Creating a House of Order (Class #1--Fall 2012)

• Parenting like Godhood takes self-control.  It's hard. 
• There is security when your children know what is going to happen.  It comes from knowing what to expect.
• Some kids have very unordered homes.  Some do jobs in the morning.  Some wait.  Some just react to their day.  
• They don't think they have to follow through.
• Our children need order in their lives.  There is order in the kingdom of God. 
• When you read scriptures they are in lists. 

 Doctrine & Covenants 88:124 Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.

• Cease to be idle--what do you do with your time?
• Cease to be unclean--physically, spiritually, mentally?  
• Cease to find fault one with another---are we always finding fault with our children?  We assume they know what to do by telling them what not to do.
• Cease to sleep longer than is needful--what time did you go to bed?
• Retire to thy bed early....followed by a promise....that you may not be weary---If you go to bed earlier you won't be weary in the morning.
• Arise early....followed by a promise....that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated---If you arise early your thinking will be clearer.

• You need to be up and dressed and ready to greet your children when they get up.  If you are already going they can respect and do what you ask.
• Order is to guide your family not to beat yourself up over.  Can you break the order once in awhile?  Yes. 
• If you children know that this is what you do then it will wipe out arguments for later.  You have to create the routine for them.

PRINCIPLE:  Establish order
Doctrine & Covenants 88:119  Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God

• Organize yourselves---you need to get the vision of what you want.
• Prepare every needful thing---do a Family Home Evening and teach them what you want them to do.  Help them get the vision.
• Establish a house---Do it!  

"Sometimes Sister Bednar and I wondered if our efforts to do these spiritually essential things were worthwhile. Now and then verses of scripture were read amid outbursts such as “He’s touching me!” “Make him stop looking at me!” “Mom, he’s breathing my air!” Sincere prayers occasionally were interrupted with giggling and poking. And with active, rambunctious boys, family home evening lessons did not always produce high levels of edification. At times Sister Bednar and I were exasperated because the righteous habits we worked so hard to foster did not seem to yield immediately the spiritual results we wanted and expected.

Today if you could ask our adult sons what they remember about family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening, I believe I know how they would answer. They likely would not identify a particular prayer or a specific instance of scripture study or an especially meaningful family home evening lesson as the defining moment in their spiritual development. What they would say they remember is that as a family we were consistent."  "More Diligent and Concerned at Home" by David A Bednar

Start by Creating:

• House of Prayer---morning, noon, night, meals, personal, couple prayer.  Prayer first because you are bringing the Spirit it.  A car doesn't go without gas.  Prayer is the gas.
• House of Fasting---for strength in the family.
• House of Faith---God will help you.  He will give you the power to do it.  You hope that your children will hear you.  Love will increase.  Humility allows them to be teachable

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior.  The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel."  "Little Children" by Boyd K. Packer

Homework #2:  Look at the order in your home.  Decide how you can improve.

PRINCIPLE: To have the Spirit in your home you have to have order in your home.
PRACTICE:  (Ideas)

• Kids up by 7am
• You get up early enough to be dressed and ready to go (she was up by 5:30am)
• Read scriptures
• Get dressed, beds made, rooms straightened up
• Breakfast
• Practice piano
• Establish dinner time!  (As often as possible).  If you husband comes home at random times what do you do?  Elder Packer's wife had dinner when the children got home from school.  They were hungry anyway.  Then when Elder Packer got home form work they sat around the table and talked while he ate.  It is a time to learn to bond.  No Ipod, No music, No TV, No rushing to eat, No put does.  Ask questions and share ideas.  Teach table manners.  It should be a pleasant time. 

"Besides showing youth the way by example, we lead them by understanding their hearts and walking alongside them on the gospel path. To truly understand their hearts, we must do more than just be in the same room or attend the same family and Church activities. We must plan and take advantage of teaching moments that make a deep and lasting impression upon their minds and hearts.

