled with rain that beat down on all below. Stark lightning bolts streaked through the sky. The depiction did not seem peaceful at all.
But when the king stared more closely at the picture, he saw a tiny green bush at the side of the dark mountain. Inside the bush the artist portrayed a mother bird building her nest, sheltered from the raging storm around her.
The king unhesitatingly selected the second picture as the winner.
The king explained his reasoning: ”Peace does not have to be where there is no noise, confusion, or trouble. The real meaning of peace is existing in the midst of turmoil and still holding hope and contentment in your heart.” Author Unknown
HOMEWORK:
Watch it!
Memorize it! Take notes. Tell her what it means to leave your religion
at the door.
No comments:
Post a Comment