Similarly, mothers and fathers, as you drive or walk children to school or their various activities, do you use the time to talk with them about their hopes and dreams and fears and joys? Do you take the time to have them take the earplugs from their MP3 players and all the other devices so that they can hear you and feel of your love? The more I live, the more I recognize that the teaching moments in my youth, especially those provided by my parents, have shaped my life and made me who I am.

It is impossible to overestimate the influence of parents who understand the hearts of their children. Research shows that during the most important transitions of life—including those periods when youth are most likely to drift away from the Church—the greatest influence does not come from an interview with the bishop or some other leader but from the regular, warm, friendly, caring interaction with parents.

With that in mind, when we sit down at the dinner table, is our whole family there? I remember as a young man asking permission to play baseball through dinnertime. “Just put my meal in the oven,” I said to my mother. She responded, “Robert, I really want you to take a break, come home, be with the family for dinner, and then you can go out and play baseball until dark.” She taught all of us that where family meals are concerned, it’s not the food but the family interaction that nourishes the soul. My mother taught that the greatest love we give is within our homes."  "Our Duty To God" by Robert D. Hales

• We are losing important teaching moments.
• There will be seasons of sports and some exceptions.  
• We don't need children in activities all the time.  Don't give away your precious time with them to a coach who only cares about winning.
• If it is taking you away from home you need to re-evaluate
• It is the "family" time
• Society teaches to be good parents we have to "get rid of our kids" in preschool, sports, school, any activity
• Bring your family home.  You can't teach them if they are not there. 
• The ultimate "team" is the family.
• Primary doctrine of the church is FAMILY and all around creating celestial families.
• The difference between exaltation vs. the other degrees of the Celestial Kingdom is family.
• Your children's favorite people should be their siblings.

Daily Order

• bedtime routines
• evening hours---not private electronic corner.  Texting friends while with family is bonding with friends not family.
• You need to set the example of teaching them to use electronics respectfully.

Rights of Passage

• Only a few.  They need to be in concrete! 
• The Lord has 8 years old (baptism).  12 years old (priesthood).  They can do those things after that age, but not before.  
• If you bend the rules it negates those rites.
• PRACTICES:  Age naps stop (1st grade).  If you have a 6 yr old and a 5 yr old don't allow the 5 yr old to stay up to play with the 6 yr old just to buy peace in your home.  It defeats the purpose of allowing them to feel "grown up".  
• PRACTICE:  Age for makeup (Jr high or 8th grade)
• PRACTICE:  Conference session with the boys (turn 12)
• PRACTICE:  Conference session with the girls (turn 12)
• PRACTICE:  Ears pierced (age 15)
• PRACTICE:  Dating (age 16)
• PRACTICE:  # of nights out per week

Once In a Lifetime Events:

• Baptism
• Weddings
• Graduation
• Mission calls

Do something for them to look at ways they are growing up.

HOMEWORK #3:  Read Conference Talk "Courageous Parenting" by Larry R. Lawrence and decide what you can do.

"President Monson recently said, “Sometimes we are too quick to judge the effect of our successes and failures.” May I add, don’t look at today’s trials as eternal. Heavenly Father does His work in the long term. “There is much which lieth in futurity,” the Prophet Joseph Smith said. “Therefore, … let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed”  "Our Duty to God" by Robert D. Hales

He loves your children more than you do.

HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS: 

Homework #1:  Create a Ponder Pad.  Write down anything that comes to your mind.  You may not ponder it yet.  Make a note and set a day to go back to it.  Those are ideas given to you individually.  Some things you will just cross off.  Others will stand out.  Do them immediately.  Then you will receive more personal revelation.
Homework #2:  Look at the order in your home.  Decide how you can improve.
HOMEWORK #3:  Read Conference Talk "Courageous Parenting" by Larry R. Lawrence and decide what you can do.

NEXT WEEK'S CLASS.....

"Teaching Your Children to Feel The Spirit"